ARLINGTON, VA—Calling the new financial system the “future” of digital caramel assets, Nestlé unveiled a new Rolos-based cryptocurrency Thursday exclusively for Rolos customers. “If you enjoy the deliciously sweet experience of eating a Rolos rolled chocolate candy, then you will love our latest foray into blockchain technology: Our cryptocurrency, RoloBucks,” said Nestlé USA CEO Steve Presley, adding that the new financial system would finally free Rolos customers from traditional financial institutions and could be used to purchase hundreds of Rolo products, including Rolos, Mini Rolos, and Rolo-flavored Ice Cream. “Here at Rolos, we understand the importance of buying your chocolate with anonymous, untraceable cryptocurrencies, and we firmly believe in decentralized control. So, please, log onto our new marketplace, Rolos Exchange, and begin trading today.” At press time, investors in RoloBucks had already lost over $7.8 billion in the Rolo market.

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