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2013 December
12/31/2013 - Notable Individuals’ 2014 New Year’s Resolutions
12/30/2013 - The Onion’s Tips For Hosting A New Year’s Eve Party
12/25/2013 - Relatives Gather From Across The Country To Stare Into Screens Together
12/25/2013 - Cousins Meaner This Year
12/24/2013 - What Do You Get For The Man Who Already Has The Complete Fleetwood Mac Discography?
12/24/2013 - The Onion's Tips For Last Minute Holiday Shopping
12/23/2013 - The Onion Looks Back At 'It's A Wonderful Life'
12/19/2013 - Camera Admits It Can’t Do Much For Barry
12/15/2013 - Dan Dierdorf Provides In-Depth Analysis Of Player’s Shoe Falling Off
12/14/2013 - The Week In Sports – Week Of December 14, 2013
12/14/2013 - 3-Foot-Tall Christmas Tree Really Completes Incredibly Depressing Apartment
12/13/2013 - Top Twitter Feuds Of 2013
12/13/2013 - Onion Year In Review
12/13/2013 - 2013 In Technology
12/13/2013 - Mall Santa Crying Hysterically In Photo With Toddler
12/13/2013 - Heat Fans Growing Frustrated With Team’s Lack Of NBA Titles Since June
12/13/2013 - RITZ Wrapping Rappers
12/13/2013 - Thousands Of Americans To Notice First Signs Of Dementia While Visiting Parents Over Holiday
12/13/2013 - Top Movies Of 2013
12/13/2013 - Most Anticipated Bowl Games
12/13/2013 - Scientists Believe Hockey Players May Communicate By Banging Sticks Against Boards
12/13/2013 - 30-Year-Old Has Earned $11 More Than He Would Have Without College Education
12/12/2013 - Uruguay Legalizes Marijuana
12/12/2013 - The Onion Reviews 'The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug'
12/12/2013 - Modern-Day Caligula Orders Everything Bagel
12/12/2013 - Bill Belichick Places Rob Gronkowski In Patriots’ Injured Reserve Cage
12/12/2013 - 2013 In Entertainment
12/12/2013 - Mark Jackson Encourages Golden State Warriors To Play Like Suspension Bridge
12/12/2013 - Top TV Shows Of 2013
12/12/2013 - Robinson Cano Admits Mariners Give Him Best Chance To Make $240 Million
12/12/2013 - Worldwide Jewish Conspiracy Worried It Came Down Too Hard On Jeff Yesterday
12/12/2013 - The Onion's Tips For Decorating A Christmas Tree
12/12/2013 - Encouraging Economic Report Reveals More Americans Delusional Enough To Start Their Own Business
12/12/2013 - Least Successful Video Game Franchises
12/12/2013 - Top 2 Tsarnaevs Of 2013
12/11/2013 - Freeze-Resistant Cockroaches Invade Manhattan
12/11/2013 - 2013 In International News
12/11/2013 - Hip-Hop Man Enjoys Making Musical Rapping Sounds
12/11/2013 - Gun Laws Passed This Year
12/11/2013 - The Onion’s 2013 Holiday Gift Guide
12/11/2013 - Top Tech Gadgets Of 2013
12/11/2013 - Race For Oscar Heats Up As Tom Hanks Traps Robert Redford In Cellar
12/11/2013 - Roy Halladay Retires A Woman
12/11/2013 - NSA Spied On Online Gamers
12/11/2013 - Do You Believe In God?
12/10/2013 - 2013 In The Economy
12/10/2013 - Man Worried About Drug Dealer Who's Not Picking Up Phone
12/10/2013 - Taxi Driver Just Taking His Time As If Man Not Late For Color Me Mine Pottery Party
12/10/2013 - Top Quotes From 2013
12/10/2013 - Friends, Family Say Derrick Rose Hasn’t Said Single Word In Past 17 Days
12/10/2013 - Pudgy Doughboy With Rosy Red Cheeks Presses Nose Up Against Window Of Chocolate Shop
12/10/2013 - The Case For And Against Legalizing Marijuana
12/10/2013 - Top Photojournalism Of 2013
12/10/2013 - Delirious Rover Hallucinates Water On Mars
12/10/2013 - Kid With Rough Home Life Gives Mickey Extra Long Hug
12/10/2013 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 10, 2013
12/10/2013 - Championship - Ep. 8
12/9/2013 - 8th Grader Caked In Makeup Probably Really Confident
12/9/2013 - World Leaders Attend Mandela Funeral
12/9/2013 - 2013 In Politics
12/9/2013 - Terrifying Man Selling Dead Trees Out Of Middle School Parking Lot
12/9/2013 - God Admits He Never Created Gerbils
12/9/2013 - Those We Lost In 2013
12/9/2013 - Top Newsmakers Of 2013
12/9/2013 - Alarming New Adult Trend ‘Plateauing In Your Career And Relationship’ Sweeps Nation
12/9/2013 - Drunk Driver Honored
12/9/2013 - NFL Week 14 Winners And Losers
12/9/2013 - College Coach Accused Of Receiving Payment
12/9/2013 - The Onion’s Tips For Applying To College
12/9/2013 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 9, 2013
12/9/2013 - Mom Not Joking When She Says She Wants Picture Of Grown Kids In Bath For Old Time’s Sake
12/9/2013 - Ebenezer Screwed
12/9/2013 - Study Disputes ‘Fat But Fit’ Claim
12/8/2013 - Saints vs. Panthers
12/6/2013 - Onion Sports’ NFL Week 14 Picks
12/6/2013 - Inconsiderate Woman On Bus Eating Live Tuna
12/6/2013 - 8th Grader Caked In Makeup Probably Really Confident
12/6/2013 - Every Parent’s Worst Nightmare Is Losing A Child To Gorchul, The Dark Sorcerer Of Time
12/6/2013 - New Attractive Person Comes To Nation’s Attention
12/6/2013 - Roger Goodell Carefully Considering Every Comment On NFL.com Message Boards
12/6/2013 - EA Releases Alternate ‘Madden 25’ Cover Featuring Brett Favre’s Penis
12/6/2013 - Lawsuit Seeks Human Rights For Chimps
12/5/2013 - NSA Tracking Locations Of Millions Of Cell Phones
12/5/2013 - Nelson Mandela Becomes First Politician To Be Missed
12/5/2013 - Slow-Witted Conspiracy Theorist Convinced Government Behind NASA
12/5/2013 - Grisly Remains Of 15 Hobbits Discovered In Peter Jackson’s Attic
12/5/2013 - New, More Realistic ‘NFL Play 60’ Campaign Encourages Kids To Be Active For 60 Seconds A Week
12/5/2013 - Slow-Witted Conspiracy Theorist Convinced Government Behind NASA
12/5/2013 - This Is My Favorite Time Of Year Because I’m Sexually Aroused By Toy Soldier Makeup
12/5/2013 - New Google Streep View To Provide Panoramic Imagery Of Meryl Streep
12/5/2013 - Generous Military Sends $800 In Disability To Man Who Wakes Up Screaming Every Night
12/5/2013 - Mitch McConnell Inflates Throat Pouch In Show Of Dominance Over Fellow Congressional Males
12/5/2013 - Top-Selling Parenting Books
12/4/2013 - Study: Male, Female Brains Wired Differently
12/4/2013 - Pretty Obvious Which Sibling Going To Have To Deal With All The Nursing Home Stuff
12/4/2013 - House Votes To Renew Ban On Plastic Guns
12/4/2013 - Pathetic Hands Subject To Man’s Every Whim
12/4/2013 - Jason Campbell Cleared For Light Brain Activity
12/4/2013 - Handsomest Sons Of 2013
12/4/2013 - Biologist Completes 5-Minute Study Of Pathetic Organism In Mirror
12/4/2013 - Employee Slowly Realizes Boss Attempting To Have Normal Conversation With Her
12/4/2013 - Report: Everyone Starting New Exciting Stage Of Life Except You
12/4/2013 - Red Lobster Welcomes Back ‘Defrosted Shrimp Days’
12/4/2013 - Do You Trust The Mainstream Media?
12/3/2013 - Study: Gut Instincts Help Predict Marital Happiness
12/3/2013 - Train Safety Called Into Question
12/3/2013 - Deformed Freak Born Without Penis
12/3/2013 - Bloomberg Defends NYPD’s Controversial Stop And Kiss Program
12/3/2013 - Cool Guy From Middle School Still Sporting Phat Pair Of JNCOs
12/3/2013 - Report: Fritz A Fine Name For A Boy
12/3/2013 - Stunned St. Peter’s Square Crowd Overhears Pope Francis Getting Bitched Out By God
12/3/2013 - Nobody At University Of Alabama Caught Saturday’s Game
12/3/2013 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 3, 2013
12/2/2013 - Playoffs - Ep. 7
12/2/2013 - New Report Shows Many U.S. Businesses Actually Just Fronts For Moneymaking Operations
12/2/2013 - Halloweiner Frankfest 2013 Poster Now Relic Of Time Long Gone
12/2/2013 - Amazon Testing Drone Delivery Service
12/2/2013 - Bizarre Sci-Fi Novel Posits World Where Natives Inhabited America Before Europeans
12/2/2013 - Insane Man Gets A Little Perspective By Reminding Himself That He Is God
12/2/2013 - ‘What If We Put M&M’s On Top? Would They Eat That?’ Doritos Exec Wonders Out Loud
12/2/2013 - Man Confidently Hits ‘Send’ On Worst Job Application Company Has Ever Seen
12/2/2013 - The Most One-derful Time Of The Year
12/2/2013 - What The Average American Consumer Will Spend This Christmas
12/2/2013 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 2, 2013
12/2/2013 - Cyber Monday Sales Projected To Top Records