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School District Waives Sex-Ed Curriculum For Students Who Look Like They Know What’s Up

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BOSTON—In an attempt to reduce the workload on students who are often overburdened by homework and extracurricular activities, Boston Public Schools announced Monday that it would be waiving its sex-education requirement for students who look like they know what’s up. “In our district’s high schools, any incoming ninth-grader who appears to have already learned a thing or two will be excused from attending sex-ed classes,” said Superintendent Miranda Simmons, explaining that every year there’s a bunch of them where you just know they’ve gotten laid by this point and you aren’t going to be teaching them anything new. “We don’t want to waste anyone’s time here. If a student has obviously progressed well beyond the limits of our sexual health course on their own time, they shouldn’t be forced to sit through a class that doesn’t challenge or engage them. And from the perspective of the educator, let me just say it feels ridiculous teaching sex ed to teens when, based on their appearance and self-assured demeanor, it’s pretty clear they’re having more sex than you are.” The superintendent added that any accelerated students who you could tell were really going at it would also qualify for a partial credit in physical education.