COLUMBUS, OH—With its membership swelling in recent months, the mysterious organization that secretly pulls the levers of American power was forced to suspend its weekly meeting Monday, having grown too big to fit inside Marriott Conference Room B. "To successfully carry out our clandestine operations and continue maintaining the ignorance of the masses, we will now require the full amenities of Conference Room A," said an unidentified man, who is believed to have covertly orchestrated the economic collapse of Iceland last year. "We must postpone the Cataclysmic Event until such time as a more comfortable meeting space is available." According to confidential records, the hidden regime's enrollment has more than doubled since it gained free access to the Marriott's swimming pool and gym facilities.
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