Sitemap: 2010 July | The Onion

7/31/2010 - Several NBA Teams Interested In Shaq As A Person

7/31/2010 - No Reason You Can't Be Chiropractor Like Your Cousin Jeffrey

7/31/2010 - Hair's The Thing

7/30/2010 - Are Physical Events Truly Individuated On The Basis Of Spatio-Temporal Localization, Or Is This Merely A Convenient Ontological Mode Of Evading The Influence Of Causal Powers?

7/30/2010 - New Robot Capable Of Unhealthily Repressing Emotion

7/30/2010 - Congress Rolls Back Crack Sentencing

7/30/2010 - Jennie Finch Retires From Lists Of World's Hottest Female Athletes

7/30/2010 - Stephen Strasburg

7/30/2010 - Lance Armstrong's Tour De France Career

7/30/2010 - Lip-Reading BCS Computer Kills Officials Who Want To Shut It Down

7/30/2010 - Bengals Sign Terrell Owens To One-Year, $2 Million Ordeal

7/30/2010 - On Dez Bryant Refusing To Carry Roy Williams' Pads

7/29/2010 - Gatorade Pledges $200 Million In Thirst Aid To Underquenched Nations

7/29/2010 - If Only There Were Some Way I Could Watch Premium Movies In The Comfort Of My Own Home

7/29/2010 - Bar Patrons Dismayed By Sight Of Band Setting Up

7/29/2010 - Tennessee Candidate Asks If Islam Is Cult

7/29/2010 - Report: Unemployment High Because People Keep Blowing Their Job Interviews

7/29/2010 - Perfect Pump

7/28/2010 - Area Man Experimenting With Homosexuality For Past 8 Years

7/28/2010 - What Tricks Are We Teaching Our Dogs?

7/28/2010 - Chelsea Clinton Getting Married

7/28/2010 - James, Bosh, Wade Decide Nickname Will Be 'The Three-Headed Shitstorm'

7/28/2010 - Defecating Birds Stop Kings Of Leon

7/28/2010 - Man Has Mosquito On The Run

7/28/2010 - Newly Discovered Documents Shed Light On Nation's Creepy Founding Uncles

7/27/2010 - North Dakota Still Leads Nation In Parking Availability

7/27/2010 - The Week In Review

7/27/2010 - Your Horoscope - Week Of July 27, 2010

7/27/2010 - Canvas Shopping Bag Celebrates Third Year On Doorknob

7/27/2010 - My Dad Is A Army Guy vs. I Am A Army Guy

7/27/2010 - Lady Gaga Kidnaps Commissioner Gordon

7/27/2010 - Tiger Woods Sucks Now, Reports U.S. Department Of Guys At The Bar

7/27/2010 - Guatemalan Flight's Data-Recording Parrot Holds Clues To Crash

7/27/2010 - Second Monument Found On Stonehenge Site

7/27/2010 - Judge Judy

7/26/2010 - Raccoon Leaders Call For Loosening Of Garbage-Can Lids

7/26/2010 - Backpacker Planning To Shatter Europeans' Preconceptions Of Americans

7/26/2010 - Del Toro To Direct Disney's 'Haunted Mansion'

7/26/2010 - Trojan Introduces ‘No One’s Pleasure’ Condoms For Bitter, Resentful Couples

7/26/2010 - Padres Grounds Crew Dims Stadium's Lights For Romantic Night Game

7/24/2010 - Yogi Berra: 'Why Aren't The Yankees Mourning My Death?'

7/24/2010 - Philly Cheesesteak Either Perfect or Disgusting

7/24/2010 - 10 Summer Activities For Under A Trillion Dollars

7/24/2010 - 'Sliders Ended Two Seasons Too Early, If You Ask Me,' Says Sliders Creator To No One In Particular

7/23/2010 - M.I.T. Scientists Split The Smithereen

7/23/2010 - E-Books Surpass Hardcovers At Amazon

7/23/2010 - Highlights Of George Steinbrenner's Reign

7/23/2010 - Louis Oosthuizen

7/23/2010 - Conceited Prick Thinks Other Conceited Prick Not Conceited Enough

7/23/2010 - Families Of 9/11 Victims: Heat Losing 3 In A Row Would Be Much Worse Than World Trade Center Attacks

7/23/2010 - On The Continuing Feud Between Greg LeMond And Lance Armstrong

7/23/2010 - Massive Hit-And-Run Prematurely Ends Tour De France

7/23/2010 - I Hope To Get More Acting Work By Sharing My Opinions Here

7/22/2010 - We Will Never Be United As A Nation As Long As There Are Other People Besides Myself

7/22/2010 - Budget Cuts Force British Government To Shut Down Mysterious Seaside Village

7/22/2010 - Senate Approves Jobless Benefits Extension

7/22/2010 - Kid Ready To Start Playdating Again

7/22/2010 - Endangered, Majestic Lowland Gorilla Exploited For Comic Effect

7/21/2010 - What Is The Moral Of The Story?

7/21/2010 - Amusement Park Rides Under Scrutiny

7/21/2010 - Future Recruiting Violation Makes Commitment To Michigan

7/21/2010 - Area Man Going To Great Lengths To Conceal His Perfectly Normal Behavior

7/21/2010 - 'Jersey Shore' Cast On Strike

7/21/2010 - Local Family Homeless After Tornado Destroys White House

7/21/2010 - The Bachroulette

7/20/2010 - No One Able To Tell Clam Just Had Stroke

7/20/2010 - Honestly, This Might Not Be The Best Time To Get On Down To Rooney Honda

7/20/2010 - Raiders Excited About Prospect Of Signing Free Agent JaMarcus Russell

7/20/2010 - Jennifer Aniston Adopts 33-Year-Old Boyfriend From Africa

7/20/2010 - NBC Announces Fall Cancellation Lineup

7/20/2010 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 20, 2010

7/20/2010 - Chrysler Unveils Minivan For Men

7/20/2010 - Local Welder Develops Welders Block

7/19/2010 - Energetic Self-Starter Immediately Despised By Co-Workers

7/19/2010 - Dance Your Ass Off

7/19/2010 - South Africa Realizes All Its Things Were Stolen During World Cup

7/19/2010 - Obama's Fifth Gulf Coast Visit Really Helps A Lot

7/19/2010 - Argentina Approves Gay Marriage

7/19/2010 - God Hinting At Retirement

7/19/2010 - The Best Of God

7/17/2010 - ESPN Green-Lights 'The Decision' For 22 More Episodes

7/17/2010 - Arizona High Schools To Now Teach Spanish Entirely In English

7/17/2010 - Boulder, Colorado, Named Best Place To Raise Abducted Children

7/16/2010 - Must-Have Souvenirs

7/16/2010 - Unpublished Twain Autobiography Rails Against YouTube, BP, War In Afghanistan

7/16/2010 - Struggling High School Cuts Football—Nah, Just Kidding, Art It Is

7/16/2010 - Clinton Brought In On Economy

7/16/2010 - Athletes, Drugs And Guns: Our Annual Power Rankings

7/16/2010 - Highlights Of The 2010 World Cup

7/16/2010 - On Michael Vick's Continuing Troubles:

7/16/2010 - Despite Repeated Attempts To Tear It Down, Massive LeBron James Mural Keeps Reappearing

7/16/2010 - Sports Journalists Deplete Maudlin Reserves While Memorializing Bob Sheppard

7/16/2010 - Crazy Man Announces Plans To Stand In Doorway, Yell At Cars

7/16/2010 - ISS Mission Coverage

7/15/2010 - FCC Chairman Overturns Decision To Cancel 'Party Down'

7/15/2010 - Packing Tips

7/15/2010 - Mapping The Ozzy Genome

7/15/2010 - Fill Your Own Goddamn Emotional Void

7/15/2010 - 6-Year-Old Becomes First Child To Complete Solo Ride Around Block

7/15/2010 - Iranian Nuclear Scientist Claims CIA Abduction

7/15/2010 - Uncle Greg To Attempt Comeback At Family Barbecue

7/15/2010 - Kellogg's Pulls Controversial 'Choco-Bastard' From Store Shelves

7/14/2010 - Why Didn't We Get That Raise?

7/14/2010 - The Vanguard Of Security Technology

7/14/2010 - Woozy Steve Young Studying Game Film For Sunday's Contest Against Bills, Tearful Wife Reports

7/14/2010 - Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody

7/14/2010 - Guacamole, Salsa Faulted For Outbreaks

7/14/2010 - EPA Study: Rivers Shouldn't Smell Like Shit

7/14/2010 - Bold New Campaign Reminds America Beef Exists

7/14/2010 - Big Bang Theory

7/13/2010 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 13, 2010

7/13/2010 - George Steinbrenner Dead After Firing Underperforming Heart

7/13/2010 - Heroic Goldfish Given Viking Flushing

7/13/2010 - Ritalin Gummies Unveiled

7/13/2010 - Fuck, I Just Realized I'm Going To Be One Of The People Who Die In This Heat Wave

7/13/2010 - Umpire's Perfect Game Goes Completely Unnoticed

7/13/2010 - More Americans Concerned Illegal Immigrants Will Take Their Spot On Couch

7/13/2010 - Collecting Social Security At 70?

7/13/2010 - Nation Demands Tax Dollars Only Be Wasted On Stuff That's Awesome

7/13/2010 - Nostalgia

7/12/2010 - It's That Time

7/12/2010 - July 12, 2010

7/12/2010 - Bourbon Helps Carpet Salesman Forget About Carpeting For Awhile

7/12/2010 - CC Sabathia Involved In Bench-Clearing Nap

7/12/2010 - Rock Fans Outraged As Bob Dylan Goes Electronica

7/12/2010 - Vitamin B6 May Help Block Cancer

7/12/2010 - Repeal Of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Paves Way For Gay Sex Right On Battlefield, Opponents Fantasize

7/9/2010 - Truck Accident That Killed Rafters in Canyon Sparks Truck-Canyon-Rafter Reform Debate

7/9/2010 - Obese Engage In Unsafe Sex More

7/8/2010 - Men Suffer Postpartum Depression Too

7/8/2010 - Health Care

7/7/2010 - Who Are We Hiring For Our Weddings?

7/7/2010 - I Have Seen The Future

7/7/2010 - New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products

7/7/2010 - The High Cost Of Weddings

7/7/2010 - Marriage

7/6/2010 - Regular Coffee Drinkers No More Alert

7/5/2010 - Prescription Painkiller Abuse Up

7/2/2010 - Psychopaths Behave Like Stroke Victims

7/1/2010 - Restoration Of 'Star Spangled Banner' Uncovers Horrifying New Verses

7/1/2010 - Advertising On License Plates?