Your Horoscopes - Week Of April 5, 2011

Jukebox Pretending Oasis CD Too Scratched To Play

FDA: Food Dye/Hyperactivity Data Inconclusive

Goddamn It, The Neighbors Are Silently Going At It Again, I Imagine

Home Burglary Reveals Rays Players' Horrible Living Situation

GOP Completely Fixes Economy By Canceling Funding For NPR

Internet Outage Forces Public Into Street To Voice Their Inane Opinions

FBI: Muslims May Be Creating Nuclear Families