Sitemap
2011 April
4/30/2011 - Dodgers Playing Extra Hard In Hopes Of Bringing Mom And Dad Back Together
4/30/2011 - Police Officers Waving Everyone Over To Take A Look At What Happened To This Guy
4/30/2011 - Man Raised By Parents Struggling To Adjust To Human Society
4/29/2011 - On Ohio State's Continued Troubles
4/29/2011 - 30 Trees Under 300
4/29/2011 - Donald Trump Under Pressure To Prove He's Not A Pathetic Sack Of Human Scum
4/29/2011 - Security Escorting Draft Picks Offstage The Moment They Become Locked-Out NFL Players
4/29/2011 - ESPN Draft Butcher Breaks Down 2011 Draft's Top Running Back Into Roasts, Steaks
4/29/2011 - Obama Finishes Deal To Get Every American A Free Parrot
4/29/2011 - Small Town Girl Makes Good Porn
4/29/2011 - Budget Cuts Shutter Alien Search
4/29/2011 - 18,000 People Cheer Thing Going Through Thing
4/29/2011 - Saving The Dodgers
4/29/2011 - God Late For Local Wedding
4/28/2011 - Troubled Democrats To Undergo Party Counseling
4/28/2011 - Production Of 'Iceman Cometh' Canceled Due To Entire Cast Getting Called Back For Axe Body Spray Commercial
4/28/2011 - Couric Leaving CBS News
4/28/2011 - Silicon Valley Town Pinning Tourism Hopes On World's Largest Website
4/28/2011 - FBI: 6 Dead Not Really 'Mass Murder'
4/27/2011 - Al-Qaeda: Latest Missile Attack Bears Hallmarks Of U.S. Military
4/27/2011 - How Are We Staving Off Bankruptcy?
4/27/2011 - Trump Unable To Produce Certificate Proving He's Not A Festering Pile Of Shit
4/27/2011 - Covering The Royal Wedding
4/27/2011 - Jim Morrison Foundation Awards $50,000 Grant To Little Shit Who Thinks He's A Poet
4/27/2011 - Coffee At Highest Price Since ’70s
4/27/2011 - Obama's Deficit-Reduction Plan Includes Spending Cuts, Robbing Fort Knox, Tax Reform
4/27/2011 - Ryan Howard Asks Teammates If They Ever Noticed How Realistic Crowd Looks
4/27/2011 - Fort Knox Facts
4/27/2011 - Conjoined Twin Hogging Kidney
4/26/2011 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of April 26, 2011
4/26/2011 - Velociraptor From 'Jurassic Park' Dies
4/26/2011 - If I Could Have Any Superpower, It'd Definitely Be Invisibility
4/26/2011 - Study: Only 4 Scenic Routes Left In Country
4/26/2011 - Apple Branded Least Green Tech Company
4/26/2011 - Socially Awkward Player Afraid To Ask If He’s Invited To Walk-Off Celebration
4/26/2011 - Today Now! Interviews The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of "Fast Five"
4/26/2011 - Near-Death Experience Followed By Right-On-The-Money-Death Experience
4/26/2011 - Who I Saw In Vegas
4/26/2011 - Anything, Anything At All
4/26/2011 - Man v. Food
4/26/2011 - Classic Laser Shows
4/25/2011 - April 25, 2011
4/25/2011 - Area Man Hopes To Accidentally See Roommate's Girlfriend Naked
4/25/2011 - Nation's Attractive People Demand We Send Them All $200 Checks
4/25/2011 - Lasers Could Replace Spark Plugs
4/25/2011 - Passing Of Ohio Man Forces Nation To Confront Death For First Time
4/25/2011 - Peyton Manning To Spend Several Weeks With Newborn Twins Before Naming Starting Child
4/24/2011 - Chris Paul
4/24/2011 - Bed Monsters
4/23/2011 - Outside Not Looking Forward To People Wanting To Walk Around In It Again This Summer
4/23/2011 - 'Arby's Has Been Putting More Onion Bits On Their Buns,' Reports Man Sinking Into Heavy Depression
4/23/2011 - New 49ers GM Asks If Team Can Use Draft Picks For Something Other Than Football Players
4/23/2011 - People Who Produce American Culture Warning Nation Ahead Of Time That Rest Of 2011 Going To Be Pretty Rough
4/22/2011 - It's Aunt Lisa's Birthday Today
4/22/2011 - 268 Feral Cats Removed From U.N. Headquarters
4/22/2011 - On Geoffrey Mutai’s World-Record Boston Marathon
4/22/2011 - Millions of People Prince William Would Never Deign To Speak To Captivated By Royal Wedding
4/22/2011 - Frustrated Kevin Durant Realizes He Forgot To Write-Off Several Dunks On Taxes
4/22/2011 - Green Considered Feminine
4/22/2011 - On Geoffrey Mutai’s World-Record Boston Marathon
4/22/2011 - David Ortiz Terrified After Hearing About Red Sox Bats Coming Alive
4/22/2011 - Onion Sports 2011 Mock NFL Draft
4/22/2011 - Shaq Sits On Celtics Bench Enjoying Garbage Bag Filled With Popcorn
4/22/2011 - Pirate Written Up For Dress-Code Violation
4/22/2011 - Conga Line
4/21/2011 - 'It's A Privilege To Have Worked With Such Talented People,' Says Coworker Getting The Fuck Out Of There
4/21/2011 - Autistic Reporter: Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man
4/21/2011 - McDonald's Is Hiring
4/21/2011 - Mitt Romney Haunted By Past Of Trying To Help Uninsured Sick People
4/21/2011 - Nihilist Quilting Project A Depressing Success
4/20/2011 - Weather Map
4/20/2011 - Why Is Our Child Excused From Gym?
4/20/2011 - The Nixon Library's New Watergate Exhibit
4/20/2011 - BP Ready To Resume Oil Spilling
4/20/2011 - Match.com Screening For Sex Offenders
4/20/2011 - U.N. Evicted From Headquarters
4/20/2011 - Albert Pujols Embarrasses Cardinals By Returning To Dugout With First Base Stuck On Bottom Of Shoe
4/20/2011 - Area Neighbors Protest Tree House Acquisition of M-80 Technology
4/20/2011 - Don't Forget The Lyrics
4/19/2011 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of April 19, 2011
4/19/2011 - The House Of B Must Continue
4/19/2011 - Wal-Mart Greeter Knows Exactly How Many Blacks In Store
4/19/2011 - 'The Economist' To Halt Production For Month To Let Readers Catch Up
4/19/2011 - ‘Forever’ Stamp Features Wrong Lady Liberty
4/19/2011 - In The Know: Should The Nation's Unemployed Be Buying New Apple Computers?
4/19/2011 - U.N. Factoid-Finding Mission Discovers Liberia Roughly Size Of Tennessee
4/18/2011 - April 18, 2011
4/18/2011 - 35 And Pregnant
4/18/2011 - The Week In Pictures
4/18/2011 - IRS Can't Believe Area Man Didn't Get A Raise Last Year
4/18/2011 - YouTube Educates Offenders About Copyright
4/18/2011 - Ethicists Update List Of Acceptable Things To Masturbate To
4/18/2011 - NBA Honors Chris Paul For Heroically Saving Ball From Going Out Of Bounds
4/18/2011 - Elderly Man Wages Silent War Against Pharmacy
4/17/2011 - Guests Emerge Shell-Shocked From Rich People's Wedding
4/17/2011 - America's Next Top
4/16/2011 - Area Spoon Only Rinsed For Past 18 Months
4/16/2011 - Patrick Kane No Longer Able To Play With Blackhawks After Dad Gets New Job In Boise
4/16/2011 - Just When Couple Finally Stops Stressing About Having A Baby, They're Still Not Pregnant
4/16/2011 - Piece Of Art For Sale On Coffeehouse Wall Has Had It Up To Here With The Wiseass Remarks
4/15/2011 - Our Elderly Wildlife Issue
4/15/2011 - Sleeping Air Traffic Controllers Prompts FAA Action
4/15/2011 - The Onion Review: Congress Cuts Its Step-Son's Funding
4/15/2011 - Vacation-Bound Rush Limbaugh To Do Nothing But Golf And Respect Minorities For 2 Weeks
4/15/2011 - On The Bulls' First 60-Win Season In 13 Years
4/15/2011 - Last Pick Of WNBA Draft Earns Title Of Saddest Woman In America
4/15/2011 - Miami Heat Complete Worst Season In NBA History At 58-24
4/15/2011 - Kobe Mad
4/15/2011 - Derrick Rose
4/15/2011 - Notable Sports Collapses
4/15/2011 - Director Of FBI Wishes He Had Some Alien Thing To Cover Up
4/15/2011 - The East Wing
4/14/2011 - Justice Scalia Endorses New Easton Gaveling Gloves
4/14/2011 - Law Prohibits Nation's Shawnas From Using Tanning Beds
4/14/2011 - Weaves, Braids May Hasten Balding Process
4/14/2011 - Author Promoting Book Gives It Her All Whether It's Just 3 People Or A Crowd Of 9 People
4/14/2011 - Libyan Rebels Still Working Full-Time At Other Jobs
4/14/2011 - You To Receive 15 Pounds Of Venison Sausage From Uncle
4/13/2011 - Get Him To Notice You During Sex
4/13/2011 - Unforgettable-Sex Chocolate Chip Cookies
4/13/2011 - Keep An Accessory Wall Next To Your Bed
4/13/2011 - Make Sure To Flirt
4/13/2011 - Where Did We Go On Our First Date?
4/13/2011 - Obama Orders Guantánamo Prisoners Transferred To Next President
4/13/2011 - CEO Pay On The Rise Again
4/13/2011 - Replacing Meredith
4/13/2011 - Area Man Already Tired Of Adjusting His Fantasy Baseball Roster
4/13/2011 - Third-Party Candidate Forms Exploratory Committee To See Who Can Cover Shifts For Him In Coming Months
4/13/2011 - Ongoing Search
4/13/2011 - Aspen Police Continue Search For Missing Ski
4/13/2011 - Spy World-Famous
4/12/2011 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of April 12, 2011
4/12/2011 - Nation's Voyeurs Watch Women's March On Washington From Bushes
4/12/2011 - Well, Folks, It Appears Some Shithead Down There Is Shining A Laser Pointer Into The Cockpit And We're About To Crash
4/12/2011 - 50 Years Of Manned Space Flight
4/12/2011 - Jeff Suppan Approaches Omaha Residents With Offer To Do Small Pitching Jobs Around House
4/12/2011 - 'Ghost Hunters' Enjoys Surprising 100% Success Rate
4/12/2011 - How To Get A Guy To Notice You While You're Having Sex With Him
4/12/2011 - Activity Made Up To Sell Athletic Shoes
4/11/2011 - You Know, That Show
4/11/2011 - The Week In Pictures
4/11/2011 - April 11, 2011
4/11/2011 - Branson To Dive To Uncharted Depths
4/11/2011 - India's Top Physicists Develop Plan To Get The Hell Out Of India
4/11/2011 - Detroit Pistons JumboTron Not Even Trying Anymore
4/11/2011 - Writer Unwilling To Admit His Screenplay Perfect Fit For Justin Long
4/11/2011 - Congress Cuts Funding For 26-Year-Old Stepson
4/10/2011 - Oh, God, Area Man Making His Move
4/10/2011 - The Oprah Winfrey Show
4/9/2011 - Goldfish Dying To Be Petted Just Once
4/9/2011 - UConn Women Disgusted They Lost To Women's Basketball Team
4/9/2011 - Zip-Lining Day Trip To Somehow Save Marriage
4/8/2011 - Manny Ramirez: A Retrospective
4/8/2011 - 10 Tips To Really Increase Your Back Pain
4/8/2011 - Guy In Audience Shouts Out Perfect Thing
4/8/2011 - Beck: Trump Making Me 'Uncomfortable'
4/8/2011 - Qaddafi Asks Closest Advisers If They Think He's A Bad Person
4/8/2011 - On The Knicks Qualifying For The Playoffs
4/8/2011 - Thunderstorms Force PGA Organizers To Move Masters Indoors
4/8/2011 - Brad Stevens Fired After Losing Second Consecutive NCAA Finals
4/8/2011 - The Unique Challenges Of Augusta National
4/8/2011 - Mr. Met Shows Up For Home Opener 90 Pounds Lighter
4/8/2011 - Dennis Rodman
4/8/2011 - 134-Year-Old Man Attributes Longevity To Typographical Error
4/8/2011 - Castle
4/7/2011 - Supreme Court Ruling Gives Fans The Right To Act Like Total Assholes At Games
4/7/2011 - Longer Work Day May Increase Heart Attack Risk
4/7/2011 - The Onion Review: Obama Casts National Musical
4/7/2011 - Lazy Event Planner Throws 'Bags Of Ice'–Themed Party
4/7/2011 - FBI Director Sheepishly Admits Agency Hasn't Solved Single Crime In 10 Years
4/7/2011 - Video Game Character Wonders Why Heartless God Always Presses Continue
4/6/2011 - U.S. To Just Hand Terry Jones Over To Fundamentalist Muslims
4/6/2011 - Why Are We Moving?
4/6/2011 - General Electric's Aggressive Tax Strategy
4/6/2011 - Juror Brings Baseball Glove To Barry Bonds Perjury Trial
4/6/2011 - Teen Rebel Refusing To Purchase Yearbook
4/6/2011 - Governor Of 'Broke' State Hires Donor's Dropout Son
4/6/2011 - White House To Hold Second Auditions This Week For Nationwide Production Of 'Guys And Dolls'
4/6/2011 - Naïve Detective Suspects Fair Play
4/6/2011 - Too Many Geese
4/5/2011 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of April 5, 2011
4/5/2011 - Jukebox Pretending Oasis CD Too Scratched To Play
4/5/2011 - FDA: Food Dye/Hyperactivity Data Inconclusive
4/5/2011 - Goddamn It, The Neighbors Are Silently Going At It Again, I Imagine
4/5/2011 - Home Burglary Reveals Rays Players' Horrible Living Situation
4/5/2011 - GOP Completely Fixes Economy By Canceling Funding For NPR
4/5/2011 - Internet Outage Forces Public Into Street To Voice Their Inane Opinions
4/5/2011 - FBI: Muslims May Be Creating Nuclear Families
4/4/2011 - The Week In Pictures
4/4/2011 - Biden Calls Dibs On Qaddafi's Clothes
4/4/2011 - Trial By Judy
4/4/2011 - Neurologists Paint Grim Picture Of 'Madden' Football's Long-Term Effect On Players' Brains
4/4/2011 - Everything Bagel With Cream Cheese And Tomato: Did You Want That For Here Or To Go?
4/4/2011 - 85% Of U.S. Coleslaw Remains Uneaten
4/4/2011 - Kemba Walker Wants To Be The One To Throw Ball Up At Very End Of Game
4/4/2011 - GoDaddy CEO Posts Elephant Killing Video
4/4/2011 - What's Our Special Dish?
4/4/2011 - Cooking For Large Groups
4/4/2011 - Eating Locally
4/3/2011 - Area Dad Off To Bad Start With Waitress
4/3/2011 - Will They/Won't They
4/2/2011 - Elderly Man Spends Quiet Afternoon In National Park Feeding Trout To Eagles
4/2/2011 - Butler Bulldogs Inspire Thousands Of Tall, Goony-Looking Midwestern Dorks
4/2/2011 - Study: 38 Age It Too Late
4/2/2011 - Man Wakes Up From Bender With Financial Problems Solved
4/1/2011 - Cutting Oil Imports By One Third
4/1/2011 - 5-Year-Old Critics Agree: Movie ‘Cars’ Only Gets Better After 40th Viewing
4/1/2011 - On Sheryl Swoopes Returning To The WNBA At 40
4/1/2011 - Chicago Cubs Can't Believe They're Doing This Again
4/1/2011 - NCAA Schedules VCU For Final Four Play-In Game Just To Be Sure
4/1/2011 - Final Four: VCU vs. Butler
4/1/2011 - Biggest All-Time NCAA Tournament Upsets
4/1/2011 - Final Four: UConn vs. Kentucky
4/1/2011 - Dribbling Carmelo Anthony Demands Ball
4/1/2011 - Peeping Tom Tired Of Watching People Watch Television
4/1/2011 - America's Next Top RoboCop