Sitemap: 2002 July | The Onion

7/31/2002 - Gym Teacher Secretly Hates Nerds

7/31/2002 - Sanrio Introduces New Divorced Character

7/31/2002 - Ex-Girlfriend Flashback Leaves Man Paralyzed In Produce Aisle

7/31/2002 - Panhandler Demands Explanation For Failure To Provide Quarter

7/31/2002 - World's Last Bob Hope Fan Dies Of Old Age

7/31/2002 - Man As Surprised As Anyone That He Knows All The Members Of 'N Sync

7/31/2002 - Orphanage Director Pushing Asian Orphans

7/31/2002 - What Would We Name Our Spaceship?

7/31/2002 - Horoscope for the week of July 31, 2002

7/31/2002 - Boss' Dick Not Going To Suck Itself

7/31/2002 - Charging Obese Flyers Double

7/31/2002 - Court Summons Comes With 1,025 Free Hours Of AOL

7/31/2002 - U.S. Takes Out Debt-Consolidation Loan

7/31/2002 - The Snakehead Menace

7/31/2002 - Zing! I Just Got You With Another One Of My Trademark 'Complete Lies'

7/31/2002 - It's Good, Hutchins, But Is It Delta In-Flight Magazine Good?

7/31/2002 - Cocktail Party Gets As Wild As It's Going To Get

7/31/2002 - Substance-Abusing Star's Publicist Has Been To Hell And Back

7/24/2002 - Grad Student Deconstructs Take-Out Menu

7/24/2002 - Husband Chooses Car Based On Lowest Passenger-Side Impact Rating

7/24/2002 - Motivational Tape Gets Man Excited For 20 Minutes

7/24/2002 - Celebrity Disappointed After Meeting Fan

7/24/2002 - Man Trying To Remember How That Music They Used To Play Before HBO Movies Went

7/24/2002 - More Police Brutality In L.A.

7/24/2002 - Fountain Simulates Vomiting Lion

7/24/2002 - The Corporate-Fraud Bill

7/24/2002 - Horoscope for the week of July 24, 2002

7/24/2002 - Alcohol-Themed Bar Opens

7/24/2002 - Car Bomber Given Shittiest Possible Car

7/24/2002 - Nation To Be Tested For Scoliosis Friday

7/24/2002 - Top New Women's TV Networks

7/24/2002 - Bush Begins Hunger Strike To Protest Human-Rights Abuses In Nepal

7/24/2002 - Jacko Is On The Attacko!

7/24/2002 - This Promotional Pen Works So Great, Imagine How Well The Drug Must Work

7/24/2002 - Family Upgrades To Shells & Cheese

7/24/2002 - Dad Keeps Dropping Hints About Mom's Sexual Proclivities

7/17/2002 - Cheney Caught Moonlighting

7/17/2002 - Sherwin-Williams Triumphantly Reports Nearly Half The Planet Covered In Paint

7/17/2002 - Winning Dad Forces Tired Child To Finish Monopoly Game

7/17/2002 - Missing White Girl Drives Missing Black Girl From Headlines

7/17/2002 - Israeli Bus Driver Wants Really Big Raise

7/17/2002 - Executing The Mentally Retarded

7/17/2002 - New Wheelchair Has That 'New Wheelchair' Smell

7/17/2002 - What Is Kiss licensing?

7/17/2002 - Horoscope for the week of July 17, 2002

7/17/2002 - German Fairy Tale Ends Predictably

7/17/2002 - The Rolling Stone Makeover

7/17/2002 - Ask Popular Mechanics, March 1947

7/17/2002 - Hi, I'm Just Calling To Follow Up On That Make-Out Session We Had Last Week

7/17/2002 - Outdoor-Music-Festival Grounds Mistaken For Refugee Camp

7/17/2002 - Anti-Spam Legislation Opposed By Powerful Penis-Enlargement Lobby

7/17/2002 - Horrible Band Obviously Not Listening To Its Influences

7/17/2002 - Stoner Uncle All The Kids' Favorite