Our Annual Year 2019

As the last remaining media company relying on ethics, integrity, or basic journalistic standards, The Onion’s impeccable reportage covered every major event in 2019, faithfully afflicting the afflicted and comforting the comfortable. Here are the milestone moments of the year as reported by America’s Finest News Source.

Dogs And Cats Who Were Certain You’d Be The One To Adopt Them In 2019

Our Most Blatant Attempts To Shoehorn An Anecdote About The Monterey Bay Aquarium Into An Unrelated Conversation In 2019

All The Substitute Teachers We Absolutely Wrecked In 2019