Boy, Sarah Palin has really energized the campaign of the senator John McCain hasn't she? There's this electricity about him that I haven't seen in decades, maybe even not since the last time I clamped jumper cables to his scrotum and ran 5,000 volts through his scrawny American balls.

Yes. Sarah Palin is that exciting!

What a great thing for Mr. McCain. To think of all he's been through to get where he's at today, how he's risen from the fetal position, quivering and crying in a pile of his own feces, to be this close to the White House. You will make America proud John, so proud! Just don't let the American people see what a huge pussy you are when it comes to being slapped in the face with turpentine-soaked rags for ours on end, and you'll make them proud.

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Ha, ha, ha, pussy!

I do think that Sarah Palin might be a bit of a liability, to be honest. Did you see her with Charlie Gibson the other day? When he asked her about the "Bush Doctrine?" She looked like she'd just had sap put up her anus and filled with two-dozen Vietnamese red pincher ants. It is good that she's telegenic, though. Unlike John McCain who, if I recall, is covered in deep blue mallet-shaped bruises all up and down the left side of his body, with a massively swollen eye, and more than a few broken teeth. Right John?

CHARLIE IN THE TREELINE! GET DOWN! CHARLIE IN THE MOTHERFUCKING TREELINE! DOWN, DOWN, GET THE FUCK DOWN NOW!

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Just kidding! Oh, John McCain, I miss torturing you.