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2008 August
8/31/2008 - Pedophile Nervous For First Day Of School
8/31/2008 - Elderly Man Wages War On Area Pharmacy
8/30/2008 - Juicer Infomercial Sweeps Early Morning Emmys
8/30/2008 - God's Gift To Women Returned
8/29/2008 - DNC Coverage: Post Mortem
8/29/2008 - Smiling Now Primarily Used To Communicate Anger
8/29/2008 - Our Annual Worst Issue Of The Year Issue
8/29/2008 - Mugabe Heckled By Parliament
8/29/2008 - Area Man Always Picked Last For Employment
8/28/2008 - DNC Coverage: Thank You Denver!
8/28/2008 - DNC Coverage: August Surprise?
8/28/2008 - DNC Coverage: ***BREAKING NEWS!!!!****
8/28/2008 - DNC Coverage: A New Dawn
8/28/2008 - DNC Coverage: Change I Can Believe In!
8/28/2008 - DNC Coverage: Faded Promise
8/28/2008 - DNC Coverage: Sheep In Wolf's Clothing
8/28/2008 - DNC Coverage: Stars Of All Different Stripes
8/28/2008 - Aqua Teen Hunger Force Babies
8/28/2008 - Report: Turkey Sandwiches An Excellent Source Of Turkey Sandwiches
8/28/2008 - DNC Coverage: **EXCLUSIVE BREAKING NEWS!**
8/28/2008 - DNC Coverage: Unilateral Response
8/28/2008 - DNC Coverage: Secret Service
8/28/2008 - Will Barack Obama Overcome His Crippling Fear Of Public Speaking In Time For His Big Speech?
8/28/2008 - Chad Pennington
8/28/2008 - Amish Population Boom
8/28/2008 - Giants Unveil Strahan Signal
8/28/2008 - Hawaii Wins Little League World Series
8/28/2008 - Report: Dwyane Wade Left Cell-Phone Charger In China
8/28/2008 - 'Inside The Golf Bag' Best Title Ernie Els Could Think Of For Autobiography
8/28/2008 - Guy Who Just Beat You To Bus Stop Usain Bolt
8/28/2008 - Stuart Scott's Left Eye Moves To Fox
8/28/2008 - Great Olympic Moments From The Lesser-Known Sports
8/28/2008 - On Scoring The Olympics On Gold Medals Versus Medal Count:
8/28/2008 - Michael Phelps' Name To Be Mentioned Six Times Following Olympics
8/28/2008 - Challenging New Iraq War Video Game Will Take 14 Years To Play
8/27/2008 - DNC Coverage: Great Expectations
8/27/2008 - Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward For African Americans
8/27/2008 - DNC Coverage: A Matter Of Justice
8/27/2008 - DNC Coverage: An American President
8/27/2008 - Cheney To Speak At Republican Convention From Section 109, Row 56, Seat 3
8/27/2008 - DNC Coverage: Cover Up
8/27/2008 - Point/Counterpoint: Party! vs. Whoo! Party!
8/27/2008 - Most-Coveted Carnival Prizes
8/27/2008 - DNC Coverage: Shoulder To Shoulder With Greatness
8/27/2008 - DNC Coverage: Choice Of A New Generation
8/27/2008 - Restaurants Struggle To Keep Customers
8/27/2008 - FBI Launches Nationwide Manhunt For New Office Manager
8/27/2008 - Obama Modifies 'Yes We Can' Message To Exclude Area Loser
8/27/2008 - America Needs To Have A Superficial Conversation About Race
8/27/2008 - Moisturizers Cause Cancer In Mice
8/27/2008 - New Flavored Fork Adds Taste Of Ham To Every Meal
8/26/2008 - DNC Coverage: Media Bias?
8/26/2008 - DNC Coverage: Denver, Clean Up Your Act!
8/26/2008 - DNC Coverage: Catching Up
8/26/2008 - Bob Dylan Digitally Remastered
8/26/2008 - DNC Coverage: Some Dish
8/26/2008 - DNC Coverage: Here's A Real "Scoop!"
8/26/2008 - Hundreds Of Musicians Removed From Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame For Drug Use
8/26/2008 - Bush Lets War Widow Punch His Arm Once
8/26/2008 - Your Horoscope
8/26/2008 - Seinfeld To Revive Microsoft
8/26/2008 - War & Violence
8/25/2008 - DNC Coverage: A Not-So-Conventional Eatery
8/25/2008 - Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Large Land Mass To The South
8/25/2008 - DNC Coverage: Denver's True Colors
8/25/2008 - DNC Coverage: Warm Welcome?
8/25/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - August 25, 2008
8/25/2008 - U.S. Advises Allies Not To Border Russia
8/25/2008 - Hummingbird Back At Feeder Again, Grandmother Reports
8/25/2008 - DNC Coverage: Off To A Bad Start
8/25/2008 - Obama Picks Biden As VP
8/25/2008 - McCain Unveils Plan For National Soup Pipeline
8/24/2008 - Dutch Anti-Defamation League Closes
8/23/2008 - Superintendent Draws Up 'Dream School Board' Of All-Time Greats
8/23/2008 - Absent-Minded Professor Says Cure For Cancer 'Around Here Somewhere'
8/22/2008 - So You Think You Can Dance?
8/22/2008 - Aaron Sorkin Announces New 'West Wing' Animated Series At SorCon
8/22/2008 - Bush Told To Sign Birthday Treaty For Someone Named 'Kyoto'
8/22/2008 - The Jonas Brothers: We Find Out How Long They Can Last Without Oxygen
8/22/2008 - College Presidents Rethinking Drinking Age
8/22/2008 - North Korean Olympic Team Forced To Share Single, Grey Jumpsuit
8/21/2008 - Seven Stories
8/21/2008 - Bigfoot Corpse A Fraud
8/21/2008 - Netherlands Taught How To Play Softball Seconds Before Being Shoved Onto Field Against U.S. Team
8/21/2008 - New Fencing Suit May Give Competitors Unfair Advantage
8/21/2008 - Jeremy Shockey Offers To Tear Down New Orleans Residents' Homes
8/21/2008 - On Usain Bolt Setting Two World Records In Two Races:
8/21/2008 - Nastia Liukin
8/21/2008 - Brett Favre On Learning Jets' Intricate Offensive System: 'I Like Football'
8/21/2008 - Remembering The Original Dream Team
8/21/2008 - Michael Phelps Returns To His Tank At Sea World
8/21/2008 - Neighbor Spotted Judging Women's Gymnastics Events On NBC
8/21/2008 - Nation Asks Permission To Stop Watching Olympics Now
8/21/2008 - Executive's Child Makes Unsolicited Bid For Affection
8/20/2008 - Californians Gather To Celebrate Annual Wildfire Tradition
8/20/2008 - Family Comes First, Reports Man Trying To Get Out Of Work
8/20/2008 - Least Popular Honky-Tonk Songs
8/20/2008 - Unmanned Military Drone Briefly Grasps Senselessness Of War
8/20/2008 - Oh, No! Dirt Bikes!
8/20/2008 - Area Woman Will See Any Movie That Takes Place Between 1743 And 1919
8/20/2008 - Chinese Doctoring Public Perception During Olympics
8/20/2008 - Basketball Rolls To Stop At Cheney's Foot
8/20/2008 - Darling, There's Something I've Been Hiding From You—I'm Jimmy Buffett
8/20/2008 - Granite Countertops May Contain Uranium
8/20/2008 - China Bans Release Of Carbon Dioxide By Citizens
8/19/2008 - Your Horoscope
8/19/2008 - King Of Comedy’s Death Ignites 100-Year War For Throne
8/19/2008 - Powerful 'His And Hers' Towel Lobby Stalls Gay Marriage Legislation
8/19/2008 - Julia Child A Spy?
8/19/2008 - Summer Recreation
8/19/2008 - Psychological Evaluation Eaten
8/18/2008 - Latest Poll Reveals 430 New Demographics That Will Decide Election
8/18/2008 - Cop Vows To Hunt Down Punk Who Successfully Pressed Brutality Charges Against His Partner
8/18/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - August 18, 2008
8/18/2008 - Tim Kaine's Children: Tim Kaine Could Be Vice President Of Lameness, Maybe
8/18/2008 - CDC Powerless To Stop Spread Of Virulent Mayonnaise-Borne Pathogen
8/18/2008 - U.S. Driving Less
8/18/2008 - Punch On Nose Fails To Ward Off Loan Shark Attack
8/17/2008 - The Week In Review
8/17/2008 - Sharper Image Vows 'We Will Be Undersold'
8/16/2008 - Soderbergh In The Park To Stage Production Of 'Ocean's Twelve'
8/16/2008 - Study: Watching Under Four Hours Of TV Impairs Ability To Mock Pop Culture
8/15/2008 - Shit That'll Make You Puke!
8/15/2008 - Strolling Across Campus With Two Friends: Is It For You?
8/15/2008 - 6-Year-Old Stares Down Bottomless Abyss Of Formal Schooling
8/15/2008 - First Night Of Freedom Spent Alone In Dorm Room
8/15/2008 - Alumni Furious Over High School's Constant Improvements
8/15/2008 - Mystery Freshman Dominates Ice Breakers, Disappears Into Night
8/15/2008 - Biggest Loser In High School Adjusting To Being Ordinary Loser In College
8/15/2008 - Creative Writing Teacher Announces Plan To Sit On Edge Of Desk
8/15/2008 - Weird Girl You Drunkenly Fooled Around With Waiting Outside Door
8/15/2008 - Johnson & Johnson Introduces 'Nothing But Tears' Shampoo To Toughen Up Newborns
8/15/2008 - Monster Got Tina
8/15/2008 - We Overcome Our Fears And Publish This Photo Of A Scary Spider
8/15/2008 - Iowa Boobs-For-Grades Scandal
8/15/2008 - 1992 Belly Tattoo Stretched To Breaking Point
8/14/2008 - Affair To Threaten Whatever It Is John Edwards Does For A Living
8/14/2008 - Double-Jointed Man On Date Breaks It Out Too Early
8/14/2008 - Old Stars With New Teams
8/14/2008 - Zombie Wilt Chamberlain Leads U.S. Nightmare Team To Victory
8/14/2008 - U.S. Charioteer Breaks 2,500-Year-Old Chariot-Race Record Set By Perseus
8/14/2008 - Usain Bolt vs. Tyson Gay
8/14/2008 - U.S. Cancels Joint Exercises With Russia
8/14/2008 - Olympic Closing Ceremonies To Feature Launch Of Chinese Nuclear Arsenal, Invasion Of United States
8/14/2008 - U.S. Men's Gymnastics Team: 'Win Or Lose, We Will Cry'
8/14/2008 - Green-Clad Olympic Archer Steals Gold Medals From Rich, Gives Them To Poor
8/14/2008 - Manny Ramirez Likes Red Sox's New Blue Uniforms
8/14/2008 - Hurdler Overcomes Many Hurdles To Win Hurdle Race
8/14/2008 - On India's First Olympic Individual Gold Medal:
8/14/2008 - Republican Enjoys Paying Huge Health Insurance Premiums
8/13/2008 - Astronaut Suspects NASA Using Him To Test Space's Effects On Fat People
8/13/2008 - 40-Foot American Flag Pin Welded To Statue Of Liberty
8/13/2008 - How Are We Cutting Our Grocery Bills?
8/13/2008 - Violence Must Only Be Used To Make Hundreds Of Millions Of Dollars
8/13/2008 - Obama's Hillbilly Half-Brother Threatening To Derail Campaign
8/13/2008 - The Evidence Against Ivins
8/13/2008 - New Weather Channel Sitcom About Three Guys, Three Girls, One Storm System
8/13/2008 - People With That Brain-Eating Virus Should Really Just Take A Sick Day
8/13/2008 - McCain Cribs Speech From Wikipedia
8/13/2008 - Portuguese Explorer Discovers New Passage To China
8/12/2008 - Woman's Greatest Dream To One Day Dance In Studio Audience Of 'The Ellen DeGeneres Show'
8/12/2008 - Cheney On The Court
8/12/2008 - Underprotective Father Demands Daughter Arrive Home By 10 A.M.
8/12/2008 - Your Horoscope
8/12/2008 - Apple Pulls $1,000 iPhone App
8/12/2008 - Stalker Spaces On Why He's In Sandra Oh's Garage
8/12/2008 - The Week In Review
8/11/2008 - Chinese Officials: Deadly Virus Sweeping China Is Just Olympic Fever
8/11/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - August 11, 2008
8/11/2008 - Kosher Plant Cited For Child Labor
8/11/2008 - Greyhound Launches New In-Bus Magazine
8/11/2008 - Entire Refrigerator Rearranged To Accommodate Leftover KFC Bucket
8/11/2008 - Voice Actor Gets First Nude Scene
8/10/2008 - The Elderly
8/10/2008 - FBI: Six Dead Not Really 'Mass' Murder
8/9/2008 - Man Realizes Fly Has Been Down For Entire Life
8/9/2008 - Man Hoping To Accidentally See Roommate's Girlfriend Naked
8/8/2008 - My Dad, The Cactus
8/8/2008 - Report: 93% Of Drunk Drivers Get Home Just Fine
8/8/2008 - Is John McCain Secretly Raising His Arms Above His Head When Nobody's Looking?
8/8/2008 - Soundgarden Inadvertently Reunites At Area Cinnabon
8/8/2008 - Straight Talk Express Hits Van
8/8/2008 - Burned Entree Passed Off As Cajun
8/7/2008 - Ridicule It Yourself
8/7/2008 - Dinner Theater Play Reworked To Push Chicken Special
8/7/2008 - New Eco-Friendly Hummer Engineered To Kill Its Drivers
8/7/2008 - Man Gets In Best Shape Of Life To Hang From Bar
8/7/2008 - Michael Phelps
8/7/2008 - Citing Poor Conditions, China Refuses To Send Delegation To Olympics
8/7/2008 - Greatest-Ever Olympic Moments
8/7/2008 - Nation To Leave Olympics On In Background
8/7/2008 - Drunken Carl Lewis Crashes Olympics
8/7/2008 - Woman Turns Down $50 Million Offer From Professional Steeplechase League To Participate In Olympics
8/7/2008 - DVDs Of Olympics Somehow Available On Sidewalk Already
8/7/2008 - Togo's Lone Olympic Representative Under A Lot Of Pressure To Win Olympics
8/7/2008 - On The Olympic Opening Ceremonies:
8/7/2008 - Wal-Mart Wants Republican President
8/6/2008 - 'Cosmopolitan' Institute Completes Decades-Long Study On How To Please Your Man
8/6/2008 - Mortgage Relief Bill Provisions
8/6/2008 - I'm Sure That Out-Of-Control Water-Skier Will Avoid Our Outdoor Wedding
8/6/2008 - Least Popular Widgets
8/6/2008 - Local Idiot To Post Comment On Internet
8/6/2008 - Bush To Olympians: 'Bring Back Lots Of Valuable Gold'
8/6/2008 - Everybody On Television Needs To Stop Talking So Loud
8/6/2008 - Kathy Griffin Rejects 'Dancing'
8/6/2008 - Wind Reserves To Run Out By 2036
8/5/2008 - Your Horoscope
8/5/2008 - Area Russian To Hug You
8/5/2008 - Bags Filled With Sand Still Most Advanced U.S. Anti-Flood Technology
8/5/2008 - Hilton's Mom Calls McCain Ad 'A Waste Of Money'
8/5/2008 - Small Fluffy Dog To Head House Of Versace
8/4/2008 - Technology
8/4/2008 - Pentagon's Unmanned Spokesdrone Completes First Press Conference Mission
8/4/2008 - Nation To Try Its Luck Out West
8/4/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - August 4, 2008
8/4/2008 - List Of Things Man Wants To Do Before He Dies Just List Of TV Shows
8/4/2008 - Giuliani's Son Suing Duke Over Golf
8/4/2008 - Last Vestige Of Manhood Gently Exhaled During Yoga Class
8/3/2008 - The Week In Review
8/3/2008 - President Bush Disappointed Chinese Foreign Minister Doesn't Know Karate
8/2/2008 - Portrait Of A Man With His Fly Down
8/2/2008 - Upcoming Date Only Thing Between Area Man, Utter Self-Neglect
8/1/2008 - Miss An Episode And You're Fucked
8/1/2008 - We Lose The Bidding War For Photos Of Brangelina's New Twins
8/1/2008 - Phantom Diner Appears Only To Those In Their Drunkest Hour
8/1/2008 - Price Of Gas Rises To Four Expletives Per Gallon
8/1/2008 - L.A. Bans Fast Food
8/1/2008 - Hawaiian Family Enjoys Great Vacation In Dayton, OH