Senators Explain The Importance Of Political Compromise

‘Why, did Mitch say he’ll do a deal? What are the terms? Never mind, I’m in!”

“The key to compromise is demanding that you get everything you want while giving up nothing in return.”

“Personally, I think compromise leads to half-hearted choices that feel safe but aren’t and that ultimately backfires terribly.”

“All I know is I mumble that word once, and I get booked on every fucking Sunday talk show.”

“Compromise? Never heard of it, but, sure, lay it on me.”

“As a longtime Republican lawmaker, I’ve learned that digging in our heels accomplishes nothing but getting us everything we want.”

“How dare you follow me into this press conference.”

“Compromise comes from both Democratic and GOP leadership repeatedly telling me to shut up.”

“Mine worked out great for a whole bunch of other people.”

“Our constituents elected us to work together and reach across the aisle every few years and not really mean it.”

“Back when I served in the Galactic Council, you could get atomized if you didn’t work with the other lifeforms. I think Earthlings could learn a lot from our extraterrestrial neighbors.”

“If I compromised with my opponents, we never would’ve beaten Virginia Tech in the Sugar Bowl.”

“Feinstein! Goodnight.”

“Compromise? The January 6 protestors weren’t allowed to keep a single thing they grabbed in the Capitol.”

“Um, do people not yet understand I want to bring this whole country to its knees?”

“Compromise is important because it’s what every single one of my constituents had to do in order to convince themselves to vote for me.”

“Yes, sir, it’s cows.”

“If I can compromise my way to getting the hell out of Alaska, you can bet I’ll keep compromising so I never have to go back.”

“Wow, really? No one ever asks me my opinion on anything. This is great. Most people see me and don’t even realize I’m a senator. What was the question again?”

“Well, I’m open to considering the possibility of a broad compromise framework under certain to-be-determined circumstances at a later date, absolutely.”

“You can compromise with me...if you can catch me first! I’m all slippery with margarine though, look out! Wheee!”