Sitemap: 2008 March | The Onion

3/31/2008 - 9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says

3/31/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - March 31, 2008

3/31/2008 - McDonald's Birthday Party To Be Happiest Time In Child's Life

3/31/2008 - McCain Highlights Foreign Policy Differences

3/31/2008 - Ted Danson Totally Nails Tonight Show Interview

3/31/2008 - Report: Nation's Gentrified Neighborhoods Threatened By Aristocratization

3/30/2008 - Move To Houseboat Regretted By Third Day

3/29/2008 - Guy Who Says 'Previously On Heroes' Wishes He Was Guy Who Says 'Previously On Lost'

3/28/2008 - Tropical Storm Brings Deadly Cloud Of Worthless Knickknacks Up East Coast

3/28/2008 - Top 10 Products to Battle Consumerism

3/28/2008 - 90210 Being Remade

3/28/2008 - Fearmongers, Warmongers Gather For Annual Mongering Conference

3/28/2008 - Dancer Risks Everything

3/27/2008 - Nation Trying To Remember What Team That One Guy Played For

3/27/2008 - Microwavable Steak Renews Area Man's Faith In Humanity

3/27/2008 - Marine Determined To Win Heart, Mind Of At Least One Iraqi

3/27/2008 - Mike Mussina Convinced He's Won A World Series

3/27/2008 - On Baseball's Opening Day

3/27/2008 - Tiger Woods

3/27/2008 - Barry Bonds' Job Prospects

3/27/2008 - Pat Riley's Sexual Bribes Tempt David Stern To Allow Heat Into Playoffs

3/27/2008 - Mathematics To Retire Favre's Number

3/27/2008 - Royals Told Not To Get Uniforms Dirty

3/27/2008 - Toronto Columnist Writes Annual 'Blue Jays Have A Chance' Article

3/27/2008 - 25% Of Teen Girls Infected With STD

3/27/2008 - David Ortiz Plays Games In Japan Wearing Camera, Fanny Pack

3/26/2008 - Today Now! Host Tracy Gill Recommends New Tracy Gill Biography

3/26/2008 - Gibson Sues Over Guitar Hero

3/26/2008 - Clinton's Schedule Released

3/26/2008 - Congress Calls For Removal Of Land Mines From Congress

3/26/2008 - I'm Starting This Foundation So Inner-City Youths Will Have The Pole-Vaulting Opportunities I Never Had

3/26/2008 - Time Traveler: Everyone In The Future Eats Dippin' Dots

3/26/2008 - Area 5-Year-Old Telling, Area 5-Year-Old Telling

3/26/2008 - These Tropical-Colored Braces Are Going To Get You So Much Ass

3/26/2008 - What is Recording Artist T-Pain Working On?

3/25/2008 - Your Horoscope

3/25/2008 - Federal Reserve Announces Emergency Release Of Butterflies

3/25/2008 - Meat Factory Explodes

3/25/2008 - Michelangelo's David Updated

3/25/2008 - Guy From Sopranos Drops By Local Pizza Parlor For Free Slice

3/24/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - March 24, 2008

3/24/2008 - Study: 93% Of People Talked About Once They Leave Room

3/24/2008 - Everything On Area Man's iPod Just There As A Joke

3/24/2008 - Is Europe Al-Qaeda Target?

3/23/2008 - Peeping Tom Sick And Tired Of Watching People Watch Television

3/22/2008 - Former American Gladiator Still Insists Friends Call Him Turbo

3/22/2008 - Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box

3/21/2008 - JPMorgan Chase Acquires Bear Stearns In Tedious-To-Read News Article

3/21/2008 - Faith Healer Calls In Faith Gastroenterologist

3/21/2008 - Lipstick Jungle

3/21/2008 - Clinton Wants New Primary

3/21/2008 - Roommate Won't Shut Up About His Best Sound Mixing Oscar

3/21/2008 - Naked Woman Picture Gains Popularity On Internet

3/20/2008 - Tyler Hansbrough

3/20/2008 - On March Madness:

3/20/2008 - Something Called 'The Colorado Crush' Wins

3/20/2008 - Red Sox Begin Long Sea Voyage To Japan For Opener

3/20/2008 - Carmelo Anthony Considers Himself The Nuggets' Dipping Sauce

3/20/2008 - Couple Unable To Conceive Of Child

3/20/2008 - Mysteriocrats Nominate Shadowy Figure For President

3/20/2008 - History Of The Bench-Clearing Brawl

3/20/2008 - Yankees To Build Stadiums In Every MLB City For Away Games

3/20/2008 - Bracketiatrist Mistaken For Bracketologist

3/20/2008 - Report: Cheap Chinese NBA Players Falling Apart After A Couple Seasons

3/20/2008 - Choking Game Deadly

3/20/2008 - NIT Still Has 10 Open Slots If Anyone Wants To Play

3/19/2008 - White House Press Secretary Spins Wife’s Tragic Death As A Positive

3/19/2008 - I Got A Rat Problem, And I Don't Mean The Band

3/19/2008 - Flaws In FBI Watchlist

3/19/2008 - Signs of Spring

3/19/2008 - McCain's Running Mate

3/19/2008 - Black Guy Asks Nation For Change

3/19/2008 - Report: 32% Of Prayers Deflected Off Passing Satellites

3/19/2008 - I Love My Country–Aw, Who Am I Kidding? My Country Can Go Fuck Itself

3/18/2008 - Your Horoscope

3/18/2008 - Burger King's Royal Taster Found Dead

3/18/2008 - President Bush Accidentally Signs Cast Into Law

3/18/2008 - China Cracking Down On Tibet

3/18/2008 - Dunkin' Donuts/Baskin Robbins/Pizza Hut/Taco Bell/Long John Silver's Opens

3/17/2008 - Army Holds Annual 'Bring Your Daughter To War' Day

3/17/2008 - Florida Democrats Mail It In

3/17/2008 - Organic Hunter Relies On Chronic Wasting Disease To Kill Deer

3/17/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - March 17, 2008

3/17/2008 - Area Man Can Tell Commercial Will Be For Corona

3/17/2008 - Wii Video Games Blamed For Rise In Effeminate Violence

3/16/2008 - New Wonder Drug Gets Users Higher Than Hell

3/15/2008 - Novelists Strike Fails To Affect Nation Whatsoever

3/15/2008 - Couple Upstairs Going At It Again

3/14/2008 - Some Old Man Still Churning Out Marmaduke

3/14/2008 - Imaginary Rock Band Causes Real Falling Out Among Friends

3/14/2008 - Are You Interested In Dating Guy Who Works At A Magazine?

3/14/2008 - New York Governor Resigns

3/14/2008 - Frito-Lay Family Of Products Leaned On During Difficult Time

3/13/2008 - Brett Favre

3/13/2008 - Packers Tell Fans They Gave Favre To A Nice Farm Family

3/13/2008 - Rare Miami Heat Basket Captured On Videotape

3/13/2008 - Carl Edwards Does Mournful 'Did Not Finish' Backflip

3/13/2008 - The Fed's Bank Bailout

3/13/2008 - Wooo, UNC And Duke Played Each Other Last Weekend, Oooh Oooh Oooh

3/13/2008 - Stuart Scott Tells Friends To 'Watch This' Before Trying To Get Into Charles Barkley's Party

3/13/2008 - Mark Prior Just Needs To Stop By Hospital For A Sec To Get Some T.J. Surgery

3/13/2008 - Favre's Greatest Moments

3/13/2008 - On Brett Favre's Place In History:

3/13/2008 - Area Man's Pleasing Aroma Will Be Missed

3/13/2008 - Houston Rockets Catch Tracy McGrady Masturbating To Tape Of His 41-Point Performance

3/12/2008 - U.S. Not Planning To Attack Iran, Says U.S. Iran War Czar

3/12/2008 - Snyder's Of Hanover Has Always Been In Pretzels For The Long Haul

3/12/2008 - Why Was Our Novel Rejected?

3/12/2008 - eBay CEO Resigns

3/12/2008 - Sedatives In New York Drinking Water

3/12/2008 - U.S. To Adopt Caste System

3/12/2008 - Ask A 1920s Baseball Fan

3/12/2008 - Actor Matthew McConaughey Agrees To Star In Whatever

3/12/2008 - DOT Creates New Lane For Reckless Drivers

3/11/2008 - Anonymous Philanthropist Donates 200 Human Kidneys To Hospital

3/11/2008 - Delicious Snacks Distract Congressmen From Horrors Of War

3/11/2008 - Your Horoscopes

3/11/2008 - 87 Killed In Violent Kerfuffle

3/11/2008 - Sunset Shot At

3/11/2008 - McCain Captures Wild Delegates Roaming Western Plains

3/11/2008 - Lawyer Sues Casinos Over Gambling Addiction

3/10/2008 - MPAA Backs Off College Students

3/10/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - March 10, 2008

3/10/2008 - Man In Suit Slams Fist On Desk

3/10/2008 - Heroin Addiction Picked Up Where Area Man Left Off

3/10/2008 - Shroud Of Turin Accidentally Washed With Red Shirt

3/9/2008 - The Week In Review

3/9/2008 - Christ Announces Hiring Of Associate Christ

3/8/2008 - 'Demography Today' Magazine Targets Demographer Demographic

3/8/2008 - Teacher's Sense Of Humor Comes Through In Multiple-Choice Tests

3/7/2008 - New Blog Gives Much Needed Look Into World Of Geoff

3/7/2008 - Relationship Tragically Enters Going-To-Bathroom-With-Door-Open Stage

3/7/2008 - Report: 6 Out Of 10 Americans Cannot Locate Payless Shoes On A Mall Map 

3/7/2008 - Adults Eschew Simple Immunizations

3/7/2008 - Brad Pitt: "I Could Rip This Shirt Off, Crumble It Up, And Toss It In The Corner"

3/6/2008 - Rasheed Wallace Has Greatest Dream Where He Uses Headband As Basketball Slingshot And Scores A Million Points

3/6/2008 - Steve Nash Sarcastically Asks Shaq To Slow Down

3/6/2008 - Beijing's Looming Olympic Crisis

3/6/2008 - The Chuck Taylor At 100

3/6/2008 - Rob Neyer Invents Statistic To Measure Own Disenchantment With Baseball

3/6/2008 - Pregnant Circus Geek Now Biting Heads Off Chicken For Two

3/6/2008 - Kevin Garnett Proves He Can Touch Rim

3/6/2008 - Chicago Cubs Sell Stadium Naming Rights To Chewing Gum Company

3/6/2008 - On Congress Insisting On Being Involved In Sports Investigations:

3/6/2008 - Dungeons & Dragons Creator Dies

3/6/2008 - Men And Women Of Armed Forces Thank Local Woman For Song Dedication

3/6/2008 - Tim Duncan Sends Belated 'Great Game' Card To Celtics For February Defeat

3/6/2008 - Athlete Praised For Being Competitive

3/5/2008 - Mukasey Visits Guantanamo

3/5/2008 - Act Now To Take Advantage Of My Lowered Standards

3/5/2008 - Report: 1998 Was Ten Fucking Years Ago

3/5/2008 - Sugar-Free Gum Linked To Diarrhea

3/5/2008 - Why Are We Cancelling Our Service?

3/5/2008 - Susan Sarandon Masturbated To For Old Time's Sake

3/5/2008 - Guy You Don't Want To See Will Meet You There

3/5/2008 - Oh, Shit! What Day Is It?

3/4/2008 - Whale Expert Measures Everything In Elephants

3/4/2008 - Your Horoscope

3/4/2008 - Samsonite Releases New Roller Wallet

3/4/2008 - Biofuels Worse For The Environment

3/4/2008 - Evacuation Plan Includes Foosball Table

3/3/2008 - FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It’s Alyson Hannigan

3/3/2008 - Ad Campaign Appeals To Young, Hip, Influenced-By-Ad-Campaigns Demographic

3/3/2008 - Nation's Presidential Assassins Still Undecided

3/3/2008 - Editorial Cartoon - March 3, 2008

3/3/2008 - Stock Market Unsure How To React To Boron Shortage

3/3/2008 - Highest Jailed Rate Ever

3/2/2008 - Stupid Thing Won't Work

3/1/2008 - Rock-Bottom Loser Entertaining Offers From Several Religions

3/1/2008 - Mexico Announces Plans To Refry Over 700 Million Beans