ISTANBUL—Saying he would “never live down” the faux pas, a Saudi operative confirmed Monday that he was mortified after seeing surveillance footage that revealed he recently wore the exact same outfit as murdered journalist Jamal Khashoggi. “Oh, man, this is so embarrassing. I spent a lot of time putting that outfit together, and he shows up in the exact same one. What are the odds?” said Mustafa al-Madani, exasperated by the video proof confirming that he was the only member of his 15-person Saudi death squad who had the bad fortune to wear the same button-up shirt, dark pants, and blazer as their target. “I don’t know how I can look the rest of the assassins in the face again after this—they’re going to be giving me shit about this during every extrajudicial killing. And even worse, now it’s going to be plastered on every damn website so complete strangers can determine who wore it best. I guess I’ll be burying this stuff in the back of the closet. Such a tragic waste of a very flattering ensemble.” At press time, al-Madani became even more distraught after realizing the footage also proved Khashoggi had the exact same glasses and haircut as him.
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