Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Start Slideshow
Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

Not everyone can drink rotten juice and look smart while doing it. Here are several signs you’ve become a total wine snob.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Can Tell Where Wine Is From Just By Looking At The Bottle

You Can Tell Where Wine Is From Just By Looking At The Bottle

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

You’re a little too into wine if you’re giving the label more than a passing glance!

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Can Pronounce “Grape” Correctly

You Can Pronounce “Grape” Correctly

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

Just call it the “round purple fruit”; everyone will understand.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Only Drink Beer

You Only Drink Beer

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

No wine is good enough for you.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Live In An Oak Barrel

You Live In An Oak Barrel

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

It may be pretentious, but it’s the only way to ensure that everything you taste has a smooth, velvety finish.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

Your Basement Has A Wine Sewer

Your Basement Has A Wine Sewer

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

It’s important to keep wine between 55 and 57 degrees Fahrenheit, even after it exits your urethra.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Don’t Associate With Anyone Born During A Bad Vintage Year

You Don’t Associate With Anyone Born During A Bad Vintage Year

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

People born the same year as t​h​at atrocious 1991 Bordeaux​ cannot be trusted and need to get out of your life.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

Operating A Corkscrew Comes Naturally To You

Operating A Corkscrew Comes Naturally To You

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

It simply dances in your hands!

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Insist On Drinking Wine From Before 79 B.C.E.

You Insist On Drinking Wine From Before 79 B.C.E.

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

The only wine good enough for you has to be stolen from the ruins of Pompeii.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

The Townspeople Of Bordeaux Use You To Frighten Their Children Into Obedience

The Townspeople Of Bordeaux Use You To Frighten Their Children Into Obedience

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

If French parents warn their little darlings to be good or else the Wine Beast will come for them, it may be a sign you’re too committed to the oenophile lifestyle.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Refuse To Drink Out Of Crazy Straws

You Refuse To Drink Out Of Crazy Straws

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

While a layman would find no issue with the improper stemware accessory, you scoff at anything other than a traditional metal straw.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Have A Fermentation Tank Attached To Your House Keys

You Have A Fermentation Tank Attached To Your House Keys

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

That has to be uncomfortable in your pocket, right?

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Don’t Drink Wine Right Out Of Your Hands Like The Boys Down At The Docks

You Don’t Drink Wine Right Out Of Your Hands Like The Boys Down At The Docks

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

You’ve lost your blue collar roots if you’re not slurping the stuff right out of your palms like your longshoreman buds do.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Can Tell The Difference Between Wines Just By Barfing Them

You Can Tell The Difference Between Wines Just By Barfing Them

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

The tannins really bloom when they’re on the way back up.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Correct People When They Call Wine “Beer”

You Correct People When They Call Wine “Beer”

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

Though well-intentioned, correcting people on the subtle minutiae of wine can come across as condescending to casual drinkers.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Know Why You’re Swirling Your Wine In The Glass

You Know Why You’re Swirling Your Wine In The Glass

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

Everyone knows to try to make the little tornado in your glass, but only aficionados know what this does.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You’ve Murdered A Sommelier

You’ve Murdered A Sommelier

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

That ought to teach anyone to challenge your knowledge of early 20th-century reds.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

You Have Been Kicked Out Of Multiple Treatment Centers

You Have Been Kicked Out Of Multiple Treatment Centers

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

Your friends and family just care about your well-being.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

Your Finances Are In Shambles

Your Finances Are In Shambles

Image for article titled Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

A bottle under $50 is not even worth eyeing.

Advertisement