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2002 March
3/27/2002 - Man Hopes Hot Woman In Next Apartment Can Hear How Well He's Fucking His Girlfriend
3/27/2002 -
E.T.
Toys Forced On Uninterested Children
3/27/2002 - School Board Adopts Gay-Ass Uniform Policy
3/27/2002 - Man Bitten By Radioactive Sloth Does The Lying-Around-All-Day Of 10 Normal Men
3/27/2002 - Hey, Everybody, Let's Put On An Avant-Garde Show!
3/27/2002 - Now, There's A Stranger Who Could Use Some Of My Child-Rearing Advice
3/27/2002 - Excited Catholics Already Lining Up For Pope's Funeral
3/27/2002 - John Ashcroft Silences Reporters With Warning Shot
3/27/2002 - Drugs Now Legal If User Is Employed
3/27/2002 - Gay Adoption
3/27/2002 - Colombian Rebel 25 Years Younger Than Colombian Civil War
3/27/2002 - Horoscope for the week of March 27, 2002
3/27/2002 - Kmart's Woes
3/27/2002 - Driver's Ed Class Finally Gets To See Legendary Safety Film
3/27/2002 - Area Man Has Complete Prison-Survival Strategy Mapped Out
3/27/2002 - Ozzy Osbourne Bites Head Off Five-Pound Chocolate Rabbit
3/27/2002 - Top Self-Help Books
3/20/2002 - Hilarious
Hamlet
Essay Circulated In Teachers' Lounge
3/20/2002 - Atonal Composers Gather For Atony Awards
3/20/2002 - Waitress Only Friendly When Bringing The Check
3/20/2002 - SLA Murder Trial Nostalgic Trip Back To More Innocent Time
3/20/2002 - Shadow Government Attracts Shadow Protesters
3/20/2002 - Indian-American Child Having Difficulty Finding Bicycle License Plate With His Name On It
3/20/2002 - Glimpse Of Gene Shalit On TV Reminds Woman It's Time For Bikini Wax
3/20/2002 - Defiant Milosevic Eats Big, Sloppy Sandwich During Trial
3/20/2002 - Allow Me To Introduce You To The Other Members Of Alpha Bravo Team
3/20/2002 - Horoscope for the week of March 20, 2002
3/20/2002 - The Nuclear Response
3/20/2002 - Gores Enjoying Best Sex Of Their Lives
3/20/2002 - E.T.: The Extra Material
3/20/2002 - Girl, She Means Nothing To Me
3/20/2002 - 11-Year-Olds' Entire Plan For Night Is To Smoke Cigarettes
3/20/2002 - Corporation Reaches Goal, Shuts Down
3/20/2002 - Top-Selling Dollar-Store Items
3/13/2002 - Study Finds Sexism Rampant In Nature
3/13/2002 - New U.S. Currency Expires If Not Spent In Two Weeks
3/13/2002 - Scotland More Relaxed When Sean Connery Is Away
3/13/2002 - Olympic Skier Stares Down Icy, Forbidding Slope Of Rest Of Life
3/13/2002 - Home-Brewing Phase Comes To Long-Overdue Conclusion
3/13/2002 - It Was The Eighth Subscription Card That Convinced Me
3/13/2002 - TV's Mork To Star In Film
3/13/2002 - Horoscope for the week of March 13, 2002
3/13/2002 - Military Promises 'Huge Numbers' For Gulf War II: The Vengeance
3/13/2002 - The Andrea Yates Trial
3/13/2002 - What Will We Eventually Get Around To Bringing In From The Car?
3/13/2002 - Sociology 101 Assignment Stretched To Incorporate '70s Punk Rock
3/13/2002 - Shame On You, Wynonna Rider
3/13/2002 - Botox And Beyond
3/13/2002 - Man Can't Get Police To Care About His Bob Crane Murder Theory
3/13/2002 - Item Found In Garbage To Be Turned Into Lamp Someday
3/13/2002 - Microwave-Popcorn Bag A Maze Of Arrows And Instructions
3/6/2002 - Bush Calls On Business Leaders To Create 500,000 Shitty Jobs By 2003
3/6/2002 - Denver Optometrist Not Sure Why He Has Gay Cult Following
3/6/2002 - Paleontology Class Winces Whenever Fundamentalist Kid Raises Hand
3/6/2002 - Area Man Plays 'Imagine' Every Time He Sees A Piano
3/6/2002 - Dog Chastised For Acting Like Dog
3/6/2002 - U.N. Tribunal Swayed By Thousands Of Children's Letters To Milosevic
3/6/2002 - Book-Club Meeting Degenerates Into Discussion Of Oscars
3/6/2002 - Pope Asks To Be Taken Off List Of World's 100 Richest People
3/6/2002 - Youth Is Wasted On The Young vs. Medication Is Wasted On The Old
3/6/2002 - Horoscope for the week of March 6, 2002
3/6/2002 - Least-Appropriate Baby-Shower Games
3/6/2002 - The Saudi Peace Plan
3/6/2002 - Bono To The Rescue
3/6/2002 - Are You Coming To My Show Tonight?
3/6/2002 - McDonald's Drops 'Hammurderer' Character From Advertising
3/6/2002 - Area Man Perpetually In Process Of Buying Or Selling Car
3/6/2002 - Shopper Takes Bizarre Journey Beyond Bed, Bath