Signs Your Partner Is Not Sexually Satisfied

Let’s be real, if that’s not your name, you’ve got problems.

We’re not psychologists, but you probably shouldn’t ignore things like booing, jeering, and throwing popcorn after intercourse.

Great, add “lying” to the list of problems in your relationship.

Oh, so now they need to close their eyes and think about something else during their REM cycles, too?

Sure, they’re constructive notes, but there are also so many you don’t even know where to start!

Three strikes and you’re out.

It’s perfectly natural to be revolted by sex, but there may be a problem if your partner is verbalizing disgust after every thrust.

Averaging one or two stars on your satisfaction survey is a clear sign that your genitals are performing poorly.

It just makes you feel like they’re not really present.

If your partner makes a tuna sandwich in the middle of sex and doesn’t even offer to make you one, they’ve mentally checked out.

If they were really happy in the relationship, why wouldn’t they be satisfied with the sex you already had?

If your partner’s genitalia doesn’t even bother to show up to the sex, you know the sex isn’t up to par.

This clearly means they are fantasizing about Brad Pitt nonstop when they are with you.

Sex is awkward enough without their penis or vagina coughing up a pathetic little plume of dust.

Seriously, how hard is it to move the furniture twice a year?

They can blame it on the studios all they want, but you know, deep down, a new director won’t fix your intercourse.

Nobody who regularly climaxes would ever go to this extreme.

If your partner hasn’t decapitated you with their razor-sharp forelegs for precious calories that will nourish their young, you probably aren’t hitting the mark.

This likely means the relationship is so badly damaged that your only real option is to end it.