LOS ANGELES—Repeatedly pointing at round objects around his house and noting that they looked familiar, rusty NBA superstar LeBron James reportedly took a clock off of his wall Tuesday and asked if it was a basketball after totally forgetting how to identify one. “Okay, it’s round, which is good, but I can’t remember if basketballs usually have those math letters on them, or a bunch of tiny gears inside,” asked the four-time NBA MVP who, after realizing his initial mistake, questioned family and friends about whether a cabbage, a bar of soap, a car, or his own head could be dribbled, passed, or dunked. “Jeez, this is embarrassing. Sorry, I’ll get it. It’s just been a while, you know? I’m out of practice at telling things apart. Man, I really should have been working on my skills the last few months. Oh, maybe this furry looking thing is one? Probably not, it just bit me.” At press time, LeBron was reportedly shouting “Incoming, get out of the way,” after he looked up and immediately identified an enormous, glowing basketball hovering above him in the sky.
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