11/30/2005 - Your Horoscope 4148

11/30/2005 - At Least I Got My Ass Kicked By A Name-Brand Crowbar

11/30/2005 - Why Can't Anyone Tell I'm Wearing This Business Suit Ironically?

11/30/2005 - RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs

11/30/2005 - Enchilada Premonition Comes To Pass

11/30/2005 - MythBusters Team Struck Down By Zeus

11/30/2005 - Impersonal Trainer Couldn't Give A Fuck What You Do With Those Free Weights

11/30/2005 - November 27, 1979

11/30/2005 - Wal-Mart P.R.

11/30/2005 - What Are We Buying In Bulk?

11/30/2005 - Rerun of $25,000 Pyramid Adjusted For Inflation

11/30/2005 - Unregistered Sex Offender Notifies Neighbors In His Own Way

11/30/2005 - Fritolaysia Cuts Off Chiplomatic Relations With Snakistan

11/30/2005 - Sleazy Town Will Do Anything To Get On Map

11/30/2005 - Terrorist Has No Idea What To Do With All This Plutonium

11/30/2005 - CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years

11/30/2005 - Highest Blender Setting Successfully Drowns Out Angry Jamba Juice Customer

11/30/2005 - Museums Raided Tombs?

11/29/2005 - Venezuela Offers Oil To Poor In Massachusetts

11/28/2005 - Extra-Extra-Large Man Finds T-Shirt

11/28/2005 - Bush Targeted Al-Jazeera?

11/25/2005 - "Tookie" To Be Executed?

11/25/2005 - Pentagon Gets Twelve Weapons For A Penny From Columbia Missile And Tank Club

11/25/2005 - Eastern Religions: Which One Is Best For Your Abs?

11/24/2005 - NFL To Move All 32 Teams To Los Angeles

11/24/2005 - Phil Jackson Introduces New Tetrahedron Offense

11/24/2005 - ON SHERYL SWOOPES COMING OUT AS A LESBIAN

11/24/2005 - John Madden Arrested For Possession Of Turhumanheaducken

11/24/2005 - Pony-Wanting Ron Artest To Be On Best Behavior Till Christmas

11/24/2005 - NASCAR Champ Trades In Points For Fun Prizes

11/24/2005 - Johnny Depp's Indentured Servitude To Tim Burton Ends

11/24/2005 - Sony Recalls Risky CDs

11/23/2005 - November 22, 1963

11/23/2005 - Recording Artists

11/23/2005 - What Are We Giving Thanks For?

11/23/2005 - Someday, Son, All This Cheap Crap Will Be Yours

11/23/2005 - Why Does Everybody Hate Me?

11/23/2005 - Topeka Mayor Now Highest-Ranking Non-Indicted Republican Official

11/23/2005 - Best-Laid Plans Of Mice Mostly Cheese-Related

11/23/2005 - Holocaust Film Appeals To Believers And Skeptics Alike

11/23/2005 - All Of Pregnant Woman's Favorite Names Used Up On Cats

11/23/2005 - Horoscopes 4147

11/23/2005 - I.T. Guy Has Long Dark Night Of Self-Doubt

11/23/2005 - Actually, Suicide Not The Easy Way Out For Area Quadriplegic

11/23/2005 - Local Bull Dreams Of Traveling To Spain For Running Of The Bulls

11/23/2005 - Bush To Increase Funding For Hope-Based Initiatives

11/23/2005 - Parking-Ramp Attendant Knows All The Best Spaces

11/23/2005 - FCC: All Programming To Be Broadcast In ADHDTV By 2007

11/23/2005 - Cases Of Glitter Lung On The Rise Among Elementary-School Art Teachers

11/23/2005 - A Raise For Congress

11/23/2005 - Pea Farmers Say They Alone Keep Peas From Overrunning Planet

11/22/2005 - FEMA Cuts Off Evacuees

11/21/2005 - Xbox 360 Features

11/21/2005 - White House On Offensive

11/21/2005 - Love Affair Not Torrid Enough For Area Man

11/18/2005 - Who Is The World's Best Dictator?

11/18/2005 - TV Downloads On AOL

11/18/2005 - Bonsai Tree Finally Dies After Four-Year Battle With College Student

11/17/2005 - The Undertaker Forced To Manage Eddie Guerrero's Funeral

11/17/2005 - NASCAR To Kurt Busch: 'Keep The Drunk Driving On The Racetrack'

11/17/2005 - Mia Hamm Declines Third-Year Option On Nomar Garciaparra

11/17/2005 - On Patriots LB Tedy Bruschi Playing After Suffering A Stroke

11/17/2005 - Cam Neely's Hall Of Fame Induction Speech Cut Short Due To Injury

11/17/2005 - Alcohol Awareness Class

11/16/2005 - November 18, 1920

11/16/2005 - Your Horoscope 4146

11/16/2005 - Where Is Our Retirement Fund Invested?

11/16/2005 - New Harry Potter Film

11/16/2005 - My Daughter, Who Lives At 152 East Medgar St. Apt. 4, Can't Keep Her Damn Legs Crossed

11/16/2005 - Life In The Navy Rocks Even Harder Than The Commercial Implied

11/16/2005 - Anti-Homosexuality Sermon Suspiciously Well-Informed

11/16/2005 - Greg Behrendt Releases New Book For Children: Your Parents Aren't That Into You

11/16/2005 - Report: North Korea Just Enjoys Nuclear Talks

11/16/2005 - Activist Wet-T-Shirt Judge Votes For Girlfriend

11/16/2005 - Scientific American Somehow Makes Woman Feel Bad About Her Body

11/16/2005 - KFC Introduces New Bird-Flu Dipping Vaccine

11/16/2005 - Animal Planet Reality Show To Put Bear, Antelope, Hawk, Cheetah In Same House

11/16/2005 - 133 Dead As Delta Cancels Flight In Midair

11/16/2005 - Area Baby Doesn't Have Any Friends

11/16/2005 - Long-Awaited Beer With Bush Really Awkward, Voter Reports

11/16/2005 - New Medicare Plan

11/16/2005 - Everything Proceeding According To Bizarre Right-Wing Plan

11/15/2005 - Montana Bison Hunt

11/15/2005 - Off-Duty Weatherman Delights Seniors With Impromptu Forecast

11/14/2005 - Roommate Eats Emergency-Preparedness Kit

11/14/2005 - Intelligent Design Ousted

11/11/2005 - Bush To Veto Torture Ban?

11/11/2005 - Part 4, American Hero Series

11/11/2005 - Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes' Baby Could Be Born Addicted To Publicity

11/10/2005 - U.S. Immigration Fence?

11/10/2005 - Jesus Questioned For Accepting Tithes From Lobbyists

11/10/2005 - NFL Midseason Report

11/10/2005 - NYC Marathon Winner 'Just Went Out There And Had Fun'

11/10/2005 - ON AGGRESSIVE SPORTS AGENTS

11/10/2005 - Pete Rose Jr. Somehow Finds Way To Disgrace Family Name

11/10/2005 - Vikings Quickly Sign Released Panthers Cheerleaders

11/10/2005 - MLS Free Agent Holding Out For Money

11/10/2005 - Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett Get Into Argument Over Who's Taller

11/9/2005 - November 9, 1988

11/9/2005 - I'm Very Interested In Hearing Some Half-Baked Theories

11/9/2005 - My Personal Shopper Is The Worst

11/9/2005 - Your Horoscope

11/9/2005 - Top Safety Placards

11/9/2005 - Canceled Iraqi Reconstruction Projects

11/9/2005 - Faith Healer Loses Patient During Routine Miracle

11/9/2005 - Cameron Crowe To Release Only Soundtracks

11/9/2005 - Bird Arthritis Epidemic Largely Ignored

11/9/2005 - Okie Hears There's Sam's Club Work In New Mexico

11/9/2005 - Wife Always Dragging Husband Into Her Marital Problems

11/9/2005 - Chicago's Shedd Aquarium Admits Panda Exhibit A Ghastly Mistake

11/9/2005 - SuicideGirls.com Put On 24-Hour Watch

11/9/2005 - Redbook Reporter Refuses To Disclose Source Of Recipe

11/9/2005 - U.S. Dollar Slips Against Canadian Acorn

11/9/2005 - Metal Council Convenes To Discuss 'Metal Hand Sign' Abuse

11/9/2005 - 'Now We Can Finally Put Civil Rights Behind Us'

11/9/2005 - White House Ethics Class

11/9/2005 - Bicycle-Riding Circus Bear Pedals Back To Natural Habitat

11/8/2005 - Unfazed Karl Rove Leaks Valerie Plame's Age, Weight

11/8/2005 - Top Al-Qaeda Escapee

11/7/2005 - Rioting Continues In Paris

11/7/2005 - Bufferin Sought In Series Of Pain Killings

11/6/2005 - The Onion News Network's Morning Show: Today Now!

11/4/2005 - Record Oil Prices, Record Oil Profits

11/4/2005 - Weather Channel Opens Las Vegas Casino

11/4/2005 - Disaster, Could It Strike Again?

11/3/2005 - Amid Controversy, NBA Announces Even Stricter Dress Code

11/3/2005 - National Sex-Boat Industry Facing Financial Trouble

11/3/2005 - ON AGGRESSIVE SPORTS AGENTS

11/3/2005 - NFL Discontinues ‘Take Your Daughter To Work Day’

11/3/2005 - NBA Season Opens With Record Seven Scoreless Ties

11/3/2005 - Dems Force Closed Senate

11/3/2005 - Michael Bay Makes High-Octane Trip To Grocery Store

11/2/2005 - Horoscopes 4144

11/2/2005 - Yeti Releases Abdominable Crunch Workout Video

11/2/2005 - Mega-Churchgoer Hopes To Appear Devout On Jumbotron

11/2/2005 - November 2, 1994

11/2/2005 - New Corporate Responsibility Laws

11/2/2005 - What's The Worst That Could Happen?

11/2/2005 - I Plan To Take Full Advantage Of The Upcoming Q&A With Howie Mandel

11/2/2005 - There's A Nude Sheriff In Town

11/2/2005 - Floral Arrangement At Funeral Talked About More Than Deceased

11/2/2005 - 'Scooter' Libby Wishes He'd Ditched Nickname Before Media Coverage

11/2/2005 - New Custard Could Cause Worldwide Flandemic

11/2/2005 - This So Typical Of Hemophiliac

11/2/2005 - Hanukkah Decorations Being Defaced Earlier Every Year

11/2/2005 - Bush Orders Mass Bald Eagle Slaughter To Stop Spread Of Bird Flu

11/2/2005 - TV-News Graphics Guy Gives Weatherman On-Air Surprise

11/2/2005 - Night On Town Fails To Rekindle Fading Business Relationship

11/2/2005 - Iraqi Constitution Ratified, Burned

11/2/2005 - Eric Being A Real Dick Lately

11/2/2005 - Alito Nominated

11/1/2005 - FBI Probe Problems

11/1/2005 - Childless Couple Seriously Considering Abducting