Rookie Justice Gorsuch Assigned To Supreme Court Overnight Shift

Illustration for article titled Rookie Justice Gorsuch Assigned To Supreme Court Overnight Shift

WASHINGTON—Presiding over the dimly lit chamber during the small hours of the morning, newly sworn-in justice Neil Gorsuch was reportedly forced Tuesday to work the Supreme Court overnight shift. “It’s pretty boring, and it sucks that it’s so late, but [Justice] Anthony [Kennedy] told me that doing the graveyard shift is just a rite of passage rookies like me have gone through since pretty much the beginning of the judicial branch,” said Gorsuch, adding that so far things had been fairly uneventful except for a few “kind of weird” interstate commerce cases. “There’s honestly not that much to do besides just keeping an eye on the place and dealing with whoever straggles in at 2 a.m. to file an amicus brief. Luckily, you can pretty much just read a book most of the time, and I’ve got a little portable radio to keep me company when things are really dead. Still, I’m hoping this is just for a few months before they transfer me to a normal shift.” At press time, Gorsuch was reportedly attempting to rouse a heavily intoxicated assistant solicitor general who had passed out in the back of the courtroom.