Signs Your Partner Is Not Sexually Satisfied

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You might want to erase your browser history, because nothing is a bigger turn-off than reading a list like this. Here are some obvious signs your partner isn’t sexually satisfied.

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They Moan The Word “Underwhelming” In Bed

Let’s be real, if that’s not your name, you’ve got problems.

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Booing

We’re not psychologists, but you probably shouldn’t ignore things like booing, jeering, and throwing popcorn after intercourse.

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They Clearly Communicate That They Are Happy And Satisfied

Great, add “lying” to the list of problems in your relationship.

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They Close Their Eyes During Sleep

Oh, so now they need to close their eyes and think about something else during their REM cycles, too?

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Suggestion Box Is Overflowing

Sure, they’re constructive notes, but there are also so many you don’t even know where to start!

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They Mime Holding Baseball Bat And Softly Say “Swing And A Miss!”

Three strikes and you’re out.

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They Say “Yuck” More Than Usual

It’s perfectly natural to be revolted by sex, but there may be a problem if your partner is verbalizing disgust after every thrust.

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Low Feedback Ratings

Averaging one or two stars on your satisfaction survey is a clear sign that your genitals are performing poorly.

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They Keep Checking Their Watch While Orgasming

It just makes you feel like they’re not really present.

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You Catch Them Making A Sandwich

If your partner makes a tuna sandwich in the middle of sex and doesn’t even offer to make you one, they’ve mentally checked out.

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Frequently Asks For Sex

If they were really happy in the relationship, why wouldn’t they be satisfied with the sex you already had?

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Missing Genitalia

If your partner’s genitalia doesn’t even bother to show up to the sex, you know the sex isn’t up to par.

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They Acknowledge That, At Least By Most Traditional Standards, Brad Pitt Is An Attractive Man

This clearly means they are fantasizing about Brad Pitt nonstop when they are with you.

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Only Cum Dust

Sex is awkward enough without their penis or vagina coughing up a pathetic little plume of dust.

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Never Initiate Pushing Your Twin Beds Together

Seriously, how hard is it to move the furniture twice a year?

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Change Directors In The Middle Of Sex

They can blame it on the studios all they want, but you know, deep down, a new director won’t fix your intercourse.

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Frame You For Murder

Nobody who regularly climaxes would ever go to this extreme.

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Not Ripping Your Head Off

If your partner hasn’t decapitated you with their razor-sharp forelegs for precious calories that will nourish their young, you probably aren’t hitting the mark.

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They Attempt To Have An Open And Honest Conversation With You About Both Of Your Sexual Needs

This likely means the relationship is so badly damaged that your only real option is to end it.