BOSTON—Having exhausted the possibilities of the chromosome pairs that came preloaded on the original human genome, researchers at Harvard Medical School’s Department of Genetics told reporters Wednesday they had unlocked 47 new editable genes following their purchase of a CRISPR expansion pack. “This add-on has a ton of incredible new genes, and we can’t wait to start inserting them into our lab specimens,” said Kevin Spiros, a professor of genetics, remarking that there was nothing more fun than having “some fresh strands of recombinant DNA to play around with.” “The base CRISPR is great, but we were getting bored with inserting, deleting, or disrupting the same genes over and over again. The expansion pack really kicks it to a whole new level by letting you work with proteins like CDK7, PTK2B, HPSA9, and so many others. It’s totally worth every penny our corporate partners paid for it.” According to sources, the geneticists have been barred from sharing their findings with any researchers who haven’t also purchased the expansion pack.