Yeah, it’s time to go back home. Here are signs you’ve spent too much time with your family over the holidays.
You Memorize Your Siblings’ Names
That’s valuable bandwidth that could be better used elsewhere.
The Dog Remembers It Hates You
It didn’t quite recall you at first, but after more than a week, ol’ Roscoe has finally placed your scent as belonging to the human whose suitcase it’s going to shit in.
You Get Frustrated When You See Your Worst Traits Reflected Back at You
Seeing how small and petty your whole family is exactly why this should have been an overnight stay, max.
Your Bodies Have Congealed Into A Single Unified Flesh Blob
Has no one ever heard of boundaries?
You Consider Getting Cable Television Again
It’s so cool how you can stumble across a movie that’s already halfway through!
You’re Out Of Lies
All the fabrications you rehearsed about your life before your arrival are totally exhausted, and now you’re just improvising bullshit about how great things are going.
They Have Repeatedly Asked You To Leave And Threatened Legal Action
It’s a subtle cue but an important one.
You Feel Relaxed Around Them
If you’re feeling a comfortable, contented feeling of peace and togetherness with your closest relations, you gotta get out there, now.
Watching Sex Scenes With Your Parents Isn’t Weird Anymore
You’ve logged so many movies over the holidays that you now couldn’t care less that you’re just a few feet away from your mother, father, and even grandparents as nude actors absolutely go to town on each other.
It’s Labor Day
Shit, shit, shit! You were supposed to be back at work months ago!
You All Wear Matching Pajamas
You do not remember purchasing or receiving these pajamas but here you are. So you must have put them on at some point. You must like this. Yes. You feel warm and comfortable here. Probably best not to overthink it. Yes.
You Got Your Parents Back Together
When you spent enough time to repair your parent’s marriage and get them back in love, you may have overstayed your visit with the family.
You Have Started To Adopt Some Of Their Genetic Traits
Dude, you need to get out of that house now before it’s too late.
You’ve Run Out Of Slideshows From The Onion
Don’t worry, you can still watch our archive of video infographics to keep you hanging on.
Your Carry-On Is Packed With Food
Well, you got what you came for. Goodbye, everyone!
They’ve Fallen In The Bathroom And Expect You To Help Them Up
What are you, a fireman?
They Ask You To Start Pitching In Around The House
You came here just for free food and amenities, not for community service.
Sexual Attraction To Tucker Carlson
Repeated exposure to things you hate can sometimes lead to a desire to have sex with that thing.
You Literally Forget The Life You Had Before
You’re itching to go back, but you have no idea where. Your return ticket says Los Angeles. Could that be right?
They’ve Begun Addressing You By Your First Name
This level of insolence must never be tolerated by someone of your rank and station.
You Start Genuinely Enjoying Each Other’s Company
This is nothing a quick and unannounced departure can’t fix.