7/27/2005 - UN Quietly Pushed Into East River

7/27/2005 - Disneyland's 50th Anniversary

7/27/2005 - Chocolate Pudding Up $2 A Barrel

7/27/2005 - Bush To London Bombers: 'Bring It On'

7/27/2005 - Study: 72 Percent Of High-Fives Unwarranted

7/27/2005 - Scientists Discover 6,000-Year-Old Stain

7/27/2005 - Embattled Rove Seeks Asylum In Scarborough Country

7/27/2005 - I'm Choking On A Kalamata Olive, Not Your Everyday Olive

7/27/2005 - War On String May Be Unwinnable, Says Cat General

7/27/2005 - London Bombings

7/27/2005 - Alcoholic Father Disappointed In Pothead Son

7/27/2005 - Horoscope for the week of July 27, 2005

7/27/2005 - Armchair Publicist Would Totally Rein In Tom Cruise

7/27/2005 - Shop Worn

7/27/2005 - Supreme Court Justices Devour Sandra Day O'Connor In Ancient Ritual

7/27/2005 - Who Did This To You?

7/27/2005 - Many U.S. Cities Losing Battles To Preserve Their Burger Kings

7/27/2005 - July 27, 1956

7/27/2005 - Video Games

7/20/2005 - Space Shuttle Delay

7/20/2005 - Anonymous Source: 'I'm A Cowardly Snitch'

7/20/2005 - Parasites Just Getting The Hang Of How Host Does Things

7/20/2005 - Man Who Lost Leg To Whale Decides To Let It Go

7/20/2005 - Marine Corps Shortens Slogan To 'The Few'

7/20/2005 - Stay Of Execution Squandered Again

7/20/2005 - Hospital Infections

7/20/2005 - Local Company Moves Production Underseas

7/20/2005 - Horoscope for the week of July 20, 2005

7/20/2005 - New Puppy Teaches Congress Important Lesson About Responsibility

7/20/2005 - Most Popular Road Signs By State

7/20/2005 - Terri Schiavo's Corpse Blown Away By Hurricane

7/20/2005 - July 20, 1925

7/20/2005 - Which Jackson Will Dominate Next Year's Headlines?

7/20/2005 - I'm A Fucked-Up-Chick Magnet

7/20/2005 - Alcoholic-Beverage-Consumer Confidence Skyrockets

7/20/2005 - Fetish Only Realized After Watching Wife Drown

7/20/2005 - Never In My Wildest Dreams Did I Think I'd Get Bored Watching Robots Fight

7/13/2005 - Internet Social Networks

7/13/2005 - E! Gives Local Masturbator Inside Scoop On This Summer's Hottest New Swimwear

7/13/2005 - Kleenex Box Inadequately Covered

7/13/2005 - Area Man Killed In Committee

7/13/2005 - Shape Magazine Declares July 'Let Yourself Go' Month

7/13/2005 - Lone Man With Six-Pack 'Partying'

7/13/2005 - Horoscope for the week of July 13, 2005

7/13/2005 - Help! Sandal Season Is Here, And My Feet Are A Mess vs. Help! I'm Trapped In A Burning Bus

7/13/2005 - What Books Aren't We Reading This Summer?

7/13/2005 - Water Pistol Fired Using Sideways Gangsta Grip

7/13/2005 - National Parks Under Siege

7/13/2005 - Area Tank Top Strained Nearly To Breaking Point

7/13/2005 - Sun Safety Tips

7/13/2005 - Yacht Club Regatta Marred By Tragic Undergrilling Of Mahi Mahi

7/13/2005 - Rotating Knife Vortex Closed Pending Safety Investigation

7/13/2005 - Nation's Shirtless, Shoeless March On Washington For Equal-Service Rights

7/13/2005 - If The Heat Doesn't Kill The Elderly, I Will

7/13/2005 - Small Town's 'Cryptosporidium Daze' Fails To Attract Visitors

7/13/2005 - July 12, 1977

7/13/2005 - Suburban Family Invests Hopes, Dreams In Gas Grill

7/13/2005 - Summertime

7/6/2005 - All Y'All Urged To Go Fuck Yo' Selves

7/6/2005 - Sole Remaining Lung Filled With Rich, Satisfying Flavor

7/6/2005 - Magic-Markered Initials Fail To Deter Breakroom Rice-Cake Thief

7/6/2005 - Bush Regales Dinner Guests With Impromptu Oratory On Virgil's Minor Works

7/6/2005 - National Filmstrip Board Calls For Quiet

7/6/2005 - Top Sitcom Premises By Number Of Repetitions

7/6/2005 - Horoscope for the week of July 6, 2005

7/6/2005 - Customer's Attempt To Complain To Manager Thwarted By Employee

7/6/2005 - The Social Security Time Bomb

7/6/2005 - 'Midwest' Discovered Between East And West Coasts

7/6/2005 - My God, What Passes For Crunch-tastic These Days

7/6/2005 - Hamster Thrown From Remote-Control Monster Truck

7/6/2005 - New York City's Olympic Bid

7/6/2005 - Lawn-And-Garden Tips

7/6/2005 - Mason-Dixon Line Renamed IHOP-Waffle House Line

7/6/2005 - Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

7/6/2005 - Housewife Charged In Sex-For-Security Scam

7/6/2005 - Greenpeace Decides Northern Spotted Owl 'Not Worth The Trouble Anymore'

7/6/2005 - That Same Guy With The Glasses At Every Rock Show