10/29/2003 - Pope John Paul II: 25 Years Of Laughs

10/29/2003 - Nursing-Home Residents Mate In Captivity

10/29/2003 - Area Man Wins Conversation

10/29/2003 - Katie Couric Winces At Word 'Vagina'

10/29/2003 - More Than $30 Worth Of Burned CDs Stolen From Residence

10/29/2003 - U.S. Upset After Aliens Land In Italy

10/29/2003 - Lawyer Friend Makes Strong Case For Nachos

10/29/2003 - I Would Treat The Girl From The Muffler Commercial Right

10/29/2003 - Ridiculous Small-Business Plan Encouraged By Friends

10/29/2003 - Sniper Suspect Rehires Lawyers

10/29/2003 - Moral Compass Lost In Woods

10/29/2003 - Oh Shit, What Did We Just Tape Over?

10/29/2003 - New Excedrin 'Lights Out' Kills You Dead On The Spot

10/29/2003 - Horoscope for the week of October 29, 2003

10/29/2003 - Tuition Hikes

10/29/2003 - October 29, 1962

10/29/2003 - Pete's An Asshole vs. Aw, C'mon, Pete's An All-Right Guy

10/29/2003 - 'Well, You Try To Reconstruct Iraq,' Says U.S. Defensive Dept.

10/22/2003 - Alderman Has That Zoning Dream Again

10/22/2003 - Voice Recognition Software Yelled At

10/22/2003 - Limbaugh Says Drug Addiction A Remnant Of Clinton Administration

10/22/2003 - CIA-Leak Scapegoat Still At Large

10/22/2003 - What Are We Buying With The New $20 Bill?

10/22/2003 - Muscleman Put In Charge Of World's Fifth-Largest Economy

10/22/2003 - Horoscope for the week of October 22, 2003

10/22/2003 - Genetically Modified Foods

10/22/2003 - Silicone Breast Implants

10/22/2003 - Peruvian Shockingly Knowledgeable About U.S. History

10/22/2003 - Anyone Got A TV To Spare?

10/22/2003 - New Hallmark Line Addresses Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

10/22/2003 - Salary-Negotiation Tips

10/22/2003 - Video-Store Clerk Helpless To Prevent Charlie's Angels Rental

10/22/2003 - SeaWorld Whales Demand 10 Percent Chum Increase

10/22/2003 - October 22, 1929

10/22/2003 - Mommy's Wedding More Fun Than Daddy's

10/22/2003 - Club Has Big Hit With Closed-Mic Night

10/22/2003 - Generic Candy Corn Will Give You AIDS

10/15/2003 - Deep Down, Woman Knows She's Watching Entire Trading Spaces Marathon

10/15/2003 - God's Gift To Women Returned

10/15/2003 - 79-Year-Old Still Saving For Future

10/15/2003 - MacArthur Genius Grant Goes Right Up Recipient's Nose

10/15/2003 - Bush Disappointed To Learn Chinese Foreign Minister Doesn't Know Karate

10/15/2003 - Lieberman Pledges To Gloss Over The Boring Issues

10/15/2003 - Study Finds Cable-TV Violence Leads To Network-TV Violence

10/15/2003 - No Prison Can Hold Me, As Long As I Have My Imagination

10/15/2003 - OutKast Universally Accepted

10/15/2003 - I'm A Diseased- And Deformed-Animal Lover!

10/15/2003 - Ex-Girlfriend Playing Virtua Fighter With Some Other Guy Now

10/15/2003 - Horoscope for the week of October 15, 2003

10/15/2003 - High Oil, Gas Prices

10/15/2003 - Schwarzenegger Victorious

10/15/2003 - Tribesman Guilted Into Attending Friend's Boundary Dance

10/15/2003 - October 17, 1980

10/15/2003 - Top Novel Dedications

10/15/2003 - Schwarzenegger Elected First Horseman Of The Apocalypse

10/14/2003 - Justice Department: 'Want To See A Dead Body?'

10/14/2003 - Authority Figure Demands To Know Meaning Of This

10/14/2003 - Algerian Dies Of Natural Causes

10/14/2003 - Hot Sexy Girls Waiting To Talk To Guys Just Like You

10/14/2003 - ACLU Defends Nazis' Right To Burn Down ACLU Headquarters

10/14/2003 - Horoscope for the week of October 14, 2003

10/14/2003 - Life After Fen/Phen

10/14/2003 - My Failed Suicide Attempts

10/14/2003 - Brian Boitano Sobs Quietly In Dark

10/14/2003 - My Flabby Tabbies Are So Spoiled!

10/14/2003 - New 'Wondersplint' Makes Fractures Appear Larger; Fuller

10/14/2003 - The Promise Keepers

10/14/2003 - Hero Financial Officer Saves 12 Grand

10/14/2003 - CNN's Hollywood Minute Announces Special Two-Minute Season Premiere

10/14/2003 - Suburban Parade Of Homes Marred By Rotting Ox On Lawn

10/14/2003 - Soaring U.S. Divorce Rate Blamed On Local 11-Year-Old

10/14/2003 - Binge-Drinking, Promiscuous Sex Good For You, Says 'New Orleans Journal Of Medicine'

10/14/2003 - You're Going To Love My Balls

10/8/2003 - Celine Dion Secluded In Lab Developing New Perfume

10/8/2003 - Girlfriend Dumped After Forwarding Stupid Link

10/8/2003 - 8 Simple Rules Laugh Track Replaced With Somber String Arrangement

10/8/2003 - Frustrated FCC Unable To Stop Use Of Word 'Friggin''

10/8/2003 - Bartender Refuses To Acknowledge Patron's Regular Status

10/8/2003 - Horoscope for the week of October 8, 2003

10/8/2003 - Teens 'Going To Town' With Restaurant Comment Cards

10/8/2003 - Chaps Unnecessary

10/8/2003 - Parrot Care Is Actually Quite Time-Consuming

10/8/2003 - CIA Leak Probed

10/8/2003 - What Do We Regret?

10/8/2003 - October 4, 1938

10/8/2003 - $87 Billion For Iraq

10/8/2003 - Gorillagram Employee Shot By White House Security

10/8/2003 - Thank-You Note Passive-Aggressive

10/8/2003 - Please Don't Be Mad

10/8/2003 - Area Man Institutes T-Shirt Purchase Freeze

10/8/2003 - IBM Emancipates 8,000 Wage Slaves

10/1/2003 - 85 Percent Of Public Believes Bush's Approval Rating Fell In Last Month

10/1/2003 - Satan Depressed All Weekend After Man Opts Out Of Casino Trip

10/1/2003 - Frustrated Sycophant Can't Figure Out What Boss Wants To Hear

10/1/2003 - Plan To Live In Storage Facility Voiced

10/1/2003 - Regular Citizen Heroically Enforces Park's 'No Glass Containers' Rule

10/1/2003 - Schwarzenegger Running Out Of Movie-Related Campaign Slogans

10/1/2003 - Iran's Nuclear Program

10/1/2003 - More Cats Made

10/1/2003 - Horoscope for the week of October 1, 2003

10/1/2003 - Cheney Suspects Bush Listening In On Other Phone

10/1/2003 - What Are We Refusing To Buy For Our Children?

10/1/2003 - 48-Hour Internet Outage Plunges Nation Into Productivity

10/1/2003 - Pizza Hut Doesn't Know What It's Missing

10/1/2003 - Mournful Irish Flute Used In Documentary About Loss Of Senior Lounge

10/1/2003 - The NYSE Overhaul

10/1/2003 - Breakup Secretly Hilarious To Friends

10/1/2003 - October 2, 1949