MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Expressing excitement over what could be a landmark discovery in the search for extraterrestrial life, scientists at the SETI Institute announced Tuesday they had received a mysterious radio transmission from space that repeats 50-minute intervals of nonstop classic rock blocks. “We detected a signal emanating from hundreds of thousands of lightyears away that, once deciphered, we realized was all the best hits from Zeppelin, Aerosmith, and the Doors in a back-to-back commercial-free format,” said SETI researcher Duane Hess, confirming that the transmission could potentially originate from an alien civilization of die-hard ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s rock fans. “Our technicians have been jamming out ever since we were able to position our satellites to pick up a clear frequency of the Who, which provided our strongest indication yet that we are not alone in our appreciation of iconic, album-oriented rock ’n’ roll. There remains much to be studied, including an unexplained phenomenon in which, on Tuesdays only, the signal transmits double shots of all our favorites, from the Eagles and Foreigner to Eddie Money and Billy Squier. It’s truly a groundbreaking development. We have noticed they tend to play the same songs quite a bit, though.” At press time, researchers were attempting to be the 10th civilization to make contact with the signal’s source in order to win a pair of VIP tickets to an upcoming Bad Company show.
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