Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

You’re a little too into wine if you’re giving the label more than a passing glance!

Just call it the “round purple fruit”; everyone will understand.

No wine is good enough for you.

It may be pretentious, but it’s the only way to ensure that everything you taste has a smooth, velvety finish.

It’s important to keep wine between 55 and 57 degrees Fahrenheit, even after it exits your urethra.

People born the same year as t​h​at atrocious 1991 Bordeaux​ cannot be trusted and need to get out of your life.

It simply dances in your hands!

The only wine good enough for you has to be stolen from the ruins of Pompeii.

If French parents warn their little darlings to be good or else the Wine Beast will come for them, it may be a sign you’re too committed to the oenophile lifestyle.

While a layman would find no issue with the improper stemware accessory, you scoff at anything other than a traditional metal straw.

That has to be uncomfortable in your pocket, right?

You’ve lost your blue collar roots if you’re not slurping the stuff right out of your palms like your longshoreman buds do.

The tannins really bloom when they’re on the way back up.

Though well-intentioned, correcting people on the subtle minutiae of wine can come across as condescending to casual drinkers.

Everyone knows to try to make the little tornado in your glass, but only aficionados know what this does.

That ought to teach anyone to challenge your knowledge of early 20th-century reds.

Your friends and family just care about your well-being.

A bottle under $50 is not even worth eyeing.