With the significant increase in deceptive activity online, The Onion provides a handy guide to determine if someone is catfishing you.
Signs Someone Is Catfishing You
They’re Hesitant To Share Photos
They’re Hesitant To Share Photos
Sure, they might claim to be shy or value their privacy, but since those are traits that have mostly been eradicated by living in a surveillance state, this is cause for suspicion.
Won’t Drop Everything And Marry You Today
Won’t Drop Everything And Marry You Today
That kind of elusiveness is shady as fuck.
The Subject Of Their Email Is ‘Catfishing Inquiry’
The Subject Of Their Email Is ‘Catfishing Inquiry’
This is a pretty dead giveaway.
They Say They Can’t Meet You In Person Because They Don’t Have A Body
They Say They Can’t Meet You In Person Because They Don’t Have A Body
And they make you feel like you’re being insensitive when you want to know more about their condition.
Acknowledges Your Existence
Acknowledges Your Existence
Honestly, why else would someone interact with you?
They Are Using Your Pictures
They Are Using Your Pictures
Whether the photos are identical to the ones on your Instagram or unsettling snaps of you sleeping that you’ve never seen before, you can be reasonably sure that the person you’re talking to is not actually you.
Things Are Moving Too Fast
Things Are Moving Too Fast
Your countless flaws make getting to know you a slogging death march. Take note if they don’t seem weighted down by your mediocrity.
Insists That Dates Be In Complete Darkness
Insists That Dates Be In Complete Darkness
There are only so many times you can cave-dive, develop photographs, or visit a bat farm together before you have to start asking questions.
After 30 Years Of Marriage, They Suddenly Ask For A Divorce
After 30 Years Of Marriage, They Suddenly Ask For A Divorce
Clearly they were playing the long con.
They’re Writing Coherently
They’re Writing Coherently
You know something is up if someone online is communicating with you in thoughtful and comprehensible sentences.
Asks You For More Money Than You’re Used To Paying For Companionship
Asks You For More Money Than You’re Used To Paying For Companionship
You may be used to paying a reasonable fee for basic human interaction but not $10,000.
Lack Of Death Threats
Lack Of Death Threats
If they haven’t threatened to kill you or your family, clearly they aren’t a real person on the Internet who knows how to properly talk to people.
You Play Linebacker For Notre Dame
You Play Linebacker For Notre Dame
They have a history of being targeted online.
Their Profile Pictures All Have Watermarks
Their Profile Pictures All Have Watermarks
They’re either catfishing you or too cheap to pay for their own modeling photos, both of which are red flags.
You Have Only Been On 17 Real-Life Dates With Them
You Have Only Been On 17 Real-Life Dates With Them
Everyone knows it takes at least 18 dates before you know for sure whether or not you’ve been dating a body double.
His Dating Profile Says He’s 12 Feet Tall And Weighs 7,000 Pounds
His Dating Profile Says He’s 12 Feet Tall And Weighs 7,000 Pounds
Sorry, babe, your man is just too good to be true.
They Never Want To Meet You In Person, Alone, In A Remote Area, Telling No One Of Their Whereabouts
They Never Want To Meet You In Person, Alone, In A Remote Area, Telling No One Of Their Whereabouts
They may be catfishing you, but honestly, you sound like the dangerous one.
All Photos Are Of Gerard Butler From ‘300’
All Photos Are Of Gerard Butler From ‘300’
Ask if you can see them doing something besides leading the Spartans.
You’ve Made It This Far...
You’ve Made It This Far...
Worst Opening Lines You Can Send On Dating Apps
Things You Should Never Text Your Ex After A Breakup