2/29/2012 - The Last 10 Minutes of House

2/29/2012 - iPad 3 May Cost 15% More

2/29/2012 - Romney Thanks State He Was Born And Raised In For Just Barely Giving Him Enough Votes To Beat Total Maniac

2/29/2012 - American Robot's Job Outsourced To Overseas Robot

2/28/2012 - Miriam Kutz And Rodger Juniper

2/28/2012 - FDA Allows Import Of Cancer Drugs

2/28/2012 - Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself

2/28/2012 - Loft Apartments Converted Back To Mayonnaise Factory

2/27/2012 - Crystal's Return To Oscars

2/27/2012 - The Week In Pictures

2/27/2012 - Cost of Living

2/27/2012 - Many Animals Harmed In Catering For New Film

2/26/2012 - Bob Peterson

2/26/2012 - GLAAD To Honor Any Mainstream Film That Gets One Thing Right About Being Gay

2/26/2012 - 5-Year-Old Wants To Be Overworked Haitian Nanny When He Grows Up

2/26/2012 - Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie Arrive On Oscar Red Carpet 12 Hours Early

2/25/2012 - Semester At Sea Students Steal Anchor For Dorm Room

2/25/2012 - Microbrewer Trying To Work Dog Into Name Of New Seasonal Beer

2/25/2012 - Exhausted Sweatshop Worker Just Has To Laugh After Sewing Fingers Together

2/24/2012 - Divine Design

2/24/2012 - Facebook To Permit Users To Change Privacy Settings Only If They Guess Word Contained In Locket Worn By Mark Zuckerberg

2/24/2012 - What Petition Are We Signing?

2/24/2012 - Police Report: Sexual Assault Numbers Under Control, Unless You Count The Super Brutal Ones

2/24/2012 - Startling Pigeons And 16 Other Uses For A Trombone 

2/24/2012 - Obama Proposes Lowering Corporate Tax Rate

2/24/2012 - Area Man Somehow Less Popular Than He Was In High School

2/23/2012 - Angela Cloud

2/23/2012 - Great Team Chemistry No Match For Great Team Biology

2/23/2012 - Apple Vows To End Unsafe Labor Practices

2/23/2012 - Handlers Constantly Reminding Gingrich To Stay On Uninspiring, Belittling Message

2/23/2012 - Scientists Create Lab-Grown Meat

2/23/2012 - Female Friends Spend Raucous Night Validating The Living Shit Out Of Each Other

2/23/2012 - Green Bay Taxi Driver Has Seen 'Whole Heck Of A Lot'

2/23/2012 - Test Your Religious Knowledge

2/22/2012 - Ace Of Lasagnas

2/22/2012 - Obama: No Option Off The Table Except Snatching Iran's Leaders With Hook Lowered From Plane And Flying Them To Washington

2/22/2012 - Leaf From "Tree Of Life" Frontrunner For Best Actor Oscar

2/22/2012 - Negative Advertising More Frequent In 2012 Primary

2/22/2012 - Nation Trying, Okay?

2/22/2012 - Crush Lasts Nearly Entire Bus Ride

2/21/2012 - Margerie Hempstead

2/21/2012 - MMA Fighter Unfortunately Discovers True Love For First Time On Morning Of Big Fight

2/21/2012 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of February 21, 2012

2/21/2012 - I’m Getting Bitten By The Oscar Bug…AGAIN!

2/21/2012 - Woman In Ninth Year Of Letting Boyfriend Down Easy

2/21/2012 - Fruit Flies Seek Out Alcohol

2/21/2012 - NewsBlitz: Senate Session Interrupted By Wailing Of Ted Kennedy's Ghost

2/21/2012 - Ducks Only Interested In Area Man's Bread

2/20/2012 - The Parents

2/20/2012 - Disturbed Beltway Sources Report Congress Eerily Cooperative Today

2/20/2012 - Royal Welcome

2/20/2012 - 'I Killed Myself' One Man's Lost Battle With Alcoholism

2/20/2012 - The Week In Pictures

2/20/2012 - Pennies, Nickels To Change?

2/20/2012 - Boy Loses Leg In Totally Awesome Shark Attack

2/20/2012 - Local Child Amuses Café Patrons—But For How Long?

2/19/2012 - Oh Fuck, What The Fuck Is That?

2/19/2012 - Suspicious-Looking Duffel Bag Spotted On Magic Bench Just Glen Davis

2/19/2012 - Smug New Mom Going To Start A Blog

2/19/2012 - Suave Releases New 20-Year Leave-In Conditioner

2/19/2012 - On Lance Armstrong’s Second-Place Triathlon Finish

2/18/2012 - NASCAR Driver's Parents Pay For Congratulatory Message On Side Of Son’s Car

2/18/2012 - Jeremy Lin

2/18/2012 - Tom Brady Cruelly Consolidates Power By Marrying Sister Off To Twisted But Influential Kevin Youkilis

2/18/2012 - U.S. Loses U.N. Membership After Embarrassing Video Of Nation Surfaces On Internet

2/18/2012 - Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital

2/17/2012 - Come Away With Me

2/17/2012 - New Sitcom To Feature Blocking Tight End Living With Pass-Catching Tight End

2/17/2012 - Terry Gilliam's Barbecue Plagued By Production Delays

2/17/2012 - Obama Urges Citizens To Hide Evidence Of Our Formerly Prosperous Lives From Nation's Young Children

2/17/2012 - What To Look For In NASCAR This Year

2/17/2012 - What's Our Waiter's Deal?

2/17/2012 - FCC Blocks GPS-Jamming Broadband

2/17/2012 - Melo's Groin

2/17/2012 - Knicks Doctors Continue Carefully Reinjuring Carmelo Anthony's Groin

2/17/2012 - Man Pretty Sure He Slept

2/16/2012 - Knicks Trade Jeremy Lin For Selfish Asshole Who Plays Knicks-Style Basketball

2/16/2012 - Chinese National Found Guilty Of Stealing Trade Secrets

2/16/2012 - Man And Woman Get Drunk, Blow $30,000 In One Night

2/16/2012 - Nation Watches In Envy As 15-Year-Old Jots Notes In Margin Of 'To Kill A Mockingbird'

2/16/2012 - Jamie Oliver Unearths Joy Division Master Tapes

2/16/2012 - Petition: We Want Heath Ledger In "The Dark Knight Rises"

2/16/2012 - Heath Ledger 

2/16/2012 - Moviegoers Not Interested In Hearing What Is, Isn't Possible, Demand Heath Ledger 'Dark Knight Rises' Appearance

2/16/2012 - Deadbeat Dads March On Las Vegas

2/15/2012 - Millionaires And Their Money

2/15/2012 - Charlize Theron Hired To Ride Struggling Cleveland Light Rail System Monday Through Friday

2/15/2012 - Supreme Court Justice Robbed At Knifepoint

2/15/2012 - What phrase following "4-Year-Old Girl Forced To" would you would be able to deal with today?

2/15/2012 - Nation Refuses To Read Headline Beyond Words '4-Year-Old Girl Forced To'

2/15/2012 - Smoker Inspired By Sight Of Elderly Smoker

2/14/2012 - GOP Voters: 'Can We See What It Looks Like With Huntsman And Perry Again?'

2/14/2012 - Roger Goodell Backs Off Expansion Talk After Being Reminded Of Jacksonville Jaguars

2/14/2012 - Joad Cressbeckler: Immigrants Who Survive Arizona Desert Deserve Citizenship

2/14/2012 - So, How Was Afghanistan?

2/14/2012 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of February 14, 2012

2/14/2012 - Saudi Journalist Arrested For Tweeting To Muhammad

2/14/2012 - Shiny, Wriggling Object Attracting Interest Among Fish Community

2/13/2012 - Man Recalls Simpler Time When He Only Masturbated To Still Images On Internet

2/13/2012 - Prime Time for Ticker Tape

2/13/2012 - New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct

2/13/2012 - Bus Bowl

2/13/2012 - The Week In Pictures

2/13/2012 - Anti-Doping Agency Has A Bunch Of Old Tour De France Titles Lying Around If Anybody Wants One

2/13/2012 - 'House' To End

2/13/2012 - Obama Begs Voters Not To Make His Daughters Switch Schools

2/13/2012 - Girlfriend Acting All Clingy After Getting Pregnant

2/12/2012 - Most Humiliating Experience Of Man's Life On DVD March 6

2/12/2012 - Man Who Encourages Child's Destructive Id Referred To As 'Good With Kids'

2/12/2012 - 16 and Present

2/12/2012 - Robert Pike And Tammy Roeder

2/12/2012 - On This Year's Super Bowl Commercials

2/12/2012 - Doctors Clear Peyton Manning To Let 300-Pound Men Slam Him Into The Ground As Hard As They Can

2/11/2012 - Palm Tree Fires Off Warning Coconut

2/11/2012 - Roger Goodell Asks Football Fans How Much They Are Willing To Pay To Make Pro Bowl Go Away

2/11/2012 - New Rumsfeld Scholarship Awarded To Student Who Demonstrates Potential To Ignore Geopolitical Consequences Of Armed Invasion

2/11/2012 - 48-Year-Old Man Actually Very Open To Dating 25-Year-Olds

2/10/2012 - Josh Hamilton Apologizes For Not Calling Sports Media Immediately After Relapse

2/10/2012 - The Post-Super-Bowl, Pre-March Madness, Post-NHL-All-Star Game, Pre-Spring Training, Mid-AT&T-Pebble-Beach-National-Pro-Am, Pre-Daytona 500 Issue

2/10/2012 - Eli Manning: 'My Mom And Dad Are Taking Me To Disney World!'

2/10/2012 - Championship Celebration Moments

2/10/2012 - Poll Finds Majority Of Americans Would Like Things To Go Right For Once

2/10/2012 - The Dr. Oz Show

2/10/2012 - Nonindigenous Larry Crosses State Lines

2/10/2012 - Why Are We Deleting Our Facebook Accounts?

2/10/2012 - Congress Clears U.S. Airspace For More Drones

2/10/2012 - Peyton Manning Congratulates Brother Eli: 'This Has Been The Worst Year Of My Life'

2/10/2012 - Local Man Miscast In Role As Father

2/9/2012 - Brandon Cisneros And Amy Phillips

2/9/2012 - Iran Worried U.S. Might Be Building 8,500th Nuclear Weapon

2/9/2012 - 'Soul Train' Creator Don Cornelius Dead

2/9/2012 - New Biography Reveals Einstein Devised Theory Of Relativity On Paper Because He Wasn't Smart Enough To Invent Microsoft Word

2/9/2012 - Arne Duncan

2/9/2012 - Spanking Doesn't Work

2/9/2012 - Alarming Study Finds More Than 12 Instances Of Racism Occurred Last Year

2/9/2012 - Junior Building Inspector Closes Down Area Tree House

2/8/2012 - Cryojennifer

2/8/2012 - Study Reveals Majority Of Suicides Occur While Trying To Put Fitted Sheet On Bed

2/8/2012 - Meet The Man Inside The Nicolas Cage Costume

2/8/2012 - Aged Americans

2/8/2012 - Smoking Speeds Mental Decline

2/8/2012 - New Photos Reveal Stress Of Obama's First Term In Office Has Rapidly Aged Americans

2/8/2012 - Camera Crew Discreetly Trails Overweight Woman For Obesity Segment

2/7/2012 - Matt And Shandra Fink

2/7/2012 - Report: Watching Episode of 'Downton Abbey' Counts As Reading Book

2/7/2012 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of February 7, 2012

2/7/2012 - Increase In NHL Ankle Injuries Linked To Super-Slick Synthetic Astro-Ice

2/7/2012 - Kid Court

2/7/2012 - Choosing Your Candidate

2/7/2012 - Migrating Whooping Cranes Stall In Alabama

2/7/2012 - In The Know Panel Analyzes Obama's Furious, Profanity-Filled Rant At Nation

2/7/2012 - Man In International Airport Only Speaks Business

2/6/2012 - Health Department Still Not Able To Really Prove Why People Shouldn't Be Eating Candles

2/6/2012 - NASA

2/6/2012 - Intelligent, Condescending Life Discovered In Distant Galaxy

2/6/2012 - Landon Donovan Inks $2-Per-Goal Deal With Grandparents

2/6/2012 - Eli Manning Asks Dad If He Can Stop Playing Football Now

2/6/2012 - Talking Trash

2/6/2012 - Florida Millionaire Adopts 42-Year-Old Girlfriend

2/6/2012 - GOP Introduces New "Mystery Candidate" With Paper Bag Over Head

2/6/2012 - Area Woman Recalls Days When She Resented Being Hit On

2/5/2012 - Area Dad Figures He's Got At Least Three More Months Of Screwing Around Before Son Gains Ability To Form Long-Term Memories 

2/5/2012 - Nation Horrified By Carolina Panthers' Disturbingly Graphic Logo Redesign

2/5/2012 - On Mike Tyson Being Inducted Into WWE Hall Of Fame

2/4/2012 - Meet The Press

2/4/2012 - Suitcase Spends All Year Looking Forward To Carousel Ride

2/4/2012 - Congressman Hurt To Discover Lobbyist Not Really His Friend

2/4/2012 - Jacksonville Jags To Go Without A Head Coach For 2012

2/3/2012 - Downton Abbey

2/3/2012 - Greg Schiano Leaves Spotlight Of Rutgers Football For Low-Profile Buccaneers Job

2/3/2012 - Poll Reveals GOP Nomination Now Two-Way Race Between Mitt Romney, Total Voter Apathy

2/3/2012 - Tommy Lee Jones Tells Us Why He's Kept A Little Boy's Name For So Long

2/3/2012 - Area Man Finally Sees Enough Images Of Bare Breasts For Entire Lifetime

2/3/2012 - Ron Paul Blames Florida Loss On Expensive Advertising Costs Of Poster Board, Markers

2/3/2012 - Peyton Manning Goes On 3-Day Football-Playing Binge After Being Dumped By Colts

2/3/2012 - Should Sugar Be Regulated?

2/3/2012 - Rangers Mistakenly Attempt To Woo Roy Oswalt By Touting Dallas' Gay Nightlife Scene

2/3/2012 - Traveler Amazed By Sheer Number Of Mexicans

2/2/2012 - 1,000 'Bleacher Report' Writers Descend On Super Bowl Media Day

2/2/2012 - SEAL Team Six: Behind The Scenes

2/2/2012 - New Study Finds Humans May Have Some Capacity For Compassion

2/2/2012 - An unopened one-gallon jar of Hellmann's mayonnaise quietly expired last week.

2/2/2012 - Burmese Pythons Exterminating Everglades Mammals

2/2/2012 - 'Huffington Post' Employee Sucked Into Aggregation Turbine

2/2/2012 - Internet Collapses Under Sheer Weight Of Baby Pictures

2/1/2012 - Shafts

2/1/2012 - Super Bowl XLVI Preview Guide

2/1/2012 - Obama Criticized For Living In Lavish Mansion While Most Americans Struggle To Make Ends Meet

2/1/2012 - Newt Gingrich

2/1/2012 - Gingrich Privately Regretting Not Doing 'More Jew Stuff' On Florida Campaign Trail

2/1/2012 - Facebook To Launch IPO

2/1/2012 - Romney Celebrates Florida Win With All-Night Miami Beach Rave

2/1/2012 - Bloodthirsty Undead Ghoul Advocates Chocolate Cereal Consumption