Rest Of Zoom Call Can Only Imagine Carnival Of Forbidden Mysteries Surrounding Coworker With Camera Turned Off

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COLUMBUS—Gazing in wonderment at the beguiling enigma before them, members of a Zoom conference call were reportedly transfixed Tuesday trying to imagine the carnival of forbidden mysteries surrounding coworker Mike Sampson, 34, whose camera was turned off. “What untold treasures of the flesh, what depraved bacchanal lies on the other side of that camera?” asked colleague Alicia Barnes, straining to listen every time Sampson spoke in a vain effort to gain some clue about the wanton festival of untold pleasures that he was currently engaged in. “If only we could catch just a glimpse of the orgiastic circus of the senses with this man as its ringleader. But then again, it might be better not to know—such depraved delights may be so stupefying as to drive a mere mortal mad.” At press time, Sampson had turned his camera back on after finishing eating his cup of clam chowder.