‘Sex And The City’ Fans Divided After Samantha Returns As Cybernetic Assassin

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NEW YORK—Amid reports that Kim Cattrall’s beloved character would appear in season two of And Just Like That…, fans were reportedly divided Thursday after it was confirmed that Samantha Jones would return to the Sex And The City franchise as a cybernetic assassin. “Samantha has always been my favorite character, so on one hand, I’m glad she’s making a cameo, but I don’t know how I feel about her coming back as a cybernetic killing machine programmed to destroy humanity,” longtime fan Margaret Dudley, 38, said after seeing a verified photo from the set that appeared to show the former sex-positive public relations specialist wearing two tons of titanium armor plating and using her Winchester repeating shotgun to blast out the window of the gang’s favorite Manhattan brunch spot. “While it’s a departure from the early seasons for sure, I’ve read that she’s still the same old Sam Jones in some ways—like she keeps making puns about ‘cumming’ to steal New York City’s collective libido. I do worry Kim Cattrall won’t be able to deliver the same sassy attitude with such heavy prosthetics on, but as long as she’s still sporting Louboutins on the ends of her mechanically augmented legs, I think I can get on board. Her being some kind of artificially intelligent, maniacal cyborg killer does answer a lot of questions I had about the bizarre moaning sounds she made anytime the old version of her character had sex, because it definitely never sounded human.” At press time, critics and fans had unanimously agreed that the pivot still made a hell of a lot more sense than what the writers did to the rebooted Miranda character.