Signs Someone Is Catfishing You

Signs Someone Is Catfishing You

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With the significant increase in deceptive activity online, The Onion provides a handy guide to determine if someone is catfishing you.

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They’re Hesitant To Share Photos

They’re Hesitant To Share Photos

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Sure, they might claim to be shy or value their privacy, but since those are traits that have mostly been eradicated by living in a surveillance state, this is cause for suspicion.

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Won’t Drop Everything And Marry You Today

Won’t Drop Everything And Marry You Today

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That kind of elusiveness is shady as fuck.

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The Subject Of Their Email Is ‘Catfishing Inquiry’

The Subject Of Their Email Is ‘Catfishing Inquiry’

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This is a pretty dead giveaway.

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They Say They Can’t Meet You In Person Because They Don’t Have A Body

They Say They Can’t Meet You In Person Because They Don’t Have A Body

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And they make you feel like you’re being insensitive when you want to know more about their condition.

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Acknowledges Your Existence

Acknowledges Your Existence

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Honestly, why else would someone interact with you?

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They Are Using Your Pictures

They Are Using Your Pictures

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Whether the photos are identical to the ones on your Instagram or unsettling snaps of you sleeping that you’ve never seen before, you can be reasonably sure that the person you’re talking to is not actually you.

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Things Are Moving Too Fast

Things Are Moving Too Fast

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Your countless flaws make getting to know you a slogging death march. Take note if they don’t seem weighted down by your mediocrity.

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Insists That Dates Be In Complete Darkness

Insists That Dates Be In Complete Darkness

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There are only so many times you can cave-dive, develop photographs, or visit a bat farm together before you have to start asking questions.

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After 30 Years Of Marriage, They Suddenly Ask For A Divorce

After 30 Years Of Marriage, They Suddenly Ask For A Divorce

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Clearly they were playing the long con.

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They’re Writing Coherently

They’re Writing Coherently

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You know something is up if someone online is communicating with you in thoughtful and comprehensible sentences.

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Asks You For More Money Than You’re Used To Paying For Companionship

Asks You For More Money Than You’re Used To Paying For Companionship

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You may be used to paying a reasonable fee for basic human interaction but not $10,000.

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Lack Of Death Threats

Lack Of Death Threats

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If they haven’t threatened to kill you or your family, clearly they aren’t a real person on the Internet who knows how to properly talk to people.

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You Play Linebacker For Notre Dame

You Play Linebacker For Notre Dame

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They have a history of being targeted online.

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Their Profile Pictures All Have Watermarks

Their Profile Pictures All Have Watermarks

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They’re either catfishing you or too cheap to pay for their own modeling photos, both of which are red flags.

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You Have Only Been On 17 Real-Life Dates With Them

You Have Only Been On 17 Real-Life Dates With Them

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Everyone knows it takes at least 18 dates before you know for sure whether or not you’ve been dating a body double.

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His Dating Profile Says He’s 12 Feet Tall And Weighs 7,000 Pounds

His Dating Profile Says He’s 12 Feet Tall And Weighs 7,000 Pounds

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Sorry, babe, your man is just too good to be true.

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They Never Want To Meet You In Person, Alone, In A Remote Area, Telling No One Of Their Whereabouts

They Never Want To Meet You In Person, Alone, In A Remote Area, Telling No One Of Their Whereabouts

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They may be catfishing you, but honestly, you sound like the dangerous one.

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All Photos Are Of Gerard Butler From ‘300’

All Photos Are Of Gerard Butler From ‘300’

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Ask if you can see them doing something besides leading the Spartans.

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