Your boss may claim to be your friend in the workplace, but deep down, they’re secretly a powerful, deep-seated enemy that is hell-bent on your demise. Here’s how to know if your manager actually hates you.
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It’s On The Agenda Of The Weekly Kickoff Meeting
It’s On The Agenda Of The Weekly Kickoff Meeting
It’s right there in black and white under the heading “What Are We Gonna Do About This Asshole?”
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The Tone Of Their Emails Change
The Tone Of Their Emails Change
When their regards go from “best” to “warm” to “lukewarm” to “room temperature,” you’re officially on their bad side.
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The Desk Of Pain
The Desk Of Pain
If you’re always getting “randomly” assigned to sit at the Desk of Pain, it’s a sure sign your boss hates you.
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A Certain Stiffness In Their Embrace
A Certain Stiffness In Their Embrace
Ostensibly you still cuddle, but there’s a kind of hesitance, almost reluctance, you’ve never felt before.
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They Earn 100 Times Your Salary
They Earn 100 Times Your Salary
This kind of perpetual punishment could only be doled out by someone who genuinely wishes you ill.
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They Glare At You From Across The Room And Run Their Finger Across Their Neck
They Glare At You From Across The Room And Run Their Finger Across Their Neck
While this could either mean that they want to kill you or that you make them want to kill themselves, neither option bodes well.
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All Your Paychecks Are Made Out To Someone Named “Dumb Asshole”
All Your Paychecks Are Made Out To Someone Named “Dumb Asshole”
Sure the amount is correct, but it still may be cause for concern.
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Boss Asks You Your Casket Measurements
Boss Asks You Your Casket Measurements
Even worse if they ask if you’d ever consider being cremated.
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You Constantly Get Promoted
You Constantly Get Promoted
Seems counterintuitive, but your boss knows exactly how toxic your company is and loves the thought of you getting drawn deeper and deeper into hell.
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They Send You A Calendar Invite For A Meeting Titled “One-On-One Check-In,” But When The Date Arrives, They Never Show
They Send You A Calendar Invite For A Meeting Titled “One-On-One Check-In,” But When The Date Arrives, They Never Show
And you sat there in that conference room for hours like a complete fool in the business-casual outfit you agonized over, just waiting as the candle on the conference table burned out.
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You’re Self-Employed
You’re Self-Employed
Hard to argue that you are kind of an asshole.
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You Keep Getting Passed Over For Harassment
You Keep Getting Passed Over For Harassment
Year after year, your far less marginalized peers somehow get targeted with far more sexual innuendo and dehumanizing behavior.
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A Rattlesnake Is Put Between You And Your Paycheck
A Rattlesnake Is Put Between You And Your Paycheck
Weirdly, no one else in marketing has ever had to frantically suck the venom out of their ankle to get paid.
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They Wear Googly Eyes To Every Meeting
They Wear Googly Eyes To Every Meeting
If midway through the meeting they start snoring, you might want to start looking for another job.
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They Take You To A Fancy Restaurant With New Potential Clients
They Take You To A Fancy Restaurant With New Potential Clients
They know full well that your country bumpkin ass can’t tell a oyster fork from a fish fork, so they must take pleasure in watching you make a fool of yourself.
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You Aren’t In Their Will
You Aren’t In Their Will
You delivered above-average Q3 revenue, yet when your boss suddenly dies, they leave their fortune to their three kids and spouse of 47 years?
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Files A Restraining Order Against You
Files A Restraining Order Against You
No employer who truly values you would need to get the courts involved.
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They Hired You At This Job In The First Place
They Hired You At This Job In The First Place
Only someone who truly hates your guts would consign you to a fate like this.
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All slides
- Signs Your Boss Might Actually Hate You
- It’s On The Agenda Of The Weekly Kickoff Meeting
- The Tone Of Their Emails Change
- The Desk Of Pain
- A Certain Stiffness In Their Embrace
- They Earn 100 Times Your Salary
- They Glare At You From Across The Room And Run Their Finger Across Their Neck
- All Your Paychecks Are Made Out To Someone Named “Dumb Asshole”
- Boss Asks You Your Casket Measurements
- You Constantly Get Promoted
- They Send You A Calendar Invite For A Meeting Titled “One-On-One Check-In,” But When The Date Arrives, They Never Show
- You’re Self-Employed
- You Keep Getting Passed Over For Harassment
- A Rattlesnake Is Put Between You And Your Paycheck
- They Wear Googly Eyes To Every Meeting
- They Take You To A Fancy Restaurant With New Potential Clients
- You Aren’t In Their Will
- Files A Restraining Order Against You
- They Hired You At This Job In The First Place