Safety Experts Recommend Shouting ‘Free Donuts’ Instead Of ‘Rape’ To Receive Help More Quickly

GAINESVILLE, FL—Urging women to always have a safety plan, experts recommended Monday shouting ‘Free donuts’ instead of ‘Rape’ to receive help more quickly during an assault. “People are generally afraid to involve themselves in a physical attack, so if you’re being assaulted, screaming that you’re giving away pastries is the most efficient way to draw attention to yourself and get bystanders to intervene,” said self-defense instructor Todd McMillan, noting that it’s a sad truth that people will come from far and wide at the promise of a free bear claw while calls for help in fending off a rapist often go unanswered. “The goal of loudly offering complimentary crullers is to simply attract people to your location. Then, hopefully, the stampede of hungry and expectant onlookers will scare your attacker off, leaving you safe and sound. Yelling “Get your fresh-baked long johns here” or “There’s still a few jelly ones left” will improve the public’s response time even more. Of course, once people realize you were lying about the donuts, you run the risk of them angrily turning on you, so be careful.” McMillan added that women should always carry a spare donut in their purse to throw at an assailant before running in the opposite direction for help.

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