Restaurant Customers Explain Why They Refuse To Tip

Restaurant Customers Explain Why They Refuse To Tip

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As a general rule, restaurant workers should never, ever be respected. The Onion asked customers why they refuse to tip, and this is what they said.

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Blaire Horowitz (Accountant)

Blaire Horowitz (Accountant)

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“No restaurant fulfills the basic courtesy of sending a jester to my table to entertain me while I feast.”

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Amy Quintin (Travel Writer)

Amy Quintin (Travel Writer)

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“Money only complicates relationships with people who bring me plates of food.”

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Jamie Giffords (Administrative Assistant)

Jamie Giffords (Administrative Assistant)

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“What, I’m supposed to bring my abacus everywhere? Get real.”

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Alvin Chavez (Tailor)

Alvin Chavez (Tailor)

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“It’s just a nice little thing I do for myself.”

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Jamie Drori (Yoga Instructor)

Jamie Drori (Yoga Instructor)

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“I object to the system as a whole and am taking it down, one underpaid worker at a time.”

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Gregg Debrowski (Lawyer)

Gregg Debrowski (Lawyer)

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“Tipping could be construed as an admission of wrongdoing.”

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Hans Dobberfeldt (DJ)

Hans Dobberfeldt (DJ)

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“I seem like I might be foreign, so I can get away with it.”

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James Bernardi (Foreman)

James Bernardi (Foreman)

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“They’d probably just spend it on drugs.”

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Frank Seville (Geologist)

Frank Seville (Geologist)

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“I hate to think that they’re only giving me good service because they’ll be getting money out of it.”

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Angelica Casey (School Board Member)

Angelica Casey (School Board Member)

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“People having enough money to live is un-American.”

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Christian Russell (Retail Worker)

Christian Russell (Retail Worker)

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“The restaurant should be the one responsible for making sure the waitstaff earns the same unlivable minimum wage as the rest of us.”

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Rachel Graff (Artist)

Rachel Graff (Artist)

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“Unless you have a subpoena from a court, I don’t have to tell you anything.”

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George Carson (Foreman)

George Carson (Foreman)

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“I normally dine and dash, so technically I’m generously tipping 20% on zero dollars.”

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Melissa Fox (Office Manager)

Melissa Fox (Office Manager)

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“I’m terrible at mental math.”

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Paul Robbins (Customer Support)

Paul Robbins (Customer Support)

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“My pleasant and respectful disposition as a customer is worth more than any tip.”

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Fran Potoski (Influencer)

Fran Potoski (Influencer)

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“I tipped them in exposure.”

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Craig Walker (Ad Sales)

Craig Walker (Ad Sales)

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“I want to encourage my servers to get into a higher-paying industry.”

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Eliza Tippins (Historian)

Eliza Tippins (Historian)

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“I’m just here to buy the cheapest thing on the menu so I can take a shit in the customers-only bathroom.”

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