Donald Trump made the financial disclosures this week required of all presidential candidates, divulging his job titles, assets, and other information in a 92-page report. Here are some things we learned about Trump in these documents:
- Forced to work 487 different jobs just to keep empire afloat
- Values of Trump’s assets have risen in correlation with nation’s contempt for him
- Made $1.75 million last year telling large crowds how pitiful and classless they are
- Credit score a respectable 720
- Trump has saved over $8 million by not bothering to come up with a different name for any of his businesses
- Though Trump’s books are not the biggest moneymakers, getting a book published in this economy is a huge accomplishment in itself
- Made majority of his wealth by buying up millions of ‘Forever’ stamps years ago and waiting for their value to increase
- Nine months away from paying off 2012 Corolla
- Trump’s personal brand of tectonic plates, currently covering one-eighth of the earth’s lithosphere, generated $400 million in revenue last quarter
- Trump’s wife, Melania, currently valued at $1.2 million
- Investments unfortunately too well diversified to see him suddenly bankrupted by unexpected market shift
- Considers most valuable asset to be satisfaction at a life well lived