4/27/2005 - Area Man Well-Versed In First Thirds Of Great Literature

4/27/2005 - Bartender Hurt By Unfinished Drink

4/27/2005 - Uneventful Past Finally Catches Up To Boring Man

4/27/2005 - Teen Reports Saturday Night Live Has Sucked Since Chris Kattan Left

4/27/2005 - National Poetry Month Raises Awareness Of Poetry Prevention

4/27/2005 - Horoscope for the week of April 27, 2005

4/27/2005 - Katie Couric Flirts With Cardinal On Air

4/27/2005 - The New Food Pyramid

4/27/2005 - Beaver Can't Wait To Get Started On Dam

4/27/2005 - A Motivation Seminizar

4/27/2005 - The New Lincoln Museum

4/27/2005 - What's Going On 30,000 Feet Above Us?

4/27/2005 - Guess What—It's Tom DeLay's Frisbee Now

4/27/2005 - Report: U.S. Foreign Policy Hurting American Students' Chances Of Getting Laid Abroad

4/27/2005 - Amazing New Hyperbolic Chamber Greatest Invention In The History Of Mankind Ever

4/27/2005 - Family Feud Continues Years After Game-Show Appearance

4/27/2005 - First Date In Six Months To Be Last Date In Six Years

4/27/2005 - April 30, 1937

4/20/2005 - Losing-Powerball-Numbers Announcement Enters 17th Hour

4/20/2005 - Study: 80 Percent Of All Hermits Recovering From Broken Hearts

4/20/2005 - Another Comedian Ruined By Parenthood

4/20/2005 - Sports Fan Thinks He May Have Torn Rotator Cuff

4/20/2005 - Sir Charles Barlow Is Interested Only In Your Dowry

4/20/2005 - TV Shows On DVD

4/20/2005 - Aw, Who'm I Kidding... I'll Never Top 21 Jump Street

4/20/2005 - April 19, 1981

4/20/2005 - Fifth-Grade Science Paper Doesn't Stand Up To Peer Review

4/20/2005 - New Tech-Support Caste Arises In India

4/20/2005 - Are Tasers Safe?

4/20/2005 - Horoscope for the week of April 20, 2005

4/20/2005 - Office Manager Forced To Resort To Unfriendly Reminders

4/20/2005 - Fondest U.S. Memories

4/20/2005 - Pope Emerges From Chrysalis A Beautiful Butterfly

4/20/2005 - Dreamcatcher On Rearview Mirror Protects Sleeping Driver

4/20/2005 - Papal Election Brings End To Worldwide Unsupervised-Catholic Sin Binge

4/20/2005 - Police Sketch Artist Likes How Portrait Of Serial Rapist Turned Out

4/20/2005 - A Pope Remembered

4/13/2005 - Horoscope for the week of April 13, 2005

4/13/2005 - Embattled Tom Delay

4/13/2005 - Most Confusing Washing Instructions

4/13/2005 - I Gotta Get Out More Often

4/13/2005 - The Minutemen

4/13/2005 - I'm Not Locked Into This 5.75% 30-Year F.R.M. With You—You're Locked Into This 5.75% 30-Year F.R.M. With Me

4/13/2005 - DEA Seizes Half-Built Suspension Bridge From Bogotá To Miami

4/13/2005 - Pope John Paul II, Longtime Owner Of Popemobile, Dead At 84

4/13/2005 - Preparing A Living Will

4/13/2005 - French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard

4/13/2005 - Pope-Killing Virus Claims Yet Another Victim

4/13/2005 - Inside: Spring Fashions So Glamorous You'll Practically Shit Yourself

4/13/2005 - April 13, 1916

4/13/2005 - Cost Of Living Now Outweighs Benefits

4/13/2005 - Heaven Less Opulent Than Vatican, Reports Disappointed Pope

4/13/2005 - Inner-City Community Bands Together To Find Missing Parent

4/13/2005 - Papal Apartments Found Filled With Old Newspapers, Empty Pill Bottles, Mangy Cats

4/6/2005 - Actual Urgent Message From Robert Redford Goes Unheeded

4/6/2005 - 1998 Powerball Winner Returns To Food-Service Job

4/6/2005 - 'He's A Stockbroker,' Says Woman Who Finds That Exciting

4/6/2005 - Colombian Teen Going Through Anti-Government Guerilla Phase

4/6/2005 - Nation's Tall Asked To Stand In Back

4/6/2005 - Terri Schiavo Dies Of Embarrassment

4/6/2005 - Many Cancer Deaths Preventable

4/6/2005 - Rising Oil Prices

4/6/2005 - Horoscope for the week of April 6, 2005

4/6/2005 - Slowly Rotating Pie A Metaphor For Trucker's Failing Marriage

4/6/2005 - What Are We Writing Off?

4/6/2005 - Congress Awards Itself Congressional Medal Of Honor

4/6/2005 - Being The Mayor Of Sucktown Isn't All I Thought It Would Be

4/6/2005 - Local Fox Affiliate Debuts Terror-Alert Van

4/6/2005 - Who Are You Going To Believe—Me, Or That Encyclopedia Britannica 2005 Almanac?

4/6/2005 - Pope's Renal System Proves Fallible

4/6/2005 - U.S. High School Gets Raw End Of Student Exchange

4/6/2005 - Cheney Offspring Bursts From Bush's Chest

4/6/2005 - April 7, 1948