Senators Explain The Importance Of Political Compromise

Watch

Men Reveal Why They’ve Decided To Get Vasectomies

00:09

Now playing

History Fact: Did You Know?

Yesterday 10:25AM

01:12

Now playing

This Elon Musk Deepfake Cannot Be Real

Friday 9:14AM

Chuck Schumer (D-NY)

‘Why, did Mitch say he’ll do a deal? What are the terms? Never mind, I’m in!”

Ted Cruz (R-TX)

“The key to compromise is demanding that you get everything you want while giving up nothing in return.”

Tim Kaine (D-VA)

“Personally, I think compromise leads to half-hearted choices that feel safe but aren’t and that ultimately backfires terribly.”

Ben Sasse (R-NE)

“All I know is I mumble that word once, and I get booked on every fucking Sunday talk show.”

Joe Manchin (D-WV)

“Compromise? Never heard of it, but, sure, lay it on me.”

Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

“As a longtime Republican lawmaker, I’ve learned that digging in our heels accomplishes nothing but getting us everything we want.”

Kyrsten Sinema (D-AZ)

“How dare you follow me into this press conference.”

Marco Rubio (R-FL)

“Compromise comes from both Democratic and GOP leadership repeatedly telling me to shut up.”

Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)

“Mine worked out great for a whole bunch of other people.”

Mitt Romney (R-UT)

“Our constituents elected us to work together and reach across the aisle every few years and not really mean it.”

Mark Kelly (D-AZ)

“Back when I served in the Galactic Council, you could get atomized if you didn’t work with the other lifeforms. I think Earthlings could learn a lot from our extraterrestrial neighbors.”

Tommy Tuberville (R-AL)

“If I compromised with my opponents, we never would’ve beaten Virginia Tech in the Sugar Bowl.”

Diane Feinstein (D-CA)

“Feinstein! Goodnight.”

Ron Johnson (R-WI)

“Compromise? The January 6 protestors weren’t allowed to keep a single thing they grabbed in the Capitol.”

Rand Paul (R-KY)

“Um, do people not yet understand I want to bring this whole country to its knees?”

Senator Jon Ossoff (D-GA)

“Compromise is important because it’s what every single one of my constituents had to do in order to convince themselves to vote for me.”

Chuck Grassley (R-IA)

“Yes, sir, it’s cows.”

Lisa Murkowski (R-AK)

“If I can compromise my way to getting the hell out of Alaska, you can bet I’ll keep compromising so I never have to go back.”

Ben Cardin (D-MD)

“Wow, really? No one ever asks me my opinion on anything. This is great. Most people see me and don’t even realize I’m a senator. What was the question again?”

Susan Collins (R-ME)

“Well, I’m open to considering the possibility of a broad compromise framework under certain to-be-determined circumstances at a later date, absolutely.”

Lindsey Graham (R-SC)

“You can compromise with me...if you can catch me first! I’m all slippery with margarine though, look out! Wheee!”