Revolutionary New Driverless Car Requires Zero Functional Technology To Generate Profit

Illustration for article titled Revolutionary New Driverless Car Requires Zero Functional Technology To Generate Profit

AUSTIN, TX—In what many are calling the future of the automotive industry, a revolutionary driverless car unveiled Tuesday requires zero functional technology to generate profit. “While many companies in the autonomous vehicle sector have unveiled models to generate funding with little feasible technology, what sets X-Course apart is that we make money without any self-driving technology whatsoever and absolutely no plans to ever develop it,” said X-Course CEO Patrick Medill, adding that his company had shattered industry experts’ previous belief that companies could only succeed in the self-driving space by at least pretending to develop new technologies. “Over the last few years, autonomous vehicle companies have shown it’s possible to reap billions in seed funding by promising each year you’ll have something ready by next year, or going to tech conferences and playing simulations of various self-driving technologies that people have repeatedly failed to invent. Initially, even we at X-Course thought we might have to do something like take regular cars and install a blinking red light that does nothing if we wanted to attract investors. But we continued to innovate, and we discovered we could still top the investment recommendations lists without even doing that. X-Course represents a paradigm shift that shows how financially viable you can be as a company that just says it’s developing self-driving cars.” Medill added that his company was also working to revolutionize public transit infrastructure by getting public subsidies that required zero plans or proposals.