Signs The Spark Has Definitely Left Your Relationship

Who’s gonna masturbate to two fully clothed people sourly looking at their phones? A few people​, sure,​ but not enough.

You and your partner lay nude on top of each other snoring loudly, just hoping your hint finally gets noticed.

Finally, your neighbors can sleep without your deep, amorous moans reverberating through the walls, and they don’t like it.

A lack of physical intimacy can be cause for concern, even if you have a pretty nice ass yourself.

What good is an erection without a cartoonish sound to accompany it?

You treat your partner like a buddy, hanging out instead of cuddling and asking them if they know anyone single they can set you up with.

You’re not as concerned about looking your best, and you’ve stopped taking the enchanted elixirs that keep your tail, claws, and fangs from erupting from your body.

You want to have kids one day, and they want to prove that JFK Junior is still alive and plotting his revenge against Hollywood pedophiles.

Twenty seasons is a long time, and when you feel taken for granted, you may not have another choice.

Unless you’re an immortal ancient beast for which 200 years is but a mere blip in the grand scheme of things, the spark may be gone.

You used to sleep with random strangers in the same bed every night. What happened?

Aw. That used to be your guys’ show. That was your thing!

Actually, looking back, they never really wanted to know how your day was. Maybe things are still going strong after all.

It’s like they don’t even care if you stay or go.

Might as well call it a day.

You know all their favorite openings, the middlegame has become boring, and it feels like you’re both just going through the motions until someone forces a draw.

How are you supposed to be romantic when there’s always a lawyer standing in your way?

To be fair, Paul has been looking damn good lately.

Yeah, you definitely have some work to do.