2/27/2002 - Treasury Department Badly Needs Ones And Fives

2/27/2002 - Genetically Modified Broccoli Shrieks Benefits At Shopper

2/27/2002 - Parents' Password Cracked On First Try

2/27/2002 - Upset Woman Forced To Re-Sigh Louder

2/27/2002 - $5 Million Bounty Placed On Recession

2/27/2002 - Lee Greenwood Urges U.S. To Take Military Action Against Iraq

2/27/2002 - I Almost Lost It All

2/27/2002 - The Cigarette Tax

2/27/2002 - The New Sesame Street

2/27/2002 - Man Back With Woman His Best Friend Spent Week Criticizing

2/27/2002 - New Cell-Phone Features

2/27/2002 - Ad-Agency Art Director 'Humbly Honored' To Be Working With Absolut

2/27/2002 - Horoscope for the week of February 27, 2002

2/27/2002 - March Named Breast Cancer Obliviousness Month

2/27/2002 - LL Cool J Struggles To Come Up With Way To Brag About Being In Rollerball

2/27/2002 - Who Knew It Would Be So Easy To Impersonate A Priest?

2/27/2002 - Warranty Outlasts Company

2/27/2002 - School Bully Not So Tough Since Being Molested

2/20/2002 - Israeli High-School Students Hoping Suicide Bombing Postpones Exam

2/20/2002 - Man's Dream To Get Drunk In An A-Frame Finally Realized

2/20/2002 - Conrad Bain Steps Down As National Kitsch-Reference Laureate

2/20/2002 - Guy Who Just Wiped Out Immediately Claims He's Fine

2/20/2002 - Dog Keeps Iceland Awake All Night

2/20/2002 - New Bin Laden Tape Contains Three Previously Unreleased Monologues

2/20/2002 - The Axis Of Evil

2/20/2002 - Women's Olympic Bobsled Team Hopes To Inspire Young Girls To Bobsled

2/20/2002 - Horoscope for the week of February 20, 2002

2/20/2002 - Worst-Selling Maps

2/20/2002 - 18-Year-Old Miraculously Finds Soulmate In Hometown

2/20/2002 - Chat-Room Shorthand

2/20/2002 - Americans Would Be Outraged If They Understood Enron Collapse

2/20/2002 - That Trip To Canada Really Broadened My Horizons

2/20/2002 - This $29 Will Feed My Family Or Put A Pittsburgh Steelers Cap On My Head

2/20/2002 - Work Friends Not Mingling With Other Friends

2/20/2002 - Now That's What I Call Shitty Music 8 Tops Album Charts

2/14/2002 - Don't Tell Me You've Never Wondered What Yoda's Penis Looks Like

2/14/2002 - Wedding Enjoyed By No One But Bride

2/13/2002 - Actors Decide To Go On With Sitcom Despite Cancellation

2/13/2002 - Senate Subcommittee On Energy And Water Development More Like A Family

2/13/2002 - Vanquished Foe's Skull Makes Surprisingly Bad Wine Goblet

2/13/2002 - Woman Who Claims Book Changed Her Life Has Not Changed

2/13/2002 - Moviegoer Can Already See Where Commercials Will Go

2/13/2002 - Smiling Willie Nelson Reflects On A Lifetime Of Weed And Women

2/13/2002 - Holocaust Museum Cashier Has Yet Another Depressing Day

2/13/2002 - What Artwork Is Adorning Our Walls?

2/13/2002 - The Defense Budget

2/13/2002 - Minnie Driver Optioned By Harrison Ford

2/13/2002 - Incurable Romantic? Guilty As Charged!

2/13/2002 - Horoscope for the week of February 13, 2002

2/13/2002 - 18,000 Sports Fans Doing Whatever Dancing Fluorescent Chicken Tells Them

2/13/2002 - The New Dating Shows

2/13/2002 - When You Are Ready To Have A Serious Conversation About Green Lantern, You Have My E-Mail Address

2/13/2002 - Valentine's Day Coming A Little Early In Relationship

2/13/2002 - Planning A Dinner Party

2/13/2002 - Semester Abroad Spent Drinking With Other American Students

2/13/2002 - GE Ad Trumpets Company's Government-Ordered Environmental Cleanup

2/6/2002 - Secretary's Day Has Become So Commercialized

2/6/2002 - Jerry Always Willing To Pick Up Overtime

2/6/2002 - Annoying Ad Turns Man Pro-Whaling

2/6/2002 - Philip Morris CEO Forces Senator To Dance For His Amusement

2/6/2002 - Film Critic Belatedly Comes Up With Swordfish Zinger

2/6/2002 - Report: Recently Laid-Off Workers Not Doing Enough To Help Economy

2/6/2002 - The Tyson Split

2/6/2002 - Indo-Pakistani Tensions Mount At Local Amoco

2/6/2002 - Every Social Gathering Is A Chance To Hustle For Contacts

2/6/2002 - Who Needs A Good Cock-Punching?

2/6/2002 - Father Bitter That Son Has Everything He Never Had

2/6/2002 - Kurt Warner Cheered On By Wire-Haired Man-Goblin

2/6/2002 - Bush Earmarks 1.5 Billion Gold Stars For Education

2/6/2002 - Horoscope for the week of February 6, 2002

2/6/2002 - Deaf Man's Deaf Friends Way Too Into Deaf Culture

2/6/2002 - Haunted Tape Dispenser Unsure How To Demonstrate Hauntedness

2/6/2002 - Showers With Girlfriend Increasingly Cleansing-Focused

2/6/2002 - The Al-Qaeda Captives