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2008 December
12/31/2008 - Super Monkey Collider Loses Funding
12/30/2008 - NASA Baffled By Failure Of Straw Shuttle
12/29/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - December 29, 2008
12/29/2008 - The Technology Issue In Review
12/29/2008 - New U.S. Military Helicopter Too Beautiful To Use In Combat
12/28/2008 - Legendary Duck Survives Another Hunting Season
12/27/2008 - Jesus Answers Half The Prayers At Area Roulette Table
12/26/2008 - Wife's Shortcomings Laid Bare By Female Sportscaster
12/25/2008 - Retired Marathon Runner Discovers Eaters High
12/24/2008 - Man Hit With Bat Needs A Minute
12/23/2008 - Longtime Recreational Eater Turns Pro
12/22/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - December 22, 2008
12/22/2008 - Area Hunter Only Does It For The Jerky
12/21/2008 - Animal-Control Officer In Way Over His Head
12/20/2008 - Area Man Thinks His Insurance Company Is Awesome
12/19/2008 - Entertainment 2008 In Review
12/19/2008 - The Onion's 2008 In Review: Entertainment
12/19/2008 - What A Year This Was!
12/19/2008 - Dame Judi Dench Begins Dating Female DJ
12/19/2008 - Alabama Super-Illegalizes Gay Marriage
12/18/2008 - America's First Gay President Concludes Historic Second Term
12/18/2008 - The Onion's 2008 In Review: The Environment
12/18/2008 - Earth, Prepare To Meet Thy DOOM!
12/18/2008 - Hurriphoonado Cuts Swath Of Destruction Across Eastern, Western Hemispheres
12/18/2008 - Emerging Technologies
12/18/2008 - Environmental Awareness
12/18/2008 - Thousands Of Astronauts Cling To Side Of India's First Moon Mission
12/17/2008 - Weather Channel Accused of Pro-Weather Bias
12/17/2008 - Typo In Proposition 8 Defines Marriage As Between 'One Man And One Wolfman'
12/17/2008 - Area Woman Becomes Republican Vice Presidential Candidate
12/17/2008 - The Onion's 2008 In Review: Politics
12/17/2008 - Political Goals For 2009
12/17/2008 - Barack Obama Defeats Barack Hussein Obama
12/17/2008 - Explore Your Year: Timeline 2008
12/17/2008 - Politics 2008 In Review
12/17/2008 - Outgoing First Lady Laura Bush Shows Michelle Obama Secret White House Bone Closet
12/16/2008 - Saying Goodbye: The Ones We Lost This Year
12/16/2008 - Housing Crisis Vindicates Guy Who Still Lives With Parents
12/16/2008 - How Did The Economy Go Bad?
12/16/2008 - WaMu Files For ChapLev
12/16/2008 - The Onion's 2008 In Review: The Economy
12/16/2008 - We're In An Economy-Sized Pickle!
12/16/2008 - $700 Billion Bailout Celebrated With Lavish $800 Billion Executive Party
12/16/2008 - China Recalls Everything
12/15/2008 - Aunts And Stepdads Line Up For This Year's Hottest Gift: The Electric Tea Kettle
12/15/2008 - Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff: 'Everyone Was Close To Dying Only 7 Times This Year'
12/15/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - December 15, 2008
12/15/2008 - A Commercial For Mortgages That Looks Like A News Report
12/15/2008 - Scientists Warn Large Earth Collider May Destroy Earth
12/15/2008 - China Hosts Realistic-Looking Olympics
12/15/2008 - As Of This Briefing, We Have Commenced Operation Global Penumbra
12/15/2008 - Roger Federer Turns Out To Be Awful Tennis Player
12/15/2008 - Astrological Predictions For 2009
12/15/2008 - Timeline 2008
12/15/2008 - Overconfident Big Brown Parties All Night Before Belmont Stakes
12/15/2008 - 2008 In Review: World Affairs
12/15/2008 - North Korea Releases New Paintings Of Healthy Kim Jong Il
12/15/2008 - Iran's Nuclear Operation Revealed To Be Cover For Greatest Roller Coaster Ever
12/15/2008 - Iraq's Little Victories
12/15/2008 - Armless, Legless Tiger Woods Wins U. S. Open
12/15/2008 - Brett Favre Just Chucks Reputation Up There
12/15/2008 - Most Overlooked Sports Stories Of 2008
12/15/2008 - Phillies Win World Series, Nation Thinks
12/15/2008 - "Uptown" Gene Upshaw
12/15/2008 - On Sports In 2008:
12/15/2008 - Eli Manning Wins Biggest Game Of Tom Brady's Life
12/15/2008 - New Faces In The News
12/15/2008 - CIA's Plot To Wait Out Fidel Castro's Regime Comes To Fruition
12/14/2008 - Bush Frustrated By Mother's Constant Questioning Of His Plans Post-White House
12/14/2008 - New Hubble Peephole Can See Into Women's Showers
12/13/2008 - Town Fails To Rally Around Adult Trapped In Well
12/13/2008 - Dating
12/13/2008 - Bettie Page Dead
12/13/2008 - Attempted Murderer Gave It His Best Shot
12/12/2008 - 145-Pound Mom
12/12/2008 - Cranberry Juice Industry Hoping 2009 A Big Year For Urinary Tract Infections
12/12/2008 - Manager Achieves Full Mastery Of Pointless Managerial Jargon
12/12/2008 - We Think This Guy Might Seriously Be The Real Santa Clause
12/12/2008 - Amsterdam To Shutter Some Coffee Shops, Brothels
12/12/2008 - Saudi Arabia Extends Equal Rights To Bearded Ladies
12/11/2008 - Mrs. Dr.
12/11/2008 - McCain Stares At Screen, Attempts To Write Family Christmas Letter
12/11/2008 - Lie To Cover Surprise Party Sounds More Fun Than Surprise Party
12/11/2008 - Jerry Jones Probably Thinking About Signing Michael Vick
12/11/2008 - Offense: Visual Evidence Suggests Linebackers Will Blitz
12/11/2008 - Saving The Lions
12/11/2008 - Area Child Can't Bring Self To Look Up To Eli Manning
12/11/2008 - Defense: Watch For The Screen, Watch For The Screen
12/11/2008 - On Justice And O. J. Simpson:
12/11/2008 - Overenthusiastic Referee On Game-Winning Field Goal: "It's Great!"
12/11/2008 - Illinois Governor Arrested
12/11/2008 - Report: Everyone Watching Football Game Evidently Needs New Car, Shower, Shave
12/11/2008 - The Bowl Championship Series
12/11/2008 - Loose Ball Evades Entire NBA
12/11/2008 - Visiting Priest Shows Family How Grace Is Done
12/10/2008 - Most Popular Christmas TV Specials
12/10/2008 - At This Point In The Plan, The Mice Will Be Very Surprised
12/10/2008 - College Too Expensive?
12/10/2008 - It's Okay, I'm Attractive
12/10/2008 - Either Someone 14th Caller Or Everything On Fire At Spanish Radio Station
12/10/2008 - Bush Picks Laser Background For Presidential Portrait
12/9/2008 - Supreme Court Overturns Bush v. Gore
12/9/2008 - Tribune Media Files For Bankruptcy
12/9/2008 - President To Face Down Monster Attack, Own Demons In Action-Packed Schedule
12/9/2008 - Nobody Touching Punch At CIA Christmas Party
12/9/2008 - Tennis Ball Brought On Trip
12/9/2008 - Your Horoscope
12/9/2008 - 'Bard' Captivates Potter Fans
12/9/2008 - Gingerbread Man Assassination Triggers All-Out Baking War
12/8/2008 - New Portable Sewing Machine Lets Sweatshop Employees Work On The Go
12/8/2008 - The Week In Review
12/8/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - December 8, 2008
12/8/2008 - Bush's Eyelid Accidentally Nailed To Wall
12/8/2008 - Staten Island Historians Piece Together Genealogy Of Wu-Tang Clan
12/8/2008 - Acorns Missing In Northeast
12/8/2008 - Local Man Buys Ford Focus Just To Use Dealer's Men's Room
12/7/2008 - Faith-Based TV-Repair Shop Severely Backed Up
12/6/2008 - Area Woman Wouldn't Mind Feeding Your Cats
12/6/2008 - White House Séance Fails To Contact Spirit Of Ronald Reagan
12/5/2008 - Your Fifth-Grade Dance Recital
12/5/2008 - Shitload Of Math Due Monday
12/5/2008 - Moving To New City To Solve All Of Area Man's Problems
12/5/2008 - Things For Your Sister That Look Like They Might Cost $75 But Are Actually Promotional Items For Opening Credit Cards
12/5/2008 - Trampled Wal-Mart Employee's Family Sues Company
12/5/2008 - Heroic Shark Eats Child-Molesting Surfer
12/4/2008 - Bill Clinton Agrees To Disclose Guacamole Recipe
12/4/2008 - The Show You'd Rather Watch Than 'Meet The Press'
12/4/2008 - Bush Dragged Behind Presidential Motorcade For 26 Blocks
12/4/2008 - Evander Holyfield Claims His Quest For Severe Brain Damage Keeps Him Fighting
12/4/2008 - Pope Puts On Rally Mitre
12/4/2008 - NFL Goes On Nationwide Crime Spree As Plaxico Burress Creates Diversion
12/4/2008 - Charlie Weis Called Before Christ To Discuss Future With Notre Dame
12/4/2008 - On The Okalhoma/Texas BCS Ranking Controversy
12/4/2008 - Seattle's Disastrous Sports Year Continues With Addition Of Major League Soccer Team
12/4/2008 - Capitol Visitor Center Finally Opens
12/4/2008 - Athletes And Guns
12/4/2008 - Kurt Warner
12/4/2008 - Jason Kidd Describes Feeling 'Unsafe In Own Arena' After Getting Basketball Stolen
12/4/2008 - Romeo Crennel Upset With Team's Offense And That Nestle Crunch Bars No Longer Come Wrapped In Foil
12/4/2008 - Grape-Flavored Vodka Makes Vodka-Time More Fun
12/3/2008 - Dip Good
12/3/2008 - Carbon Footprint Reduction Services
12/3/2008 - Why Were We Escorted From The Premises?
12/3/2008 - Twenty Minutes Spent Making Tuna Fish Palatable
12/3/2008 - Why Don't They Make A Second 'Godfather' Movie?
12/3/2008 - Long-Standing Conflict Ends As Israel Returns Lawn Mower To Palestine
12/3/2008 - Recession Actually Started Last Year
12/3/2008 - Department Of Justice Adds Mounted Prosecutors
12/2/2008 - U.S. Economy Continues Campaigning For Barack Obama
12/2/2008 - Beloved Showbiz Legend And National Treasure Michael Douglas Actually None Of These Things
12/2/2008 - T-Shirt Machine Gun To Change The Face Of Promotional Warfare
12/2/2008 - Your Horoscope
12/2/2008 - Cancer Rate Declines For First Time
12/2/2008 - Jesus Returns To Give Consumers Christmas Pep Talk
12/1/2008 - NASA Simulator Prepares Astronauts For Rigors Of An Interview With Larry King
12/1/2008 - I'm Really Gonna Miss Systematically Destroying This Place
12/1/2008 - The Week In Review
12/1/2008 - Department-Store Santa Told To Push Chinaware
12/1/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - December 1, 2008
12/1/2008 - American Airlines Now Charging Fees To Non-Passengers
12/1/2008 - Junk E-Mail Falls By Two-Thirds
12/1/2008 - Technical Preschool Teaches Welding To Kids