Secret Service Closes White House Cocaine Probe Without Suspect

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The Secret Service concluded its investigation into the small bag of cocaine found at the White House and has been unable to identify a suspect. What do you think?

“I bet they could’ve figured it out with 18 months of congressional hearings.”

James Wooley, Unemployed

“I guess we’ll never know who in the White House was fun.”

Laura Cameron, Freelance Panelist


“The perfect crime.”

Austin Perez, Soil Scientist