Science Disproves Vampires

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Florida physics professor Costas Efthimiou has devised a simple mathematical proof stating that vampires cannot exist. What do you think?

“So I've been sleeping all day in a coffin, hanging upside down in a cave lair, and drinking human blood for nothing?”

Michael Poole • Bog Limnologist

“I wish I had tenure. If I spent all my time in the warehouse thinking up crap like that, I'd get canned in a heartbeat.”

Bobbi Delaney • Fabricator


“This news will likely hit The Count the hardest. Destroyed by the very numbers he loves.”

Gavin Jacobson • Machinist