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2009 December
12/31/2009 - NASA, NASCAR Merge
12/31/2009 - On Football In 2009:
12/30/2009 - On Hockey In 2009:
12/29/2009 - Christ Returns To NBA
12/29/2009 - On Basketball In 2009:
12/28/2009 - On Baseball In 2009:
12/27/2009 - Santa Succumbs To Multiple Strains Of H1N1 Flu Virus
12/24/2009 - Broke Dad Makes Son A PlayStation 2 For Christmas
12/22/2009 - Kwanzaa Holiday Sales Figures Disappointing
12/22/2009 - TIMELINE: The Evolution Of Sports
12/21/2009 - The Onion's Holiday Magazine
12/21/2009 - Holiday Maze Time
12/20/2009 - Millions Die Domesticating Bloodthirsty Cow
12/18/2009 - EPA Puts Good, Single Men On Endangered Species List
12/18/2009 - Average American Consumes 34 Gigabytes Daily
12/17/2009 - Antipsychotics Can Make Kids Fat
12/16/2009 - Evolution Going Great, Reports Trilobite
12/16/2009 - African-Americans Go From Being No Good At Sports To Being Only Good At Sports
12/16/2009 - Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of 'Friendster' Civilization
12/16/2009 - Frito-Lay Scientists Discover Cheesium
12/16/2009 - A Long, Elaborate History Of Time
12/16/2009 - Early Humans Finally Drunk Enough To Invent Dancing
12/16/2009 - Henry Ford Modernizes Production
12/16/2009 - Woman Domesticated
12/16/2009 - Some Of Man's Most Important Inventions
12/16/2009 - Duane Takes Off Owing Roommates 1,300 Bucks
12/15/2009 - Obsessive Freak Abner Doubleday Forces Locals To Play Nonsensical Game
12/15/2009 - Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World
12/15/2009 - Dinosaurs Sadly Extinct Before Invention Of Bazooka
12/15/2009 - A Complete History Of Art
12/15/2009 - Pilgrims Depart For America To Escape Horrible Oppression Of Soccer
12/15/2009 - New 'War' Enables Mankind To Resolve Disagreements
12/15/2009 - Magna Carta Issued
12/15/2009 - Rat-Shit-Covered Physicians Baffled By Spread Of Black Plague
12/15/2009 - The Ones We Lost
12/14/2009 - Roman Populace Constantly Argues Whether Chariot-Racing Is Actually A Sport
12/14/2009 - Forgotten Sports
12/14/2009 - Discobolus
12/14/2009 - Smarmy, Under-Performing A-Rodicus Struggles To Win Over Coliseum Fans
12/14/2009 - On The Greatest Moment In Sports History
12/14/2009 - Neanderthal Man Flocking To Caves
12/14/2009 - Industrial Revolution Provides Millions Of Out-Of-Work Children With Jobs
12/14/2009 - Fire, Setting Everything In Sight On Fire Discovered
12/14/2009 - Deaths Of 550,000 Confirm Which Mushrooms Are Okay To Eat
12/14/2009 - Four Or Five Guys Pretty Much Carry Whole Renaissance
12/14/2009 - Either Ming Or Yuan Dynasty Seizes Control Of Mainland China
12/14/2009 - Great Monuments To Human Achievement
12/14/2009 - Sports Becomes Increasingly Boring As Death No Longer Punishment For Losing
12/14/2009 - Thomas Edison Invents Marketing Other People's Ideas
12/13/2009 - Conquerors You May Have Missed
12/13/2009 - Neptune Angered
12/12/2009 - Rod Stewart Mistaken For Elderly Aunt
12/12/2009 - Browns Caught Trying To Sneak Girl Into Huddle
12/12/2009 - Everyone In Dream Smells Smoke
12/11/2009 - Royals GM Didn't Know He Was Allowed To Make Moves During Offseason
12/11/2009 - Nick's All-Star Scrooge Deluge
12/11/2009 - Holiday Music Aficionado Urges Friends To Check Out 'Frosty The Snowman'
12/11/2009 - College Football Highlights 2009
12/11/2009 - Mark Ingram
12/11/2009 - On The Two Non-BCS Teams Meeting In A BCS Bowl Game:
12/11/2009 - Ohio Uses New Execution Method
12/11/2009 - Man With Rare Purple-Yellow Skin Condition Tired Of Being Mistaken For Vikings Fan
12/11/2009 - New Harlem Globetrotter Rudy 'Rude Dude' Williams Not Working Out
12/11/2009 - This Lamp: Is The Switch On The Cord Or By The Bulb?
12/10/2009 - Local Harlot Exposes Face, Neck
12/10/2009 - What Kind Of Sick Fuck Would Put A Hook In A Juicy Squid Where A Fish Could Easily Eat It?
12/10/2009 - Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series
12/10/2009 - New Bug Spray Forces Insects To See People As Human Beings With Feelings
12/10/2009 - Weezer Cancels Concerts
12/10/2009 - Alphabet Updated With 15 Exciting New Replacement Letters
12/9/2009 - Must-Have Gifts, 2009
12/9/2009 - Home For The High Holidays
12/9/2009 - NFL To Fine Players For Getting Concussions
12/9/2009 - Revisiting White House Security Protocols
12/9/2009 - Last Minute Of Man's Sexual Prime Expires During Routine Visit To Dry Cleaner
12/9/2009 - 'The Blind Side' An Unexpected Hit
12/8/2009 - Massive Oil Spill Results In Improved Wildlife Viscosity
12/8/2009 - U.S. Finally Gets Around To Prosecuting Mastermind Behind 9/11
12/8/2009 - Corporate Merger Renders Thousands Of Coffee Mugs Obsolete
12/8/2009 - Let Us Identify The Faggots And Then Inform Them Of Their Status
12/8/2009 - Ravens Coach Shows Movie About Michael Oher To Inspire Michael Oher
12/8/2009 - Uninformed Buffoon Barely Comprehends Conversation About Taylor Swift
12/8/2009 - New Cell Phone Device Processes Credit Cards
12/8/2009 - Your Horoscopes
12/8/2009 - Celebrations
12/7/2009 - DEA Recruits Lil Wayne To Use Up All Drugs In Mexico
12/7/2009 - A Cafferty File Christmas
12/7/2009 - Editorial Cartoon - December 7, 2009
12/7/2009 - Sports Illustrated Sportsman Of The Year Award Important, Sports Illustrated Reports
12/7/2009 - Biden Winks After Offering To Buy Eggnog For White House Christmas Party
12/7/2009 - George Stephanopoulos Offered 'Good Morning America' Job
12/7/2009 - New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths
12/6/2009 - President Obama Frustrated By Repairs To Dirt Bike One
12/6/2009 - I Didn't Know I Wasn't Pregnant
12/5/2009 - Christ Turns Down 3-Year, Multimillion Dollar Deal To Coach Notre Dame
12/5/2009 - Labor Dept: Available Labor Rate Increases To 10.2%
12/4/2009 - 36-10 Game Analyzed
12/4/2009 - Meredith Baxter Comes Out
12/4/2009 - Charlie Weis' Most Notable Notre Dame Moments
12/4/2009 - On The Nets' 0-18 Start:
12/4/2009 - Fired Charlie Weis Cleans Out His Desk
12/4/2009 - Vince Young
12/4/2009 - Investigators Still Piecing Together Weird-Ass Clues In Fucked-Up Tiger Woods Crash
12/4/2009 - Three Eminent Biologists And 'Growing Pains'' Kirk Cameron Weigh In On Evolution
12/3/2009 - Church Canceled Due To Lack Of God
12/3/2009 - Promise Me You'll Never Tell Anybody This Unless You Get Uncomfortable And Need Something To Talk About
12/3/2009 - Report: Most College Males Admit To Regularly Getting Stoked
12/3/2009 - Senator Chuck Grassley Hurting GOP's Chances With Women At Bars
12/3/2009 - New Device Desirable, Old Device Undesirable
12/3/2009 - Humans Biologically Disposed To Help
12/2/2009 - Karzai Vows To Crack Down On Self
12/2/2009 - Where Are We Going For Our Anniversary?
12/2/2009 - Cougarton
12/2/2009 - 'Sesame Street' Turns 40
12/2/2009 - Shared Memory Of Children's Television Show Leads To Sex
12/2/2009 - Chelsea Clinton Engaged
12/1/2009 - MIT Mad Scientists Say Corpse-Reanimation Still 10 Years Away
12/1/2009 - Obama Tells Nation He's Going Out For Cigarettes
12/1/2009 - Area Woman Morbidly Fit
12/1/2009 - My Friend, You Will Love This Narrow Moroccan Alley
12/1/2009 - Former Orlando Breakers Coach Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski Adjusts To New GM Duties
12/1/2009 - Physics Teacher's Car Accident Would've Made Perfect Example For Class
12/1/2009 - Swiss Vote Down New Minarets
12/1/2009 - Your Horoscopes
12/1/2009 - Comedians