4/28/2004 - Bush To Iraqi Militants: 'Please Stop Bringing It On'

4/28/2004 - Strangulation The New Blow To The Head, Says Hired Killer Magazine

4/28/2004 - Putting Up With Dave's Shit Not In Job Description

4/28/2004 - Spawn Of Satan A Failure In Father's Eyes

4/28/2004 - Suicide Bombing A Cry For Help, Vengeance Against The Infidel

4/28/2004 - National Cyber Security

4/28/2004 - Grocery-Store Freezer's White Castle Section A Wreck

4/28/2004 - Horoscope for the week of April 28, 2004

4/28/2004 - You're Fired!

4/28/2004 - Sept. 11 Could Not Have Been Prevented Without Accruing A Lot Of Overtime

4/28/2004 - Guantanamo Detainees' Complaints

4/28/2004 - April 22, 1906

4/28/2004 - To Whom Would We Rather Be Married?

4/28/2004 - Web Of Lies Surrounds Late Birthday Card

4/28/2004 - Tom Hanks This Week's Guest President

4/28/2004 - IKEA Claims Another 10,000 Lifestyles

4/28/2004 - Woman Overcomes Years Of Child Abuse To Achieve Porn Stardom

4/28/2004 - Unpopped Kernels Costing U.S. Billions

4/21/2004 - Woman Looks Great For A 32-Year-Old

4/21/2004 - Weird Al Honors Parents' Memory With 'Tears In Heaven' Parody

4/21/2004 - Longtime Heckler Just Kind Of Fell Into Heckling

4/21/2004 - Historian Has Big News For Grover Cleveland Fans

4/21/2004 - Sea Claims Flip-Flop

4/21/2004 - Horoscope for the week of April 21, 2004

4/21/2004 - National Endowment For The Arts & Crafts Criticized For Funding Giant Macramé Penis

4/21/2004 - McDonald's Unveils Healthier Image

4/21/2004 - Senatorial Candidate Introduces New Low-Carb Platform

4/21/2004 - How Are We Celebrating Earth Day?

4/21/2004 - I Haven't Achieved Greatness So Much As I Was Born Into It

4/21/2004 - Online Music Stores

4/21/2004 - Why Can't This Family Ever Have A Funky Good Time?

4/21/2004 - Cheney Wows Sept. 11 Commission By Drinking Glass Of Water While Bush Speaks

4/21/2004 - April 20, 1943

4/21/2004 - Libertarian Reluctantly Calls Fire Department

4/21/2004 - Nation Celebrates Awkward 'Take Your Illegitimate Daughter To Work' Day

4/21/2004 - Iraqis Arming Selves For Independence

4/14/2004 - Rumsfeld Looking Forward To Secretary's Day

4/14/2004 - Study: Owning A Boat Not Worth It

4/14/2004 - Zambia Tired Of Being Mentioned In 'News Of The Weird' Section

4/14/2004 - Room Scanned For Something To Sell On eBay

4/14/2004 - Man Nods His Way To The Top

4/14/2004 - Why Are We Applying For A Tax Extension?

4/14/2004 - Horoscope for the week of April 14, 2004

4/14/2004 - Baby Put On Phone Told Her Parents Hate Her

4/14/2004 - Resistance In Iraq

4/14/2004 - Tank Rolls By Living Room Window

4/14/2004 - Here's My Road Map To Road Trips

4/14/2004 - Statue Of Liberty To Reopen

4/14/2004 - Bishop Sick Of Local Church Scene

4/14/2004 - I Will Not Rest Until Sometime After 11 p.m.

4/14/2004 - New Negative Campaign Ads Blast Voters Directly

4/14/2004 - What Grieving Widow Needs Is A Day At The Spa

4/14/2004 - Friend Buys Computer Just Like That

4/14/2004 - April 16, 1912

4/14/2004 - Preparing For A Hospital Stay

4/7/2004 - Fox News Covers Spring Break Pretty Well

4/7/2004 - Frank Zappa Fan Thinks You Just Haven't Heard The Right Album

4/7/2004 - Boxer Hopes He Can Make Money Punching Things In Retirement

4/7/2004 - Yahoo Launches Soul-Search Engine

4/7/2004 - Almost No Effort Made To Stop Kid From Eating Cigarette Butt

4/7/2004 - Dollar Losing Value Against The Quarter

4/7/2004 - Visiting Liberian Dignitary In No Hurry To Leave

4/7/2004 - U.S. Kids Sleep-Deprived

4/7/2004 - The Hunt For Bin Laden

4/7/2004 - What Can't We Bring Ourselves To Tell Our Loved Ones?

4/7/2004 - 15-Year-Old Nephew Asked If He Can Get Ecstasy

4/7/2004 - Horoscope for the week of April 7, 2004

4/7/2004 - Munchtime Is The Most Important Snack Of The Day

4/7/2004 - If Elected, I Will Be Extremely Surprised

4/7/2004 - Price Of Nuclear Secrets Plummeting

4/7/2004 - Jay-Z Gives Shout-Out To His Shareholdaz

4/7/2004 - April 4, 1927

4/7/2004 - Area Man Excited Friend Is Getting Divorced