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2012 July
7/31/2012 - Curly Fry Inventor Strikes Out With Curly Veal
7/31/2012 - Indian Sweatshop Worker Has To Work In The Fucking Dark Now Too
7/31/2012 - NBC On Olympics Coverage: 'Sorry We Didn't Alter The Laws Of Space And Time To Accommodate People's Schedules'
7/31/2012 - World Leader Wondering Why He Just Met With The Former Governor Of Massachusetts
7/31/2012 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 31, 2012
7/31/2012 - Seal Flu Could Infect Humans
7/31/2012 - Penn State Students Trying To Understand Why They're There Now
7/31/2012 - Construction Workers Realize They Put Erie Canal In Wrong Place
7/31/2012 - U.S. Men's Gymnastics Team Thinks It Has Let Entire Nation Down
7/31/2012 - I'm Truly Sorry For This, But You're About To Hear All About The Last Marathon I Ran
7/31/2012 - Iran Urges Population To Have More Babies
7/31/2012 - Pictures Of Smiling Group Of People Taken Where John Lennon Was Murdered
7/31/2012 - Pressure Of Sustaining Most Of The World Taking Its Toll On Rice
7/30/2012 - James Garfield: America's Forgotten Lizard-Man President
7/30/2012 - Fans Of Watching Teenage Girls Cry Excited For Olympic Gymnastics Finals
7/30/2012 - 370 Million Without Power In India
7/30/2012 - Wendy's Wants Consumers To Know It's Fine With Gays, Disapproves Of Interracial Marriage
7/30/2012 - Son, 'Sports Illustrated' Swimsuit Issue Consummate Relationship
7/30/2012 - The Week In Pictures
7/30/2012 - Storms Could Deplete Ozone Layer Above U.S.
7/30/2012 - Dying Lion Sure Doesn't Feel As Though He's Completing Some Great Cosmic Circle
7/30/2012 - CEO Needs $30 Million Aspen Home To Recharge Batteries
7/29/2012 - The Hell You Are Wearing That
7/29/2012 - David Koch
7/29/2012 - Texas A&M Fans Celebrate 1999 Alamo Bowl Victory Over Penn State
7/29/2012 - After A String Of Accidents, U-Haul Announces Closure Of Aircraft Division
7/28/2012 - Disastrous Ad Campaign Appeals To Basic Human Intelligence
7/28/2012 - Andy Reid Grumbles Something About Rebuilding Mode As Sandwich Falls Apart In Hands
7/28/2012 - Ashley Hamilton
7/28/2012 - London Olympic Workers Use Crane To Lower Bob Costas In Front Of Crackling Fireplace
7/28/2012 - Highlights From 2012 Olympic Opening Ceremony
7/28/2012 - Wedding DJ Finally Gets The Chance To Listen To Some Black Eyed Peas On His Own Time
7/28/2012 - Onion Sports' Guide To London's Olympic Park
7/28/2012 - On Derrick Rose's Long Road To Recovery
7/27/2012 - Fucking Oasis To Probably Be Worked Into Olympics Opening Ceremony
7/27/2012 - Aldo Montano
7/27/2012 - Lauren Jackson
7/27/2012 - Qiu Bo
7/27/2012 - Sarah Attar
7/27/2012 - James Magnussen
7/27/2012 - Yelena Isinbayeva
7/27/2012 - Kenenisa Bekele
7/27/2012 - Sir Chris Hoy
7/27/2012 - Oscar Pistorius
7/27/2012 - Usain Bolt
7/27/2012 - International Olympians To Watch In 2012
7/27/2012 - Disney World Visitors Contract Mystery Illness
7/27/2012 - London Opening Ceremonies End With Traditional Lighting Of Olympic Stadium
7/27/2012 - Queen Elizabeth To Think Mainly About Her Approaching Death Throughout Olympics Ceremony
7/27/2012 - Nation's Moms On Olympic Opening Ceremony: 'Buckle The Fuck Up, It's Going To Be A Wild-Ass Ride'
7/27/2012 - Pawn Stars
7/27/2012 - Miami Dolphins Wish 'Hard Knocks' Crew Would Stop Openly Talking About How Bad They Are
7/27/2012 - Harness The Power Of Rubbing Your Temples
7/27/2012 - Trivial Pursuit Game Reveals Man Lacks Knowledge Of Basic Social Skills
7/27/2012 - Justin Upton
7/27/2012 - Computer Virus May Be Blasting AC/DC In Iran
7/27/2012 - Michael Phelps Using Rosetta Stone To Brush Up On His English
7/27/2012 - Attempted Murderer Gave It His Best Shot
7/27/2012 - Fucking Oasis To Probably Be Worked Into Olympics Opening Ceremony
7/26/2012 - Terry Molin
7/26/2012 - Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities
7/26/2012 - Connecticut Governor Pardons Lobster
7/26/2012 - New Apple Campaign Urges Consumers To Buy iPhone For Other Hand
7/26/2012 - Anaheim Police Chief John Welter: 'Look, Our Job Is To Shoot People'
7/26/2012 - Holley Mangold
7/26/2012 - Ryan Lochte
7/26/2012 - Jordyn Wieber
7/26/2012 - Lolo Jones
7/26/2012 - Kim Rhode
7/26/2012 - Missy Franklin
7/26/2012 - Tyson Gay
7/26/2012 - Maya Moore
7/26/2012 - LeBron James
7/26/2012 - Michael Phelps
7/26/2012 - US Olympians To Watch In 2012
7/26/2012 - Kim Jong-Un Volunteers For First Shift Of Wife's Suicide Watch
7/26/2012 - God Tells IOC President To Build Ark, Gather 2 Olympians From Each Sport
7/26/2012 - What Is Our 5-Year Goal?
7/26/2012 - Speculation About Romney's Taxes
7/26/2012 - Catholic Leader Jailed For Covering Up Abuse
7/26/2012 - Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities
7/26/2012 - Doctor-Patient Relationship Getting Serious
7/25/2012 - Fred Willard A Huge Hit At Counseling Session
7/25/2012 - Drought Bad
7/25/2012 - Gun Sales Surge After Shooting
7/25/2012 - Sandusky Meets Another Inmate With Nickname Tickle Monster
7/25/2012 - Report: 2012 Election Likely To Be Decided By 4 Or 5 Key Swing Corporations
7/25/2012 - Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, And Daniel Day-Lewis Come Out As Gay
7/25/2012 - Syria: Chemical Weapons Won't Be Used On Civilians
7/25/2012 - Mitt Romney Soars In Polls After Leaving Country
7/25/2012 - Party Guy Finds Party Wife
7/24/2012 - Man Who Just Purchased 3,000 Rounds Of Ammunition Online Perfectly Sane, Thinks Man Processing Order
7/24/2012 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 23, 2012
7/24/2012 - Sally Ride Dies
7/24/2012 - FDA Approves Of What New Drug Is Going For
7/24/2012 - Uncle Ben's To Compete Against Apple With Brand-New Smartphone
7/24/2012 - Holy Shit, I Just Realized People Want To Kill My Dad
7/24/2012 - Reporters Struggling To Maintain Energy Until Election
7/24/2012 - George W. Bush Not Attending RNC
7/24/2012 - Chick-Fil-A Debuts New Homophobic Sandwich
7/24/2012 - New Senate Bill Tests Through The Roof
7/24/2012 - Michelle Obama Powers Through Another Day Of Doing Half-Assed Jumping Jacks In Middle School Gym
7/24/2012 - Martin Luther King Bust First Thing To Go, Romney Adviser Quietly Thinking
7/23/2012 - Para-Pa-Legal
7/23/2012 - Blood-Drenched, Berserk CEO Demands More Web Videos
7/23/2012 - 'High' Ideals
7/23/2012 - Behind The Pen: 'High' Ideals
7/23/2012 - International AIDS Conference Attendees Receive Complimentary Gift Bag Full Of Awesome AIDS Gear
7/23/2012 - 21 Burned At Tony Robbins Event
7/23/2012 - Terrible Fucking Taste Sweeps Teen Choice Awards
7/23/2012 - Talking Head In Walter Payton Documentary Clearly Doesn't Know Payton Is Dead
7/23/2012 - The Week In Pictures
7/23/2012 - Photo Essay: A Descent Into Madness
7/23/2012 - Blood-Drenched, Berserk CEO Demands More Web Videos
7/23/2012 - Iron Dumped In Ocean Might Slow Global Warming
7/23/2012 - Romney Requiring Potential Running Mates To Write 5,000 Word Essay On Favorite Things About Money
7/23/2012 - Multi-Vitamin Snubs Magnesium
7/22/2012 - The Pretending Hour
7/22/2012 - Brother-In-Law's Latest Money-Making Scheme Involves Starting PGA Championship Golf Course
7/22/2012 - Paterno Statue Affixed With Bronze Word Balloon
7/21/2012 - The Best Of 'Saturday Night Live' Goodbyes
7/21/2012 - Fan Prefers Tarantino's Early Work When He Was Shelving Movies All Day At Video Store
7/21/2012 - Details Of Paterno Family's Internal Report
7/21/2012 - Man Who Cut Off Seymour Hersh In Traffic Subject Of 20-Page 'New Yorker' Exposé
7/21/2012 - Exhausted Cyclists Ask For Some Drugs So They Can Finish Tour De France
7/21/2012 - On Dez Bryant Attacking His Mom
7/20/2012 - Big Money!
7/20/2012 - Microsoft Announces First-Ever Quarterly Loss
7/20/2012 - Some Fucking Guy At Warner Bros. Wondering What Shooting Of 12 Means For Ticket Sales
7/20/2012 - NRA: 'Please Try To Remember All The Wonderful Things Guns Do For Us Every Day'
7/20/2012 - Sadly, Nation Knows Exactly How Colorado Shooting's Aftermath Will Play Out
7/20/2012 - Martin Luther King Bust First Thing To Go, Romney Advisor Quietly Thinking
7/20/2012 - 15 New Chants To Really Get Your Team Going
7/20/2012 - Matt Forte Suffers Career-Ending Contract With Chicago Bears
7/20/2012 - Area Dad Points Out Place That Has Great Reuben Sandwiches
7/20/2012 - What Tumblr Blogs Are We Starting?
7/20/2012 - Nelson Mandela Turns 94
7/20/2012 - Additional Findings Show Every Penn State Student, Alumnus Also Knew About Ongoing Child Molestation
7/19/2012 - Nelson Mandela Celebrates 94th Birthday In Prison After Violating Parole
7/19/2012 - Chris Christie To Deliver RNC Keynote Speech
7/19/2012 - Penn State Offers Victims The Chance To Vandalize Joe Paterno's Statue
7/19/2012 - Christian Bale Glad To Be Done With Most Humiliating Experience Of Professional Life
7/19/2012 - European Debt Crisis Solutions
7/19/2012 - Sean Hannity Unable To Stop Smiling While Talking About Shooting Death Of Black Teen
7/19/2012 - Romney Tailors Nursing Home Visit To Those Who Will Still Be Alive On Election Day
7/19/2012 - Boy Scouts Reaffirm Policy Banning Gays
7/19/2012 - Kevin Youkilis Takes Out Full-Page Ad In 'Juggs' To Thank All The Trim In Boston
7/19/2012 - 'You Will Die Someday And It Will Be Sad,' All Man Thinking During Dinner With Parents
7/19/2012 - Cleric Issues Self-Serving Fatwa
7/18/2012 - Coachella To Be Held On Cruise Ship
7/18/2012 - Reagan Accepts Republican Nomination, Vows Andre The Giant Will Be Body Slammed If Elected
7/18/2012 - More People Turning To YouTube For News
7/18/2012 - God Admits Humans Not Most Impressive Creation
7/18/2012 - Despite Lack Of Natural Disaster, Thousands Flee Des Moines, Iowa
7/17/2012 - Jeremy Lin's Departure Teaches Knicks Fans Important Lesson About Getting Excited By The Knicks
7/17/2012 - London Olympics Doesn't Have Enough Security Guards
7/17/2012 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 17, 2012
7/17/2012 - Scientists Say U.S. May Have Discovered Previously Unknown Level Of Not Caring About Syria
7/17/2012 - HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About'
7/17/2012 - My Year Volunteering As A Teacher Helped Educate A New Generation Of Underprivileged Kids vs. Can We Please, Just Once, Have A Real Teacher
7/17/2012 - Australia May Drop Great White’s Protected Status
7/17/2012 - New Study Finds Americans Need 6 Hours Of Sleep At Work
7/17/2012 - 97th Birthday Celebrated With Nurses Who Just Happened To Be On Duty
7/16/2012 - 'Captain Actual America' Overweight, Hopelessly In Debt
7/16/2012 - So You Think You Can Win A Presidential Medal Of Freedom?
7/16/2012 - Joe Paterno's Name To Remain On Joe Paterno Center For Covering Up Sexual Abuse
7/16/2012 - London Authorities Shut Off Springsteen, McCartney Mics
7/16/2012 - Romney Comes Clean, Admits He Made $32 Trillion In 2006
7/16/2012 - Teens Hold Clothing Drive For Classmate Who Dresses Really Ugly
7/16/2012 - World's Greatest Athlete Forced Back Into Diamond Mine At Gunpoint
7/16/2012 - Commanding General In Afghanistan Has No Idea How War Is Going, Just Trying To Ignore It At This Point
7/16/2012 - Steven Tyler Leaving 'American Idol'
7/16/2012 - The Week In Pictures
7/16/2012 - Animal-Control Officer In Way Over His Head
7/15/2012 - Area Man Has Always Had Soft Spot For Puck
7/15/2012 - On Steve Nash Joining The Lakers
7/14/2012 - Tim Duncan Scrubs In To Perform Teammate's Arthroscopic Knee Surgery
7/14/2012 - Andrew McCutchen
7/14/2012 - 'Jesus, What Is It Now?' Says Man Putting Down Swamp Thing Comic To Answer Phone Call From Wife
7/14/2012 - Rolling Stones Turn 50
7/13/2012 - Captain Actual America Overweight, Hopelessly In Debt
7/13/2012 - Katie Holmes Glad She Can Finally Practice Scientology In Peace
7/13/2012 - Great Moments In Electric Football History
7/13/2012 - New Comic Features Aquaman As 45-Year-Old Single Father To Troubled Flounder
7/13/2012 - Roger Federer Thinking About Building Trophy Shelf
7/13/2012 - Creepy Fan In Bleachers Watching You More Than Game
7/13/2012 - Our Interviewer Braces As Ed Brubaker Starts In On How Captain America Is An Allegory For National Defense In The Age Of Terror
7/13/2012 - Bin Laden's Cook Released From Gitmo
7/13/2012 - Bill Belichick Lauded For Volunteer Work At Local Morgue
7/13/2012 - Can Of Reddi-Wip Audibly Consumed In Next Cubicle
7/13/2012 - 2012 Marvel Handbook Casually Reveals Peter Parker Uncircumcised
7/12/2012 - Under Armour Celebrates 5 Years Of Dominating Roided-Out-High-School-Asshole Market
7/12/2012 - 95 Killed In Rush For Free Flames In Nigerian Tanker Fire
7/12/2012 - Daniel Tosh Chuckles Through Own Violent Rape
7/12/2012 - House Votes To Repeal 'Obamacare'
7/12/2012 - Comic Book Movies Dominate Summer Box Office
7/12/2012 - Cubs Finally Remove Wrigley Field Ivy After Third Outfielder Hangs Himself On A Vine
7/12/2012 - Freeh Report: Joe Paterno Burning In Hell Right Now
7/12/2012 - What's Our Superpower?
7/12/2012 - Owner Of Independent Comic Book Store In Ohio Not Quite Sure How He's Still In Business
7/12/2012 - Peter O'Toole Retires
7/12/2012 - 'Dark Knight Rises' Opts For Lighthearted, Cartoonish Tone
7/12/2012 - Faith-Based TV-Repair Shop Severely Backed Up
7/11/2012 - Romney Receives 20-Minute Standing Ovation At NAAWP Event
7/11/2012 - Romney Courts Black Voters With NAACP Speech
7/11/2012 - David Ortiz Asks Kansas City Grounds Crew To Turn Off Stadium Lights So Teams Can See All The Stars
7/11/2012 - 'Richie Rich' Comics Introduces New, Even Gayer Character
7/11/2012 - Russia Ends Sales Of Weapons To Syria
7/11/2012 - Comic-Con Once Again Marred By Increasingly Popular Bully-Con
7/11/2012 - Area Man Thinks His Insurance Company Is Awesome
7/10/2012 - Dog Owners Have Healthier Babies
7/10/2012 - Obama Pledges To Repeal Health Care Law If Reelected
7/10/2012 - Comics Not Just For Kids Anymore, Reports 85,000th Mainstream News Story
7/10/2012 - Time In Outer Space Lengthens Worms' Lives
7/10/2012 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 10, 2012
7/10/2012 - This Roller Coaster Fails To Capture The Spirit Of My Heroic Adventures
7/10/2012 - Athletics
7/10/2012 - Ron Paul Makes Campaign Stop In Whimsical Jalopy
7/10/2012 - Jesus Questioned For Accepting Tithes From Lobbyists
7/9/2012 - George Zimmerman Not Going To Let One Bad Experience Deter Him From Neighborhood Watch Responsibilities
7/9/2012 - New Ad Urges Hipsters To Go To Applebee's Ironically
7/9/2012 - Romney Raises Record-Breaking $106 Million
7/9/2012 - Economically Healthy 'Daily Planet' Now Most Unrealistic Part Of Superman Universe
7/9/2012 - The Week In Pictures
7/9/2012 - Roommate Eats Emergency Preparedness Kit
7/9/2012 - Washington Monument Set Up On Blind Date With Eiffel Tower
7/9/2012 - Obama Slips 'Hope' Into Speech For The Fans
7/8/2012 - Giraffes Of The Kalahari
7/8/2012 - Dana Alvarez and Ryan Coffman
7/8/2012 - Mexican Program Aims To Reach Drug Lords Before They Get Caught Up In Cartels
7/7/2012 - George Clooney Beginning To Think He Should Buy His Own Tuxedo
7/6/2012 - The Rookie
7/6/2012 - Obama Slips 'Hope' Into Speech For The Fans
7/6/2012 - Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself For Finding Dead Body Every Morning Since 1976
7/6/2012 - Off-Duty Weatherman Delights Seniors With Impromptu Forecast
7/6/2012 - Dr. J
7/5/2012 - International Olympic Medal Incentives
7/5/2012 - Richard Janosch and Carla DeVore
7/5/2012 - Man Sneaks In Mid-Snack Nibble
7/5/2012 - Nation's Couples Hit Rough Spell
7/5/2012 - Highest Blender Setting Successfully Drowns Out Angry Jamba Juice Customer
7/4/2012 - Romney's Numbers Skyrocket After Prostitute Reveals She Paid Him To Sleep With Her
7/4/2012 - Hitchin'
7/4/2012 - Man Who Pulls Up With Music Pumping Probably Coming From Someplace Cooler
7/4/2012 - New Study Finds 85% Of Americans Don't Know All The Dance Moves To National Anthem
7/4/2012 - Eric Being A Real Dick Lately
7/3/2012 - Margaret Jones and Todd Jacobson
7/3/2012 - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Completes Horror Movie Script About Giant Hook From Sky Killing People
7/3/2012 - New Prius Helps Environment By Killing Its Owner
7/3/2012 - Anchower's Gotta Spend Some Time Away
7/3/2012 - Nation Celebrates Independence Day
7/3/2012 - Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 3rd, 2012
7/3/2012 - Congress Raises Livestock Minimum Wage To $6.50 Per Hour
7/3/2012 - Extra-Extra-Large Man Finds T-Shirt
7/2/2012 - I Can Dance—Now What?
7/2/2012 - Dodgers Grounds Crew Places Tarp Over Unsightly Crowd
7/2/2012 - The Next (De)Generation
7/2/2012 - Great, Now It's Turned Into A Whole Big Thing
7/2/2012 - The Week In Pictures
7/2/2012 - Report On Continuing Plight Of Millions Of Unemployed Americans Results In Round Of High-Fives At Romney Campaign Headquarters
7/2/2012 - Burger King Unveils New Trudge-Through Window
7/1/2012 - Fussy J.J. Hardy Refuses To Stand On Nonorganic Dirt
7/1/2012 - Paul Pierce Enters 27th Day Of Sitting Glumly On Bench With Hand Over Mouth