Signs It’s Time To Put Your Parents In A Nursing Home

They’re Showing Signs Of Inconvenience

You know it’s time when they’re disrupting your daily routine not just once but twice a year.

Look At Them

Come on, it’s time.

They’re Begging To Go

It’s a long shot, but, man, that would save you some fucking awful conversations, wouldn’t it?

Parent Older Than 55

If your parent is older than 55, they are no longer capable of caring for themselves and must be sent to a nursing home.

They Call You Every Year On Your Birthday

Excessively needy behavior like annual phone calls and constant requests for your current address typically suggest it’s time to place your parents somewhere secure with limited access to the phone.

Your New Apartment Doesn’t Take Old People

Your adorable aging father has lived with you for five years, but your new lease specifically forbids the elderly. Besides, it’s better than just cutting him loose in the woods.

They Slip Up Even Once By Calling You The Wrong Name

That’s all it takes, Old Man. Pack your things and we’ll see you for 45 minutes at Christmas!

You Find Them Sobbing, ‘I’ve Lived Too Long! This World Has Passed Me By!’

Seniors’ moods can be vastly improved by sharing a space with contemporaries who are also cursing the heavens that they’ve outlived their usefulness.

You Don’t Have Time To Look After 100 Elderly People In Your Home Anymore

After a while, it’s too much, and it’s time to let someone else handle the operation.

Both You And Your Sister Live On The West Coast

Oh, like either of you are going to move back to Illinois to make sure Mom doesn’t slip on the front steps?

Won’t Fit Into Safe Haven Baby Box

Yeah, it probably wasn’t going to work dropping a full-grown adult into one of these things by the fire station or hospital. But what the hell, y’know? You had to try.

They’re Struggling To Perform Everyday Acrobatics

You try to help, but when your parents can’t even execute a basic back handspring or scissor kick anymore, they’ll need the care only a nursing home provides.

God Told You To

The Heavenly Father acts in mysterious ways, so if the clouds open and a booming voice tells you to send your parents to Crestbrook Senior Living Facility, it’s best that you heed the message.

They’re Too Weak To Physically Overpower You

Once your parent reaches a point of appropriate decrepitness and exhaustion, there’s nothing to stop you from slinging them over your shoulder and dragging them to the nearest old folks home.

Can Only Remember Pi To The 10,000th Digit

Forgetting what comes after “3.14....69998” in this mathematical constant might suggest your father has lost his sharpness and would be better with assistance.

You Stop Loving Them

Nursing homes are a great way to let the people who raised you know they aren’t a priority for you anymore and you no longer feel any affection towards them whatsoever.

You Need A Place To Store Your Cups

With your parents no longer occupying the two-bedroom house you grew up in, you will have adequate space to safely store your assorted cups, with plenty more room to stand back and admire them.

The Fucker Looked At You Wrong

That’s all it should take. He signed the power of attorney, the son-of-a-bitch should have known better than to give you the stink eye if he didn’t want to be committed.

Your Mother Is A Skeleton Wearing Lipstick, Your Father Is A Taxidermied Goose In A Derby Hat

All three of you should come along with the nice doctors now.

They Are Screaming For Help And Have To Be Sedated The Second You Pull Up To The Nursing Home

Yeah, you definitely made the right call there.

No Longer Able To Tell The Difference Between Property Brothers’ Drew And Jonathan

This is a tell-tale sign of dementia that should be acted on immediately.

Their Incessant Criticisms Are A Distraction From Your Stressful Roles As Both Father And Capo In A Dying Crime Family

You are never going to be free until you realize she has been manipulating you your entire life.

The Nursing Home Is Having A Sale

Sure, your parents seem to be doing pretty well enjoying their retirement biking, volunteering, and traveling, but who can resist putting away two of them for the price one?

Zillow Says Their House Is Worth, Like, $900,000 Now

It’s always sad when the modest home your parents bought for $115,000 in 1993 is suddenly worth a shit ton of money, but sometimes one of the best things you can do is profit.