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2007 October
10/31/2007 - Child On White House Tour Momentarily Seizes Control Of Nation
10/31/2007 - Banking Industry On Hard Times
10/31/2007 - If I Die, Please Finish This Sandwich
10/31/2007 - I'm Quite Eccentric Within Accepted Societal Norms
10/31/2007 - What's The Moral Of Our Story?
10/31/2007 - Pool Cues Go Unused In Disappointing Bar Fight
10/31/2007 - Iraqi Diplomat Draft?
10/31/2007 - Count Dracula Stripped Of Title By Transylvanian Authorities
10/30/2007 - Bike Helmet Protects Child From Helmet-Inspired Beating
10/30/2007 - Political Scientists Discover New Form Of Government
10/30/2007 - Your Horoscope
10/30/2007 - Area Woman Saved From Burning Wreck Only To Die 40 Years Later
10/30/2007 - The Child Labor Gap
10/29/2007 - Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again
10/29/2007 - Gerbil Growing Distant
10/29/2007 - Roomba Maker Unveils Military Robot
10/29/2007 - Postmaster General: 'Letter Carrier Surge Is Working'
10/29/2007 - Editorial Cartoon - October 29, 2007
10/29/2007 - Archangel Gabriel Has Great Idea For Screenplay
10/28/2007 - Microsoft Sold To Crows
10/27/2007 - Hippie Dances Ecstatically
10/27/2007 - Sugar Ray Thrilled To Be Playing In Man's Head
10/26/2007 - That One Bob Guy And Why He Can Go Fuck Himself
10/26/2007 - Colorado Rockies Trademark 'Rocktober'
10/26/2007 - Stupid Fucking Mistake Ruining Whole Fucking Day
10/26/2007 - Report: Everyone In Hollywood Great Friends
10/26/2007 - Area Man To Start Curling His 2s
10/25/2007 - Live From Congress: Representative Wants To See, Meet More Kids Online
10/25/2007 - World Series Flyover Turns Out To Be Full-Scale Airstrike
10/25/2007 - Terry Francona Announces Josh Beckett Will Start Games 1, 4, 7, 2, 6, 3, 5
10/25/2007 - On Columnist Rick Reilly Leaving Sports Illustrated For ESPN
10/25/2007 - The 2007 World Series
10/25/2007 - Small Change In Procedure Wendy's Manager's Crowning Achievement
10/25/2007 - Area Man Not Interested In Your Life Story
10/25/2007 - The Most Boring Records In Sports
10/25/2007 - Miami Dolphins Wonder If They'll Have End Zones In England
10/25/2007 - Red Sox Attempt To Break Fabled 'Curse Of Relief Pitcher Curtis Leskanic'
10/25/2007 - Rockies Complain About 'Thick' Fenway Park Air
10/25/2007 - Nervous Joe Girardi Blows Interview With Yankees
10/25/2007 - Bin Laden Tape Urges Iraq Unity
10/25/2007 - David Ortiz Incorporates Champagne Goggles Into Everyday Uniform
10/24/2007 - Lethal Injection Ban Leads To Rise In Back-Alley Lethal Injections
10/24/2007 - Middle School Dispenses Birth Control
10/24/2007 - It's Not Easy Being A Frotteur
10/24/2007 - Who's Our Role Model?
10/24/2007 - Writers Strike Looming
10/24/2007 - Slow Down, Technology!
10/24/2007 - Zeus Takes Form Of Shirtless Man
10/23/2007 - Doll-Housing Crisis Set To Worsen, Mean Older Brother Says
10/23/2007 - Political Campaigns
10/23/2007 - Crossword Editor Obviously Guilty In String Of Nurse Murders
10/23/2007 - Your Horoscope
10/23/2007 - Scientists Theorize What Would Happen If They Touched A Cloud
10/23/2007 - Megachurch Threatened By New Ultrachurch
10/23/2007 - Rowling: 'Dumbledore Is Gay'
10/22/2007 - Preemptive Memorial Honors Future Victims Of Imminent Dam Disaster
10/22/2007 - Not-So-Horrible Thing Happens In Iraq
10/22/2007 - Boomers On Social Security
10/22/2007 - FDA: Juicy Green Apple Conditioner Best Used With Juicy Green Apple Shampoo
10/22/2007 - Editorial Cartoon - October 22, 2007
10/22/2007 - On Torre Turning Down the Yankees' Contract Offer
10/22/2007 - Diabetic Child's Survival Hinges On Contents Of Piñata
10/21/2007 - Nation Shocked By Pre-Natal Shooting
10/20/2007 - First Orgy After Brian's Death Very Solemn
10/20/2007 - Man On TV Urges Mass Purchase Of Listerine
10/19/2007 - One Man's Inspirational Story And How It No Way Relates To You
10/19/2007 - Oct. 19, 1931
10/19/2007 - Bomb Shelter All Set For World Without Doritos
10/19/2007 - Entire Precinct Made Up Of Loose Cannons
10/19/2007 - Drug-Resistant Staph Widespread
10/19/2007 - Police Horrified By Grisly Remains Of Taco Bell Meal
10/18/2007 - Both Teams Satisfied With Three-And-A-Half Yard Carry
10/18/2007 - In The Know: Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough?
10/18/2007 - Nervous University Of South Florida Football Team Kind Of Hoping They Lose
10/18/2007 - Midnight Madness
10/18/2007 - '95-'96 Prayers Finally Answered
10/18/2007 - Vinny Testaverde Touchdown Dance Hopelessly Out-Of-Date
10/18/2007 - Terry Francona Sends Eric Gagne Down To Made-Up Triple-A Team
10/18/2007 - Dolphins To Distract Patriots While Browns Get Them From Behind
10/18/2007 - Dan Marino Hosts Hour-Long HBO Special Celebrating Favre's Interceptions
10/18/2007 - Hooters Hires Another Shauna
10/18/2007 - On The Rockies Sweeping Arizona To Advance To The World Series
10/18/2007 - Madonna, Warner Bros. Part Ways
10/18/2007 - MLB.com Executive Casually Reminds Harold Reynolds Not To Sexually Harass Anyone
10/18/2007 - Tony Stewart
10/17/2007 - Last Remaining Novelist Dies In Captivity
10/17/2007 - U.S.-Turkey Relations Cool
10/17/2007 - Sears Gold Card Holder Pushing Weight Around Area Sears
10/17/2007 - If Elected, I Will Have The Hottest First Lady In U.S. History
10/17/2007 - Top Reasons For Employee Absence
10/17/2007 - Fifty Years Of Space Exploration
10/17/2007 - Congress Allocates $500 Billion To Combat Unexplained Rattling Noise In Congressional Car
10/17/2007 - You're Not My Real Stepdad!
10/17/2007 - Fifty Years Of Space Exploration
10/17/2007 - Over-Hydrated Terrier Proud Owner Of Six City Blocks
10/16/2007 - Jerry Lewis Undergoes Emergency Gefloigel Surgery
10/16/2007 - NBC Universal To Buy Oxygen
10/16/2007 - What's Left Of Pamela Anderson Married Again
10/16/2007 - What's Left Of Pamela Anderson Married Again
10/16/2007 - Your Horoscope
10/16/2007 - It Only Tuesday
10/16/2007 - Man Sentenced To 3 Months Probation For 17th-Degree Murder
10/15/2007 - Conceptual Terrorists Encase Sears Tower In Jell-O
10/15/2007 - Death Of Miss Moneypenny All TNT Needed To Run Monthlong Bond Marathon
10/15/2007 - Laura Bush: U.S. To Condemn Burma
10/15/2007 - On Randy Moss And Terrell Owens Behaving Themselves So Far This Season
10/15/2007 - Editorial Cartoon - October 15, 2007
10/15/2007 - Four Dead After Man Loses Control Of Dowsing Rod
10/14/2007 - Area Man Gets In One Last Night Of Sex Before Breaking Up
10/13/2007 - Hershey's Ordered To Pay Obese Americans $135 Billion
10/13/2007 - Reaganomics Finally Trickles Down To Area Man
10/12/2007 - Bisexual's Parents Half-Understand
10/12/2007 - Former Defense Secretary Rumsfeld Seen Shivering In Autumn Wind
10/12/2007 - Doing God's Work: Does It Let God Off The Hook?
10/12/2007 - Atlantic City Mayor Resigns
10/12/2007 - Piping-Hot Calzone Missing
10/11/2007 - Trent Green Holds Press Conference To Announce Long String Of Vowels
10/11/2007 - All-Time Greatest Upsets
10/11/2007 - Police Tasers Deemed Safe
10/11/2007 - Torre, Steinbrenner Have Most Awkward Bathroom Encounter Of Their Lives
10/11/2007 - Curt Schilling Inexplicably Bleeding Throughout Game 3 Start
10/11/2007 - Blues At Blackhawks
10/11/2007 - Goodell Tells Bills To Use Bye Week To See If Football Is Something They Really Want To Be Doing
10/11/2007 - Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame Retires 'D' Chord
10/11/2007 - Piniella: 'Oh, First To Three
Wins
'
10/11/2007 - Eighth-Grade Reading List Heavily Favors Stuff That Sucks Big TIme
10/11/2007 - Patriots Stunned By Mere 17-Point Victory
10/11/2007 - One Dead, Hundreds Injured As Chicagoans Attempt To Run
10/11/2007 - On The Strange Insect Infestation In Last Week's Yankees-Indians Game
10/11/2007 - Proposed (Classified) Bill Will Defend Against Flesh-Eating (Classified)
10/10/2007 - NASA Announces Plan To Bring Wi-Fi To Its Headquarters By 2017
10/10/2007 - CIA's Authorized Torture Practices
10/10/2007 - Why Is It That My Girlfriend Insists On Sticking Around While I Transform Into A Werewolf?
10/10/2007 - Cost Of Freedom At All-Time High
10/10/2007 - How Did We Get That Scar?
10/10/2007 - I Just Discovered This Hilarious Comic Strip Called '
Garfield'
10/10/2007 - Ticket Brokers Under Fire
10/10/2007 - President Of Mexico Eaten Alive By President-Eating Fish
10/9/2007 - File Sharer Fined $222,000
10/9/2007 - Christian Slater Reports That Christian Slater Has Still Got That Christian Slater Magic
10/9/2007 - Your Horoscope
10/9/2007 - Hanes Unveils W-Neck T-Shirt
10/9/2007 - Every Intern At Nonprofit Trying To Solve Refugee Crisis First
10/8/2007 - Use Of 'N-Word' May End Porn Star's Career
10/8/2007 - Thousands March On Washington For A Little Fresh Air, Exercise
10/8/2007 - Editorial Cartoon - October 8, 2007
10/8/2007 - On The Rockies/Padres One-Game Playoff Ending With A Controversial Call At Home Plate
10/8/2007 - Radiohead's New Honor System
10/8/2007 - New Report Puts America Behind In Psychic-Prediction Race
10/7/2007 - Spain Vows Eternal Vigilance In War On Bulls
10/7/2007 - Film School Graduate Bad-Mouths Film School
10/7/2007 - Amnesty International Demands Gentler Soap For Indonesian Political Prisoner
10/7/2007 - General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win Air Bags
10/7/2007 - Rich First-Grader Buys Whole Sheet Of Gold Stars
10/7/2007 - Discovery Of Oil Turns Peru Into Bunch Of Assholes
10/7/2007 - Russia Acquires Amway Distributorship
10/7/2007 - Heartbreaking Country Ballad Paralyzes Trucking Industry
10/7/2007 - Malaysian Siblings Angrily Divide Their Bedroom Into Twelfths
10/7/2007 - Dept. Of Transportation To Replace Highway Mile Markers With Dead Raccoons
10/7/2007 - Ruthless Dictator Going Through Mid-Strife Crisis
10/7/2007 - Educational Puppet Pelted With Crayons
10/7/2007 - Nation's Educators Alarmed By Poorly Written Teen Suicide Notes
10/7/2007 - Area Dullard Opts For Vocational School
10/7/2007 - Lucky Dead Student Gets Own Page In Yearbook
10/7/2007 - Swiss End Neutrality Toward Delectable Pastries
10/7/2007 - Goodyear Unveils New Circular Tires
10/7/2007 - 4 Billion Years Of Evolution Unable To Prevent Area Man From Drooling On Self
10/7/2007 - Area Man Consults Internet Whenever Possible
10/6/2007 - Most Terrorists Fail To Start Day With Good Breakfast
10/6/2007 - Karate Lessons Give Child Self-Confidence To Quit Karate
10/5/2007 - Girl You Came With Seems More Interested In Talking To Mr. Slicko Over There
10/5/2007 - Pinkeye: The Silent Annoyer
10/5/2007 - North Korea Dismantling Nuclear Program
10/5/2007 - Aunt Threatens To Devour Helpless Newborn's Toes
10/5/2007 - Third Amendment Rights Group Celebrates Another Successful Year
10/4/2007 - Viewer Voices: Where We Respond To The Opinions Of Our Uninformed Viewers
10/4/2007 - On The Mets’ Historic Late-Season Collapse
10/4/2007 - Aging Morten Andersen: ‘Kicking Field Goals Is All I Know’
10/4/2007 - Ricky Williams: 'I Can't Believe I Got Really Baked And Applied For Reinstatement Into The NFL'
10/4/2007 - Webster's Reluctantly Adds 'Melty' To English Lexicon
10/4/2007 - Confused Cubs Think They're Going To Arizona To Start Spring Training
10/4/2007 - Yankees Decline Wild Card
10/4/2007 - MLB World Series Contenders
10/4/2007 - Arkansas Nuns Excommunicated
10/4/2007 - Mother Worries CEO Son Might Fall Out Of Corner-Office Window
10/4/2007 - Vlad Guerrero
10/4/2007 - Mets Vow To Win One More Game Next Year
10/4/2007 - NFL To Place Favre's 421st Touchdown Ball, Receiver, Stadium Into Hall Of Fame
10/4/2007 - Umenyiora Comes Out Of Nowhere To Sack McNabb In Parking Lot
10/3/2007 - New Heart Device Allows Cheney To Experience Love
10/3/2007 - Blackwater In The United States
10/3/2007 - Son, You've Made A Mockery Of Taco Night
10/3/2007 - What's Our New Affectation?
10/3/2007 - Date Of Apple Backlash Set For March 21, 2008
10/3/2007 - I'm Still Dazzled By The 2007 Emmy Awards!
10/3/2007 - Vicious, Man-Eating Carnivores On Decline In Arctic
10/3/2007 - Britney Loses Custody Of Children
10/3/2007 - Real-Life Beverly Hillbillies Stripped Of Assets By Oil Company Lawyers
10/2/2007 - Newt Won't Run
10/2/2007 - Suicide Note Makes Convincing Case
10/2/2007 - Vagina Medicine Left Out Where Anyone Can See It
10/2/2007 - Your Horoscope
10/2/2007 - Dame Walks In WIth Legs Up To Here
10/1/2007 - Country Music Stars Challenge Al-Qaeda With Patriotic New Song ‘Bomb New York’
10/1/2007 - On The End Of The U.S. Women's Soccer Team's 51-Game Winning Streak
10/1/2007 - Overuse Of Enzyme-Based Cleaners May Be Causing Highly Resistant Superstains
10/1/2007 - Editorial Cartoon - October 1, 2007
10/1/2007 - Western Gorilla Almost Extinct
10/1/2007 - Lazy Scientist Leaves Sink Full Of Dirty Molecules
10/1/2007 - That 'Full House' Episode Where They Meet The Beach Boys Is On Tomorrow At 3 P.M.