I left the convention yesterday hungry and bored. I couldn't find a single decent kiosk of fast food open for business in the whole Xcel Center. Whoever's in charge over there sure hasn't earned the label "X-Cellent," let me tell you!

Although this Republican City of Twins has put its best foot forward in welcoming all of us in the Press Corps, I can't say much for the prospects of their party if no one shows up at their convention. Maybe they should build a nicer stadium—that strategy works like a charm for our great Ball Clubs around the nation. Perhaps if they harness the awesome spirit of Abe Lincoln, they could build the first Log Cabin Stadium. But any hesitation in getting it built before November will surely spell doom at the polls.

Anyway, I decided that today I'd head over to "The Con" early and get all of my reporting out of the way in the morning so I could take the rest of the day off. I've been working like a dog and I don't mind telling you readers that the Big Cheeses aren't paying me enough to put up with this crap 24 hours a day.


Again, all is quiet on the Northwestern Front. But a good reporter can't wait for the story to come to him, he must search it out. I decided to begin my quest in the press area of the not-long-for-this-world X-Cel Center.

Amidst the hacks and wannabes, I found the USA Today press section:


I've tried for decades to work for the Gannett Gods, but never made the cut. I'm not bitter. Their high standards is exactly why I yearn to work for them in the first place. I'm happy with my career, but just once I'd love a shot at being a Contender—at being the USA Today Cartoonist.

I stepped into their press zone, hoping to make a connection (it's all who you know in this biz) or at least share a friendly chat with my USA Today colleagues (we're all in this Convention Hell together, after all).


They asked me to leave, but they were very nice about it. I take that as a sign from above … a sign of encouragement. I'll keep trying. Journalists like persistence. It shows I'm serious. In fact I'll keep circling around their booth, step in and out and wave to them occasionally. That will keep me on their mind. Maybe I'll bring them some coffee, give them some compliments on today's edition—maybe even some pointers on how they could improve the USA Today. It's not everyone who would take the time to thoughtfully share some free advice.

I'll keep at it. The important thing is to make a good impression.

See Kelly's Editorial Cartoons Here