PITCAIRN ISLANDS—Excited at the prospect of gifting the prized relic to his beloved new spouse, a romantic Prince Harry reportedly surprised Meghan Markle Thursday with one of his family’s heirloom colonies. “I’m so in love with Meghan that I knew I wanted to do something truly special for her, just because. I know it may not be as big as some of our other colonies, but it is one of our oldest and most beautiful remnants of the British Empire,” said the prince, beaming as he watched his wife gaze at a framed photo of the immaculately preserved volcanic island that belonged to the family since 1838, but had become mostly decorative after over a century without use. “I really think Meghan will get some actual use out of the island after so many years of it just sitting there gathering dust. It would have been lovely to give her the Falklands, but William already gave them to Kate after their wedding. Still, I know Meghan’s going to adore having the colony—it even comes with several of its own subjects.” At press time, Prince Harry was wistfully lamenting that he never got a chance to give Meghan either Australia or Belize.

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