NEW YORK—In an astonishing finding that sheds light on the character of the president, a shocking new video of Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump reportedly shows entirely still pictures leaping to life and moving of their own accord. “It’s alarming, to say the least, to see individual pictures—fully inert ones, mind you—springing into action on your screen in continuous motion as if by witchcraft,” said media analyst Peter Moore of the unsettling imagery, speculating that the photos had either been forced into movement by an unimaginable technology from the distant future or else, quite possibly, enchanted by a kind of sorcery that trapped the two men’s souls inside an endless loop of perpetual animation. “To put it bluntly, it’s as if the figures in this footage have traveled from 1992 into the very present to dance and converse for our amusement. The effect is absolutely breathtaking, if not a bit uncanny. Truly, it must be seen to be believed.” Moore added that he had unfortunately been unable to interview these past forms of Epstein and Trump by shaking his monitor or shouting at their past forms for comment.

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