10/31/2011 - Guys Working

10/31/2011 - Local Man Ruins Date By Just Being Himself

10/31/2011 - Halloween

10/31/2011 - Brooke Alvarez Names The One Person Who Could Compel Her To Go On 'Dancing With The Stars'

10/31/2011 - Gelato

10/31/2011 - Population Reaches 7 Billion

10/31/2011 - New Facebook Feature Allows User To Cancel Account

10/31/2011 - Cocky Miami Dolphins Already Booking Hotel Rooms For Week 12 Game At Dallas

10/31/2011 - Remains Of Ancient Race Of Job Creators Found In Rust Belt

10/30/2011 - FAA To Ban Plane Crashes

10/30/2011 - Sun Dreading Rising Today

10/29/2011 - Joe Buck Walks In On Troy Aikman Covering NFL Game With Another Man

10/29/2011 - LASIK Surgery Allows Baron To See Without Monocle

10/29/2011 - Man's Utter Failure In Life A Bit Of A Sore Spot

10/28/2011 - Department Of Treasury Releases New Monsters Of The Silver Screen 20 Dollar Bill

10/28/2011 - Treasury Department Releases New 'Monsters Of The Silver Screen' $20 Bill

10/28/2011 - Lions Fans Excited To Be Booing Again

10/28/2011 - Classic Looks For 40-Something Women Married For The Second Time And Trying To Get Pregnant

10/28/2011 - Wal-Mart Shutters New York Fashion Presence

10/28/2011 - Greatest World Series Moments

10/28/2011 - Ray Lewis Releases Primal Scream After Successfully Transferring Money To Checking Account

10/28/2011 - Matt Forte

10/28/2011 - On The Supposed Rise Of Dirty Play In The NFL

10/28/2011 - Popular New DirecTV Package Offers Zero NHL Games

10/28/2011 - No One Has Heart To Ask Human Beat Box To Stop

10/27/2011 - Record Year For Abortion Restrictions

10/27/2011 - Tim Tebow Becomes First Bad Quarterback To Lead 4th Quarter Comeback

10/27/2011 - Tsunami Debris Approaching U.S.

10/27/2011 - U.S. To Offer Tax Incentives To Companies That Do Not Openly Make World Worse At Every Turn

10/27/2011 - Nation Finally Breaks Down And Begs Its Smart People To Just Fix Everything

10/27/2011 - Affable Anti-Semite Thinks Jews Are Doing Super Job With The Media

10/26/2011 - Hackers Shut Down January Jones

10/26/2011 - Study Finds Every Style Of Parenting Produces Disturbed, Miserable Adults

10/26/2011 - John Madden Agrees To Work As Consultant For Raiders Concession Stand

10/26/2011 - MTV's Occupy Wall Street

10/26/2011 - FDA Approves Putting Picture Of Trish On Cigarette Packs

10/26/2011 - Cage Match Settles Nothing

10/25/2011 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of October 25, 2011

10/25/2011 - Another U.S. Downgrade Looming

10/25/2011 - Something Sliding Around In Coffin

10/25/2011 - Paul Simon Wondering How One Goes About Getting A Column On 'The Huffington Post'

10/25/2011 - This Sure Is A Spooky Time For The Economy

10/25/2011 - Eli Manning Announces Second Down Is His Favorite Down

10/25/2011 - Brooke Alvarez Assures Us Romantics That True Love Does Exist

10/25/2011 - French Teacher Forces Student To Inform Her Of Bathroom Fire In French

10/24/2011 - Rick Perry Speech Electrifies 1,200 Scared, Miserable Racists

10/24/2011 - The Week In Pictures

10/24/2011 - "Big Sister" Is Watching

10/24/2011 - Andy Reid Asks Sean Payton If He Is Going To Eat His Torn MCL

10/24/2011 - Town Seeks To Criminalize Walking And Biking

10/24/2011 - How To Protect Your Children On Halloween, A.K.A. The Pedophiles' Christmas

10/24/2011 - Newly Deployed Soldier Has Dreamed Of Fighting In Afghan War Since He Was Little Kid

10/24/2011 - Mitt Romney's Goal To Connect With One Voter By The Time This Is All Over

10/24/2011 - Genetically Modified Shrieking Broccoli Toned Down

10/23/2011 - Republican Presidential Debate

10/22/2011 - Mother's Little Angel Just Made Fun Of Classmate's Weight For 30 Straight Minutes

10/22/2011 - Fox Launches 'We're Not Any Happier About This Than You Are' Campaign Promoting World Series

10/22/2011 - Former 'Munsters' Star Butch Patrick To Write Autobiography On Word Processor Bought At Yard Sale

10/21/2011 - Something Sliding Around In Coffin

10/21/2011 - On Theo Epstein Becoming General Manager Of The Cubs

10/21/2011 - Pop Goes the Wiesel

10/21/2011 - Sad, Pathetic Minnesota Fans Will Take A Win In Any Sport

10/21/2011 - Making IndyCar Racing Safer

10/21/2011 - What Are We Asking Our Employees For?

10/21/2011 - Lions, Tigers Killed In Ohio

10/21/2011 - Mom Can't Wait For Halloween Episode Of 'The Big Bang Theory'

10/21/2011 - Bears Somehow Proud Of Selves For Beating Vikings

10/21/2011 - ESPN: 'Dan Wheldon Would Have Wanted Somebody To Quickly Cash In On A Documentary About His Life'

10/21/2011 - Nation Gathers Around Radio Set To Listen To Big Ball Game

10/21/2011 - Some Dork Brought In To Address Civics Class Today

10/20/2011 - Qaddafi Killed

10/20/2011 - Soccer Star Diagnosed With Chronic MLS

10/20/2011 - New Dr Pepper Drink Aimed At Men

10/20/2011 - Report: 40,000 People Died On Ferris Wheels This Summer

10/20/2011 - Occupy Toronto

10/20/2011 - New Decoy Website Launched To Lure Away All Moronic Internet Commenters

10/20/2011 - Midwesterners Descend On Insurance Company's Free Nail Files

10/19/2011 - The Week In Pictures

10/19/2011 - Antiques Sideshow

10/19/2011 - Rangers vs. Cardinals

10/19/2011 - Comatose John Clarkson Drops Out Of GOP Race Due To Sex Scandal

10/19/2011 - California Doctors Endorse Marijuana Legalization

10/19/2011 - Cam Newton Leaves Panthers To Start Own Football Team

10/19/2011 - Management Determined To Find Out Who In Company Leaked Information That CEO Is Asshole

10/19/2011 - Federal Government To Reduce Madoff's Sentence If He Can Infiltrate U.S. Economy In 48 Hours And Turn It Around

10/19/2011 - New Co-Op Airline Offers Cheaper Fares If You Help Fly The Plane

10/18/2011 - Republican Coma Candidate Dominates GOP Debate

10/18/2011 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of October 18, 2011

10/18/2011 - Hollywood Announces Plan To Remake Jimmy Stewart

10/18/2011 - Climate Change Causing Smaller Animals

10/18/2011 - Flying Squirrel Loves It Every Time

10/18/2011 - Man Unfortunately Sleeps Like Baby

10/18/2011 - Mom, I Want You To Meet The Girl Who Will One Day Make Me Put You In A Nursing Home

10/18/2011 - GOP Race Heats Up As Candidate In Coma More Appealing Than Rest of Field

10/18/2011 - Cleveland Browns Fan Beginning To Question His Future With Team

10/18/2011 - Nation's Dogs Dangerously Underpetted, Say Dogs

10/17/2011 - Dogtective

10/17/2011 - Man In Coma Enters GOP Race, Already Polling Ahead Of Romney

10/17/2011 - Steve Jobs

10/17/2011 - New Legislation Would Shut Down U.S. Education System, Give Each American Student $3,000 To Start Own Small Business

10/17/2011 - Cain's 9-9-9 Plan Would Cost Average Americans More

10/17/2011 - Citizens Of Winnipeg Realize They Hate Hockey Now

10/17/2011 - Leaf-Hunting Season Begins

10/17/2011 - Area Man Offered Cocaine By Man He Met At Urinal 90 Seconds Ago

10/16/2011 - Ryan Braun

10/16/2011 - Ryan Braun

10/16/2011 - Nation's Untalented Fast Wide Receivers Mourn Passing Of Only Employer

10/15/2011 - Report: All The Good Seashells Taken

10/14/2011 - Topeka Decriminalizes Domestic Violence

10/14/2011 - The Life And Times Of Al Davis

10/14/2011 - '85 Bears Visit To White House Marred By Former Players Tracking Dog Shit Everywhere

10/14/2011 - 'He's Dead' Nicest Thing Said About Al Davis

10/14/2011 - What Demographic Aren't We Hitting?

10/14/2011 - Hollywood Announces Plan To Remake Jimmy Stewart

10/14/2011 - Reader Comprehension Quiz - Week Of October 08, 2011

10/14/2011 - On Whether Hockey Can Replace The Locked-Out NBA

10/14/2011 - Handshake Comes In At Unusually High Angle, Velocity

10/14/2011 - Sight Of Matt Millen On TV Simply Too Much For Nation’s Unemployed To Handle

10/14/2011 - Goofy Guy Named Gary Enlivens Otherwise Intolerable Wedding Reception

10/13/2011 - The Demands Of Occupy Wall Street

10/13/2011 - Mario Williams Out For Season With Torn Tit

10/13/2011 - Christie Endorses Romney

10/13/2011 - Actor Sometimes Feels Silly Pretending To Be Someone Else

10/13/2011 - Day Job Officially Becomes Job

10/12/2011 - Nation Waiting For Protesters To Clearly Articulate Demands Before Ignoring Them

10/12/2011 - 'Joe The Plumber' Running For Congress

10/12/2011 - Obama Seeks Approval Of 'Occupy Wall Street' Protestors By Punching Banker In The Face

10/12/2011 - President's Approval Rating Soars After Punching Wall Street Banker in Face

10/12/2011 - End Of Last Meals For Death Row Inmates Could Decimate Texas Restaurant Industry

10/12/2011 - Lone Post On Jaguars Fan Message Board Requests Directions To Stadium

10/12/2011 - U.S. Back On Top As Gas Prices Drop Slightly

10/12/2011 - 6 Dead In West Point Panty Raid

10/11/2011 - Fans Of Victorious Nobel Laureates Riot In Stockholm

10/11/2011 - Saudi Women Receive Husbands' Explicit Permission To Celebrate Right To Vote

10/11/2011 - Texas Pastor Calls Mormonism Cult

10/11/2011 - Your Horoscopes - Week of October 11, 2011

10/11/2011 - Man Receives First Baboon-Face Transplant

10/11/2011 - The Ecstasy Of Defeat 

10/11/2011 - I'm Moving This Miserable Periodical To The Yukon

10/11/2011 - Nation's Brothers-In-Law Know Exactly What They Want For Christmas

10/11/2011 - Brooke Alvarez Has A Chance to Ask Herself A Question

10/11/2011 - Report: Sorry No Longer Cutting It

10/10/2011 - George Harrison

10/10/2011 - Nestlé Creates Ad For Dogs

10/10/2011 - That Guy From That One Show In Rehab

10/10/2011 - Jets Offensive Line Signs Up For Continuing Education Class On Pass Blocking

10/10/2011 - New Bipartisan Law Would Make Dog Neckerchiefs Mandatory

10/10/2011 - Apple Announces Plans To Release Steve Jobs 2 (Full coverage Tues 10/9c only on IFC)

10/9/2011 - Detroit Unveils New Half-Ton, 400 Horsepower Motown Singer

10/9/2011 - New Study Finds Link Between Cancer, Reading Text On Computer Screen

10/9/2011 - Area Man Somehow Endures Harrowing Entertainment-Free Commute

10/9/2011 - Everybody Shocked Body Found In Woods Not Justin

10/8/2011 - Bowling Birthday Party Enters 5th Agonizing Hour

10/8/2011 - Al Davis Dies Alone Surrounded By Closest Friends

10/8/2011 - Nation's Sports Fans Demand To Spend $21.99 On Something

10/7/2011 - ESPN Stops SportsCenter Episode To Recognize Stuart Scott’s 500,000th 'Boo Ya'

10/7/2011 - Shaken Secretary Of Transportation Reduces Speed Limit To 5 MPH After Witnessing Accident

10/7/2011 - Reader Comprehension Quiz - Week Of October 01, 2011

10/7/2011 - NBC Cancels 'Playboy Club'

10/7/2011 - The Great Sports Books

10/7/2011 - Brutal Reality Check Turns Three

10/7/2011 - Last Bastion Of U.S. Economy Succumbs To Pancreatic Cancer

10/7/2011 - On The Eagles' 1-3 Start

10/7/2011 - Vikings Sticking With McNabb Because They Hate Him

10/7/2011 - Some Lady Weeping In Dairy Aisle

10/6/2011 - Apple User Acting Like His Dad Just Died

10/6/2011 - Alex Smith TD Pass Challenged On Grounds It Was Thrown By Alex Smith

10/6/2011 - Andy Rooney Stepping Down

10/6/2011 - Last American Who Knew What The Fuck He Was Doing Dies

10/6/2011 - Steve Jobs Dead

10/6/2011 - Nervous American Voters Worried About Botching Another Election

10/6/2011 - Local Father Fails To Forcibly Refold Map

10/5/2011 - Man Born With Face You Just Want To Punch

10/5/2011 - Obama Not Sure How To Handle Compliment

10/5/2011 - Koch Brothers Made Illegal Sales To Iran

10/5/2011 - Umpire Asks Catcher To Move Up A Little

10/5/2011 - ‘Layoffs Are Necessary If We Want To Keep The Lights On,’ Says CEO Halfway Through Tasting Menu

10/5/2011 - New Anger-Powered Cars May Revolutionize The Way We Drive

10/4/2011 - New NPR Head Comes From 'Sesame Street'

10/4/2011 - Apple: New iPhone Good

10/4/2011 - Your Horoscopes - Week of October 04, 2011

10/4/2011 - No Matter How Much You Protect Your Kids, Sooner Or Later One Of Them's Going To Drown In A Swimming Pool

10/4/2011 - Sports Fan Digs Deep, Finds Something To Complain About

10/4/2011 - Pep Talk Laced With Personal Threats

10/3/2011 - New Low-Calorie Sheep Bred To Combat Wolf Obesity

10/3/2011 - No more kids 

10/3/2011 - Brooke Alvarez Tells You How to Look Good for the End of the World

10/3/2011 - Smart Phones

10/3/2011 - Boardwalk Con Men Hit Hard By Sharp Decrease In Chumps

10/3/2011 - Occupy Wall Street Growing

10/3/2011 - NHL Not Quite Sure Why It Has A Preseason

10/3/2011 - Civilization To Hold Off On Having Any More Kids For A While

10/2/2011 - Vengeance-Minded Glacier Just Biding Time Until Next Ice Age

10/2/2011 - Ryan Fitzpatrick

10/2/2011 - Man Strains To Find Personalities In Pet Fish

10/1/2011 - What Man Thinks Is Recycling Takes City Workers 2 Hours A Day To Sort

10/1/2011 - Longtime Coffee Shop Employee Thought Customers Would Care More About His Last Day